Interview:
Tim Schumann

(Due to an NBA game, this weeks SFWF card is shortened.)
Schumann walks out and grabs a mic.  "For the last six days, i have been in fierce negotiations with other members of Seasoned Meat, as well as Jim Peterson, about the state of affairs in the SFWF today.  We, as a collective group, have decided that since there is a PayPerView in just ten days, and since we have made it a priority to return the favor that President Corey Vilhauer (boos) so graciously gave us last week, I am challenging Corey Vilhauer to a World Title Match at "April Fools day, Bitch."  The crowd erupts and Vilhauer walks out with the World Championship belt.  "Tim, you silly little bastard.  I guess you think you somehow deserve a title shot, just because i fired your mentor and leader.  Well, Jim can kiss my ass.  I have instructed the security in this building to bar any entrance by Jim Peterson or anyone resembling Jim Peterson.  And for you... well, i guess you can have your title shot.  But it will be under my rules.  Tonight, if you can defeat Stepdaddy in a non-title matchup, you will walk out of this arena "Number One contender" to my belt.  But that's not all.  I have made a point to sign many more matches to the PPV, with help from SFWF commisioner Jason Hofer, and he will come out here to announce them."  Vilhauer watches as Jason Hofer walks out and grabs the mic.  "Thank you, Corey.  AT the payPerView, the following matches have been signed.  Eric Swanson vs. Cody Schlenker, and Reiser/Curtis vs. Green/Meyer vs. our own Kumm/Campbell, Nichole Green vs. our own Tim Jewell, and Bianka Groves vs. our own Breezy Bryant.  In addition, President Vilhauer and I have signed the following matches.  For the Tag Team championship, Big Fresh and Ryan Swanson will face The Sons of Sheetar.  The interesting thing about this match is that it is Eric Swanson's second match of the night, and we have refused to resign Jay Bethke.  Therefore, Eric Swanson is without partner.  In a royal rumble, where the winner will face Ryan Swanson later in the PPV, seven people will face each other in over the top rope action.  The competitors are... Sam Larson, Wyatt Ensz, Big Fresh, Jason Hofer, Tim Jewell, Rumpshaker Slim, and The Lightweight known as Yoda.  Also, Comfy and Corey will face off against Matt Miller and "Mr. Russell", with the winner getting a shot at the Tag Belts the following Monday.  And finally, if Tim Schumann defeats Stepdaddy tonight... Tim Schumann vs. Corey Vilhauer for the World Heavyweight Title."  Hofer walks into the back, and Jay Bethke walks out.  "Vilhauer, i couldn't help but hear that you have refused to resign me to work in the SFWF."  Vilhauer looks at him, kicks him in the gut, and DDT's him.  "THATS RIGHT, YOU BITCH!!!"  Vilhauer kicks him and walks away.
 

Yoda vs. Tim Jewell

Jewell started out with a flurry of punches, which Yoda just took.  Yoda finally got up, but was tripped by Jewell as Yoda started running.  Jewell tried to lock on a chicken wing submission move, but Yoda's arms were just too big.  Yoda turned around and clobbered Jewell back into the corner, where Yoda pulled Jewell up and suplexed him to the mat.  Jewell slowly got up, and Yoda went for a powerbomb.  Jewell kicked out from the move and reversed it into a huracarrana.  The crowd arose and Nichole Green walked to ringside and started shouting at Jewell.  Jewell turned around as Green threw something in the ring.  Yoda saw it, picked it up, and smashed Jewell on the head with it.  Jewell fell and Yoda threw the object back out.  The ref didn't see a thing and Jewell was pinned.
Winner: Yoda
 
 
Mary Campbell/Laura Kumm vs. Nichole Green/Megan Meyer

As Green and Meyer walked backstage to the entrance way, Kumm and Campbell attacked them.  When Kumm and Campbell made it to the ring, Green and Meyer didn't show up (as they got bickity-beat down) and Kumm and Campbell won by countout.
winner:  Campbell/Kumm
 

in the parking lot:

Sam Larson got out of his car and looked up to see Crispy pulling in.  Larson walked over to Crispy's car and confronted him about the beatings that were taking place.  Crispy said he didn't know who did them, and Larson refused to believe it.  Larson threw him into the cars and left.  On the way to his dressing room, Larson ran into "Mr. Russell", who grabbed him and choke slammed him in the hall way.  "That's for fucking with me, Larson!"  Russell walks into the parking lot and goes after Crispy.  Security finally refrains him.  Backstage, we see Andy Torres entering the building.
 

