i'm having a dilema, i sent in my resume to the county of san mateo for an extra help admin position. it's not exactly working for the county, more like a contract position, so no benefits or anything. i'm not super happy with this job here in oakland, but i'm content. i applied for the extra help position when i was unhappy here. anyhow they called me yesterday to set up an interview and i'm contemplating whether to call them back and set a day up or not. *sigh* just not sure what i want right now, and if i would feel good about leaving this job when there are now only 3 of us and if i leave, there's only 2 with one guy that's going to leave in october. i don't know if i can do that to my boss, even tho he's screwed me once before, i don't have the malice in me to screw him over. oh, i don't know.
so here's my angerball story i promised:
last friday i had dinner at my brother's house and watched home videos. around midnight i was getting tired and decided to go home. as i pulled up near my house, i noticed that our automatic driveway light was on. hmm.. i look and see that there is a black truck parked in front of my house so i wait behind it for the driver to realize that i need to get to my house. i recognize the truck as a neighbor's friend's truck and thought that they were parked there waiting for my neighber. i didn't want to honk at them cuz it was already after midnight and my neighbors didn't need to hear honking at such a late hour. so i waited. finally the car started pulling back and they tooted a short little honk. since there is no street parking available, i pull up into our driveway. halfway up the little hill, i notice a boy walking away from the garage side of my house. huh? i look past him to the side of my house from where he was walking away from and i see a trail of his piss on the side of our house, making a fuckin trail down our driveway. i open my window as quick as i could and yell out, excuse me, (why the hell i used such polite words to this asshole is beyond me) and try to park my car as fast as i could so that i could yank this boy's shirt collar and throw him to the floor. unfortunately by the time i got my car parked in the driveway, the boy already hopped into the getaway truck and drove away. i wanted to yell at them, but again, it was late in the night and i didn't want to disturb my neighbors, so i just gave em the finger. useless cuz i'm sure they didn't look back, those bastards.
i looked around our driveway and saw the piss, looked on the street around the area they were originally parked at and noticed that they also littered a bag of taco bell crap on the street. so angered and vengeful, i didn't dump the garbage in the trash can, but picked it up and threw it all in front of my neighbor's house because i knew that the truck and kids were friends of theirs. then i went back to the driveway and washed the pee away. i stood outside for a few too many minutes and contemplated their actions.
i was so disgusted and felt so violated by what they did. how do kids learn such disrespect?
i got my things out of the car and went into my house. i had a feeling that the kids would come back tho, so after i put things away, i went back downstairs and sat down on the staircase listening for the truck to come back round. i called parkin and told him what happened. he asked me what i was doing, and i told him that i was waiting for them to come back so that i could call them on what they did. he told me not to, that there's nothing i could do at that point, especially since i was alone. his words gave me no comfort so i hung up with him and sat waiting 10 minutes longer. i still had the feeling that they were coming back but i knew that i couldn't do anything so i went to my room and got ready for bed.
around 1pm, i heard a car coming up the street, and i went to my window, opened up my miniblinds so that they knew that i could see them, and looked out. it was the truck. as it neared our house and my window, i noticed that it was slowing down. not surprisingly, it started reversing, stopped then went forward again. then instead of stopping in front of my neighbor's house, it went around our street, (we live in the end of a dead end street) went around then left. yes i'm sure that they thought it LOOKED like it was just some strange lost truck, but i knew that it was the same black truck. idiots. i closed my blinds then went back to bed and watched tv. about a half hour later, i heard someone driving up the street again. i've lived there for my whole life so i could recognize these sounds, no matter how quiet it seems. i opened up the blinds once again and looked out. it was the truck again, with the headlights turned off driving slowly into the dead end. i just watched and again, it slowly crept away. at this point, i knew that the kids were either trying to drop off the neighbor or trying to pick up the neighbor kid but the kid probably didn't want to show himself to let me see who he or she was. IDIOTS.
i was ready to play the game all night but as it neared 2am i was too tired and fell asleep with the heating pad on my back. (yes my back is giving me a bit of achy trouble again) my parents came home around 2:30 and turned off my lights. i fell asleep angered, hurt, MADMADMAD!!! then i thought of ways to get back at those kids.
throw eggs at the car
key the car
pour a can of soda on it's windshield
pour honey or motoroil on the windshield
i'm still angered by the thought of kids, teenagers doing shit like this. disrespecting other people's property and the neighborhood. it's gross, rude and very degrading. stuff like this doesn't happen in millbrae. it shouldn't happen anywhere. who do these kids think they are? do they think shit like this is funny? and then it makes me think, have they done things like this to our house before and i just never knew? what the fuck is coming to this nation that people hurt other people, can trash other people's property without explanation, disturbing neighborhoods with no disregard for other people or the city. what is this world coming to?
then i think about my own future and my future children... it freaks me out that my own kids could turn out that way or their friends coherse them to do things. the peer pressure, the stress. what's to prevent this from happening to my own kids, that they learn disrespect and have no honor in what they do? do i want to bring children into the freakish new world where people kill each other and thrive on pain and cruelty to survive or just to humor one other?
yes i know that i'm being extreme now, i know that i'll raise my children with love and teach them respect, but it's the outside world that i'm afraid of. it's another problem among my neverending 'worry list'.
why do things like this always happen to me?
seriously there is only so much i can take before becoming an angry senile woman who has no more faith in anyone or anything in the world. anger is building up in me and i have no release. i fear i'm hurting not only myself but others close to me. yes there are huge amounts of good things that i'm grateful for but anger and hurt linger while the happiness comes and goes.
i need yoga