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| ::ranting:: frustration has come over me once again concerning the wedding. surprise surprise. last night after discussing a few things with parkin's parents, i just felt like toppling over and crying. which then i did as soon as they left. there are things that i have no control over and it hurts to agonize over. i have things planned in my head on how i thought things should be, but because of the money factor, i don't get to control it. from the beginning, it's been, "we pay for this and this is the way it will be because we are funding this part of the wedding" and i don't know if this is normal, if this is how it is when parents are involved with weddings. i sure dont' remember this when my brother got married.... what's the point of putting in my two cents when decisions have already been made on how things should be. what's the point of explaining things to parkin when he forgets things in less than 24 hours. it's not really my choice anymore in certain matters. if i voice my opinions, it's useless, so why bother. parkin's tired of arguing with his parents so he's already relented to everything. what's the point then? i'm bitter. and for the first time in this past year of planning, last night i wanted to end all the planning and leave. delay the wedding, stop the wedding, just elope. i just wanted it all to stop. which made me more sad because since i was young, i wanted a lavish wedding banquet with family and friends. i always thought, the more the merrier. but now, the more people, the more headache. and i know that it is worse in this case because of how strong headed parkin's parents are. then i developed a huge migraine and nausea as the evening came to an end. the po chai pills i took helped my tummy, but as i woke this morning, the same dulling pain in my head continued and has been making me twitch all morning. so i've decided. let them do what they want to do. i don't care anymore. i don't want to care anymore because it's tiring and it's wearing me thin. i'm tired to trying to fight a battle that i can not win. there's only so much i can take at this time of planning. you want my headache? go ahead. take it. this isn't exactly how i feel, but no one else will back down so i will. to make everyone happy, i have to. i know that no matter what, i'll enjoy the evening. so what if it's not how i envisioned things to be. fine. if that's the way it has to be due to these circumstances, fine. i rather not bother. it'll be ok. i'll still marry the man that i love. on may 10th, i'll still be smiling when i see family and friends, wherever they may be sitting, far or farther away. i just have to be thankful that parkin and i will not start our life together in too much debt. and hopefully, just hopefully our futures won't depend on anybody else but us. i'm done. |
| monday 07 april happy anniversary to peggy and aric wishing you two lots of rest and relaxation on this special day |
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