Interview
Corey
Vilhauer
Vilhauer
walks out and grabs a mic. “Tonight there will be a royal rumble
to choose three challengers for the SFWF World Heavyweight Championship.
Right here I will choose the number one and two competitors. Numbers
eight, nine, and ten have already been given to Tim Schumann, Jim Peterson,
and Stepdaddy, respectively.” Vilhauer rustles around in the hat,
chooses two names. “Imagine that. Number one is Eric Swanson.
Number two… is Matt Miller. The remaining five competitors are Rumpshaker
Slim, Sam Larson, Jason Hofer, “Mr. Russell”, and Andres Torres.
The match will continue until there are only three possible men left to
be thrown out.” Hearing the contestants, Owen Haubert walks out.
“Hey Vilhauer, I believe you forgot someone.” “Owen, how could I forget
you. You, and your brother, will be defending your tag team belts
against Terry Taylor and Wyatt Ensz. You understand how important
this match is, don’t you? Terry has never wrestled before, so this
is a momentous match.” “You mean I lose my spot in the rumble because
I have to defend my tag belts against some semi-jobbers?” “No, Owen,
you lose your spot because I don’t like you” With this, Haubert rushes
the ring and Vilhauer runs away.
Laura Kumm/Bianka Groves vs. Nichole Green/Megan Meyer
This
match started out with Kumm and Green in the ring. Kumm went after
Green quickly, and it was only the intervention of Meyer that kept Kumm
from simply tossing Green over the top rope. Finally, Kumm settled
down and tagged Groves in. Groves jumped in and went after Meyer,
who was outside the ropes. Green tried to stop her, but accidentaly
hit Meyer. Meyer, realizing the accident, was cool with it.
Meyer was tagged in, and Green got a rest. Groves pulled off a hurracarana,
but could not hook the legs to pin, and Meyer started beating Groves off
of her. Meyer quickly tagged Green, who jumped in the ring and tripped
Groves, who was running at her. Green grabbed Groves, executed the
complicated String Cheese, and slapped the figure four on. Groves
attempted to reach the ropes, but eventually just rolled over, reversing
the figure four and causing Green to submit.
Winner:
Kumm/Groves
Crispy vs. Tim Jewell
This
was another hardcore rules match, But the simple fact is that it only lasted
about two minutes. Jewell ran out to hit Crispy with a bat.
Crispy was not there. Jewell looked around, and was met by a chair
from Crispy, who was hiding under the ring. Jewell fell down and
Crispy attempted the pin. Crispy was thrown off, and Jewell got up
and tied Crispy in the ropes. Jewell took the bat and knocked Crispy
out.
Winner:
Jewell
In the parking lot…
Big
Fresh and Ryan Swanson are getting out of their limo. Neither looks
very happy, and they realize that they are on the wrong side of the arena.
Ryan tries to tell the driver that they need to go to the other side, but
two men with ski masks and bats and sticks and stuff jump out of the cars
next to them and start attacking them. The driver gets out of the
limo, also with a ski mask, and reveals himself… Sam Larson. Sam
tells the down Ryan to give a message to “Mr. Russell”. “don’t fuck
with me, or seasoned meat.”
Jay Bethke vs. Cody Schlenker
Bethke
began by mounting a small offense, but in the end, it was all Schlenker.
Schlenker eventually got Bethke on the ropes, superplexed him to the mat,
and slapped on a boston crab, which made him submit. After the match,
Schlenker challenged Andy Torres to a match at this upcoming SFWF King
of the Ring. Torres walked out and accepted.
Winner:
Schlenker
Tracy Holmoe vs. Breezy Bryant
The
winner of this match would face Nichole Green next week for the SFWF Women’s
title. Breezy started on top first, but the tables were turned soon
when Bryant attempted a lionsault and was blocked with knees to the gut.
Holmoe jumped up and attempted her own lionsault, which found its mark.
Holmoe then threw Bryant around a little. Bryant recovered and fought
back, until cheering from the crown distracted her. She turned to
find Beka Reiser walking to ringside. Bryant jumped out and chased
Reiser to the dressing room, and Holmoe was given the win on count-out.
Winner:
Holmoe
The Hauberts vs. Wyatt Ensz/Terry Taylor
Terry
Taylor didn’t even hit the ring. Owen threw Ensz to the turnbuckle
and distracted the ref while Ian choked him. Ian let go and they
tagged. Ian got in the ring and put Ensz in the Realm of Pain.
Ensz was about to give up so Ian dropped him. Ian tagged Owen back
in and Owen executed the Pain Killer. Owen pinned Ensz and then went
after Taylor, who ran to the back.
Winner:
The Hauberts
Main
event
Ten
Man Royal Rumble
Competitors:
Eric Swanson, Jim Peterson, Stepdaddy, “Mr. Russell”, Tim Schumann, Jason
Hofer, Matt Miller, Sam Larson, Rumpshaker Slim, and Andy Torres
The
first two men in were Eric Swanson and Matt Miller. Matt right away
tried tricking Swanson near the ropes to throw him out, but Swanson retaliated
by pulling off a beautiful spinning neck breaker. Miller got up and
was treated to a foot in the face. Swanson threw Miller to the opposite
rope and attempted to clothesline Miller over. Miller ducked, spun
around, and kicked Swanson in the gut. Swanson was against the ropes
and Miller was facing them when the bell rang and competitor number three
ran out.. Sam Larson. Larson jumped in and surprised Miller by throwing
him over the top. Then Larson took on the task of getting the very
tall Swanson over. Swanson and Larson started brawling right over
to the corner, where Larson managed to get one of Swanson’s legs over.