Ian Haubert vs. Eric Swanson

Swanson taunted Haubert about his brother, and how he knew all along that he was fucked up.  Ian took offence and attacked Swanson fiercely.  Swanson kept blocking most of the shots, and kept egging Haubert on, telling him that he would never be good enough to break out of the BBBoIF belt class and he could never beat anyone of his stature.  Haubert hit with a low blow, sending Swanson to the mat.  Swanson rolled outside the ring and fell off the apron.  Swanson reached under the apron and pulled out a chair.  When Haubert came close to the ropes, Swanson attempted to swing at him, but Cody Schlenker had run out and grabbed the chair.  Schlenker threw Swanson back in the ring and then when Swanson got up, Haubert distracted the ref while Schlenker smashed Swanson in the head.  Swanson staggered forward and Ian set him up for the Realm of Pain.  Swanson somehow kicked out, threw Haubert to the ropes, and kicked him in the gut, setting him up for the Conjectivitus.  Swanson got him in it and Haubert gave up.
Winner: Swanson
 

Heather Curtis vs. Breezy Bryant

Bryant walked out with both Campbell and Kumm.  Bryant did some cool stuff, but kept missing as Curtis would jump out of the way.  Finally, Curtis blocked Bryant and pulled off a piledriver.  Bryant layed still and Curtis came at her with an elbow from the top rope.  Bryant moved and Curtis hit hard.  Bryant jumped onto the turnbuckle herself and connected with a double axehandle from the top.  Curtis fell to the mat and Bryant threw her to the ropes.  Curtis held on and Bryant dropkicked her.  Curtis rolled to the apron and jumped on the rope.  Balancing there, she performed a moonsault that landed her in Bryant's arms and onto the mat.  Curtis got the two and a half count, but Bryant kicked out.  Seeing this, Groves walked out to the entrance and stared at Bryant.  Bryant saw this and turned around.  Curtis dropkicked her in the back of the head and put her in a boston crab.  Bryant gave up.
Winner: Curtis
 

Matt Miller vs. Wyatt Ensz vs. Rumpshaker Slim

In this three way hardcore match, R'shaker started out strong by kicking everyone to the corners.  R'shaker then grabbed a large two by four, gave the crowd a thumbs up (at which time they gave him a "ho!") and swung at both competitors.  Ensz was hit but Miller ducked and grabbed R'shaker.  R'shaker was thrown to the ropes and gorilla pressed over the top.  Miller pinned the knocked out Ensz.  Backstage we see ManKid enter the building.
Winner: Miller
 

Andres Torres vs. Jason Hofer

Jason Hofer walks to the ring.  Torres doesn't make his way back, but when we find his locker room, we hear him talking.  "You know we aren't on the best of terms, but if it's a shot against Vilhauer, i'm all for it.  Knock yourself out."  The camera then sees MANKID walk from the room.  ManKid walks into the ring.  Hofer looks upset, and he grabs a mic.  "WHOA!!!  I believe that i made you lose that mask months ago.  And now here you are, back again with it on.  I won't stand for it, and i know this time i will take it for good."  Hofer runs at ManKid, but ManKid kicks him back to the corner with one big boot.  From the entryway, Andres Torres show up.  Hofer looks up at Torres, then looks at ManKid, and becomes confused.  Torres has a mic.  "Hey Jason.  I thought you said you could take me.  But wait, how can i be here... and there?  Well, Jason, this is just a message to your boss and our President Corey Vilhauer from The Sons of Sheetar...and Seasoned Meat."  ManKid takes off his mask to reveal... JIM PETERSON?!?!?    Peterson grabs Hofer, powerbombs him, and throws him out of the ring.  "VILHAUER!!!  YOU MAY HAVE FIRED ME BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE.  I PROMISE THAT I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL UNTIL YOU RESIGN ME.. AND THAT IS A PROMISE I WILL JUST LOVE TO KEEP."  Peterson throws the mic down and leaves.
 

at the hospital...

The cameras went to Owen Haubert's room and asked him a few questions.  Owen responded by saying that he will be back next week, and that he will be issuing a challenge to his brother.  Brotherly love can only go so far, and allegiances will change.  The camera's look down the hall, where we see Tracy Holmoe recovering from her hit and run.  When asked what she was planning on doing when she returned, she responded by telling the reporter that Eric Swanson and some other members of Sheetar had visited her regarding her lack of stable.  And that is it.
 

