Published in Rocknerd webzine, 2003

I Have Seen An Axe God

– Black Keys at the Prince of Wales Hotel, St Kilda, 17-9-03

by Barbara Welton

You may think that a band that's been around as long as Dallas Crane and a punter that's been around as long as moi would have crossed paths by now - but you'd be wrong. I'd honestly never seen Dallas Crane before and had no idea whatsoever what they'd be like. I was rather pleasantly surprised. They're a good, solid, black leather jacket-wearing ROCK band.

Crane's bass player was particularly impressive. Sexy in that ugly-Tex-Perkins kind of way and obviously has a well-thumbed copy of "101 Cool & Sexy Poses For Bass Guitar" by Paul Simonon on his bedside table. It was a joy to watch a bass player and drummer getting off on each other's groove the way these guys were. Crane's leadsinger can sound plaintive, screamin' rockpig or whiny, depending on the song, and is a dab hand with the riffs. Their other singer sounds like Cobain - honest! And they even gave us a cool cover of the Hoodoo Gurus' "Stoneage Romeo". I think I'll be seeing these guys again at some point.

The break before our headliners taking the stage was very pleasingly short. Stands to reason, I guess - the roadies only have one drumkit and a guitarist to set up. The POW was getting very crowded by this point and I must have a minor rant here about the total lack of gig etiquette among so many people these days. A "space" between myself and the person in front of me was pushed into by two fucktards who, later on, proceeded to drag four of their pals in there with them. I actually said to one "Excuse me, but you are NOT standing in front of me like that" to which he replied "It's alright - you can stand where you are." Um, yeah, sure - with my face pressed against your back, I'm really gettin' my thirty-five bucks worth! At this point, my night (and faith in my fellow punter) was saved by a chivalrous Man In Black of around my own vintage who asked me if I would care to stand in front of him, seeing as he was taller than I. See, folks - THAT is gig etiquette. I thanked him enthusiastically and gratefully took up my new position just in time for The Black Keys to take their first Melbourne stage.

The Black Keys have been getting heaps of rapturous press all over the place. People are declaring them the future of rock'n'roll and all that business. Thing is, for once, people just might be right. Two guys from Akron, Ohio - Patrick on drums and Dan on guitar. That's it. And. The. Sound. Is. INCREDIBLE. You stand there thinking "I swear I can hear basslines," "I swear I can hear two guitars." But you can't. That's all Dan. One guy with a LOT of feedback, talent like you wouldn't believe and fingers handed down from the gods themselves. I'm still trying to think if I've ever witnessed a guitarist who is so outrageously impressive. Still trying ...

Patrick, tall and skinny, reminds me of Dave Grohl as a drummer - all flailing elbows, sharp shoulders and flying dark hair. On some songs, instead of using the usual two drumsticks to thrash the kit into submission, he'll use just one and team it with a tambourine or (ingeniously) a maracca. This one band probably goes through more tambourines than the entire Salvation Army.

The Black Keys can be bluesy, funky, dark, dirty and moody, thrashy, bashy, melodic and cacophonic. These guys obviously know no fear - they are two guys who take on The Beatles' White Album period and do it LIVE (not even The Beatles did that). Dan can sound like Jimi Hendrix, voice-wise, and Jimmy Page, guitar-wise. I haven't sweated so much since I don't remember when.

the end.