Eventually, Larson just gave up and stood back to survey the situation.
The bell rang and competitior number four ran out.. Jason Hofer.
Hofer saw Swanson and immediately went after him. Hofer eventually
got thrown over, but did not touch the ground. Instead, he slid back
under the bottom rope and jumped on Swanson as he was turning away.
Larson saw his opportunity and tried to throw both men over, but was unsuccessful.
Instead, he managed only to piss both men off. Fortunately they took
it out on each other rather than Larson. The bell rang and competitior
number five ran in.. Rumpshaker Slim. R’shaker first started after
Larson, who was the free man standing. Larson gave R’shaker a run
for his money and R’shaker turned to Hofer, who was pulling Swanson off
the mat. R’shaker ran at Hofer, clotheslined him over, and then went
after Larson once again. Hofer, being eliminated, attempted to jump
back in the ring, but was met by a big Swanson foot in the head.
Swanson finally got to sit back and wait for the next wrestler. R’shaker
and Larson were still going at it. The bell rang and competitor number
six entered.. “Mr. Russell”. Russell jumped in, threw R’shaker to
the side, and went after Larson. Russell and Larson took it to the
center of the ring, where it didn’t look like either man was trying to
throw the other over. Swanson stood back, and R’shaker got up and
jumped on him, almost causing both men to fly over the rope. Swanson
regained his balance and pulled R’shaker off of him. Swanson threw
R’shaker to the ropes, who was tripped by the pile of brawling bodies in
the center. Larson got up and pushed R’shaker back. The bell
rang and competitor number seven enters.. Andres Torres. Torres ran
in and waited by the ropes for someone to get tired enough to throw over.
To ringside walked Cody Schlenker. Schlenker got on the apron, tapped
Torres on the back, and when Torres turned around, Schlenker pulled Torres
over the top rope to the floor. Torres and Schlenker fought all the
way to the back. Meanwhile, Swanson and R’shaker were resting in
separate corners while Russell and Larson beat each other silly.
The bell rang to signify competitor number eight, Tim Schumann, just as
Russell pulled Larson up and threw him over. Schumann entered and
went after Swanson. R’shaker went after Swanson as well, and both
men tried to push the big man over. Swanson was almost over, so Schumann
attempted to bounce against the opposite ropes to get some momentum.
Swanson ducked and Schumann was thrown over. Russell then jumped
in and tried to push Swanson over. The bell rang and competitor number
nine entered, Jim Peterson. Peterson hopped in the ring and immediately
threw R’shaker over. Then, Peterson grabbed Russell, powerbombed
him, and threw him over. Only Peterson and Swanson were left, and
the tenth man was Stepdaddy. The three competitors were chosen for
the cage match at King of the Ring. The bell rang for Stepdaddy to
come out, but no one came out. Swanson and Peterson look at each
other, then back at the entrance. Finally, the lights go out and
Stepdaddy’s music starts. The announcers start talking about how
Stepdaddy vs. Peterson vs. Swanson will pan out. The pyro goes off,
and the music kicks into high speed… and a limping, broken silohuete walks
out. The lights are out, so no one can see Stepdaddy enter the ring.
The lights go on…and ITS NOT STEPDADDY!!! IT’S COREY VILHAUER!!!
COREY VILHAUER IS THE NUMBER TEN COMPETITOR!! Swanson and Peterson
go crazy, and Vilhauer grabs a mic. “You see boys, Stepdaddy is injured,
therefore unable to participate in this rumble. So, to find a suitable
replacement, I decided to choose… me. I guess I’ll see you at King
of the Ring, eh?” Peterson grabs the mic. “But I specifically recall
that your limp dick was RETIRED.” “Jim, I never retired, you stupid
fuck.” With this, Vilhauer kicked Peterson in the gut and layed the
smack down with a President’s DDT. As Swanson was coming after Vilhauer,
Hofer ran out and made the save. Eventually, the ring filled with
wrestlers, and Hofer and Vilhauer snuck out to meet Bryant at the entrance
way. We are done.
Winners:
Peterson, Swanson, and Vilhauer
Order of Entrance: 1. Eric Swanson; 2. Matt Miller; 3. Sam Larson; 4. Jason Hofer; 5. Rumpshaker Slim; 6. “Mr. Russell”; 7. Andres Torres; 8. Tim Schumann; 9. Jim Peterson; 10. Corey Vilhauer
Order
of Elimination (with Eliminator)
1.
Matt Miller (Larson)
2.
Jason Hofer (R’shaker)
3.
Andy Torres (Schlenker)
4.
Sam Larson (Russell)
5.
Schumann (Swanson)
6.
Rumpshaker Slim (Peterson)
7.
“Mr. Russell” (Peterson)