Main Event:
Tim Schumann vs. Stepdaddy

Stepdaddy walked out to his bitchin' music, and Tim Schumann walked out behind him.  The two started out strong, but it seemed that Stepdaddy had some sort of plan.  He kept looking towards the entry way and then kept looking back.  Finally, Stepdaddy started with some technical moves, which were laced with kicks and punches.  Schumann had a hard time keeping up with Stepdaddy, and a couple times he rolled out to catch his breath.  Stepdaddy threw Schumann to the corner and set him up for the Mocha Bomb, but Schumann kicked out and dropped down on top of him with an elbow.  Stepdaddy turned around and tried to attack Schumann, but Schumann ducked and atomic dropped him.  Schumann signalled for the Conjectivitus, but as he was setting up for it, Stepdaddy threw the ref into Schumann's back.  Schumann turned around, saw the ref, and tried to move out of the way, but Stepdaddy jumped at Schumann and the ref, knocking the ref out.  Stepdaddy then signalled for someone to come out... and Vilhauer walked out.  Vilhauer walked to the ring, and Schumann attacked Stepdaddy from behind.  Stepdaddy turned around and grabbed Schumann, but Schumann slipped out of the way.  The two began to brawl as Eric Swanson ran out to go after Schumann.  Schumann was thrown outside, where Eric Swanson went to work on him.  Cody Schlenker ran out to attack both Swanson and Schumann, and Vilhauer and Stepdaddy just stood back and watched.  Stepdaddy turned around to find another person standing behind him...Jim Peterson.  Peterson had come from the crowd and he went right to work on Stepdaddy, who he powerbombed.  Vilhauer turned around and swung at Peterson, but Peterson threw him into the corner and went out to pull Schumann back in.  The ref woke up and counted the pin.  Schumann won!  Vilhauer kicked Schumann out of the ring, picked Stepdaddy up, and walked up to Peterson.  Peterson looked Vilhauer in the eye, and Vilhauer fuckin' DDT'd his ass with the President's DDT.  Vilhauer was pissed.  "Peterson, time and time again you piss me off and time and time again i have to kick your ass into the ground.  When will you learn that it will only be a matter of time until i finally show you who the real fuckin' power in the SFWF is.  ITS ME!!!  And to prove it.. and since we still have a little time left... i challenge anyone to a match tonight.  ANYONE...  I will show you who the real fuckin' boss it, you degenerate piece of shit!!!"  "HEY VILHAUER!!!"  Vilhauer turned around to see Schumann standing at the entryway.  Swanson and Schlenker had brawled thier way to the back, and Stepdaddy was sitting at ringside.  "If you are challenging anyone... Then i guess that means were having this title match TONIGHT!!!"  "Schumann.  I would much rather kick your ass in this state.  Just remember.. This is the only shot you are getting.  If you lose.. too fuckin' bad."
Winner:  Schumann
 

Corey Vilhauer vs. Tim Schumann

Vilhauer started out by throwing Schumann around for a while.  Stepdaddy would periodically trip Schumann, but the ref did not dare call anything.  Vilhauer finally set Schumann up for the President's DDT, and hit with it.  Schumann was down.  One...two...thr... He kicked out!!!  Vilhauer picked him up and DDT'd him again, but he got up again.  Vilhauer looked in disbelief, and Schumann slowly got up.  Schumann grabbed for the ropes, and Vilhauer pulled him away.  The two traded punches for a while, until Schumann decked Vilhauer, knocking the president back to the ropes and over.  While outside, Stepdaddy grabbed Vilhauer and made sure he was alright.  Vilhauer got back in the ring and Schumann went right back after him.  Vilhauer blocked a punch, dropped Schumann to the mat, and slapped on the Figure Four.  When the ref would turn to check on Schumann, Stepdaddy would grab Vilhauer's arms for support.  Schumann fought and fought and finally reached the ropes, but Vilhauer refused to let go.  The ref tried to get him to stop, but to no avail.  Finally, Schumann worked his way closer to the ropes... and rolled over, reversing the Figure four.  Schumann used the ropes for leverage, and the ref didn't stop him!  Vilhauer grabbed the ropes on his side and the two got up.  Either man could even stand up, and the ref started the ten count.  at nine, Schumann crawled up the turnbuckle and climbed.  As Vilhauer got up, Schumann jumped, and Vilhauer jumped out of the way.  Schumann landed hard, and Vilhauer tried for the figure four again.  Jim Peterson came out and stood opposite from Stepdaddy.  As Vilhauer was trying for the figure four, Schumann kicked with what little strength he had left and sent Vilhauer over the ropes to Peterson's feet.  Peterson looked down, and Vilhauer, seeing who he was under, jumped up and back into the ring.  As Vilhauer turned to face Schumann, he was greeted with a kick to the gut... AND THE CONJECTIVITUS!!!  SCHUMANN PUT ON THE CONJECTIVITUS!!!  Vilhauer tried to reach the ropes, but couldn't... Vilhauer refused to give up, and finally he blacked out.  The ref checked and rang the bell.  TIM SCHUMANN WON!!!!  TIM SCHUMANN IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!  Stepdaddy jumped in the ring and pulled Vilhauer out.  All of Seasoned Meat walked to the ring to congradulate Schumann.  Schumann was hoisted on everyone's shoulders, and they all walked out.
 
 

SFWF cards