May 14, 2002
		suicide is a very tricky subject.  how can you tell if someone is crying wolf?  how seriously do you take it when this person has mentioned it many times before?  i had a friend in high school that used to talk about it very often.  she called me everyday, every hour to tell me that she was going away to do it.  i cried on the phone with her and begged her not to.  i tried over and over again to convince her otherwise.  i don't remember the reason she wanted to do it, i just remember punching a wall because it was so aggravating on my end of the phone line.  luckily she didn't, but i talked to other friends of hers and found out that the same girl would call them to tell them that she was going to commit suicide as well.  she told about 5-6 of us, so we suspected that she was just saying it for the attention.  so here's a variation of my question, how can you tell if someone is serious about doing it, or if they are out to seek attention? i admit it, i used to contemplate suicide... in high school, i used to take a sharp object and cut myself with it, but it was never to the point of blood, more like papercuts along my wrist and arms.  why did i think that my life was worth ending tho?  i can't be sure, but it wasnt' for any specific reason.  i remember just being tired of everything that was going on with my life.  i used to cry for no reason, mope around, and i was always so tired... tired of people, tired of school, tired of dealing with everyday life.  now looking back, i think that i was needing an outlet.  i didnt' have anyone to talk to about my problems and i wasn't seeking attention, but i needing it.  i had friends, but noone close enough to vent to. i wasn't as close to my family as i am now and i just needed something.  i realized that i had a problem and i went to a counselor.  someone i didnt' really know... that wouldn't judge me, and she didnt'.  i only saw her that one time, but after letting go of all my inhibitions, it really helped.  i'm not saying that i was well over night, but talking to a professional was a decision that i'm glad that i made. so why am i talking about this gloomy subject?  well, i have a friend that a few of us suspect is suicidal.  i'm not sure how serious she is... a couple of years ago, she broke up with her boyfriend of many years, got back together, then broke up again.  she is one of the girls that put their relationship status as number 1 priority, and whenever she was out of a relationship, she would talk about suicide.  so here is the dilehma: she has talked of suicide many times now, how serious do we take it this time?  god forbid something happen and we saw the signs... another question, how do we get her to see a professional about her problem, because i dont' think that there is anything we can do or say to her that would sway her. i can't express to you how selfish i feel for thinking this, but i don't understand how this 29 year old woman thinks that her life is so insignificant without a man that she thinks that killing herself is the answer.  my 27 year old friend lost his life in a motorcycle accident and she wants to kill herself because she doesnt' have a boyfriend?  she has a family that loves her, and she loves all of them, she has a good job, a house, and a dog she adores.  she wants to give that all up because her ex-boyfriend is seeing someone new?  she really needs to talk to a professional.  i think that it would really help her deal with her emotions.  i really hope that she does.  if you have any comments, please email me.  yell at me for being mean, argue with me, let me know what you think about this particular subject.
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