frozen toes,
sniffling up the mucas
trickling
down
my
nose.
parkin's house is still a mess. after the attempt to unpack my suitcase on saturday night, i haven't accomplished much thereafter because i've been sleeping so much. his mom is getting pretty upset at the mess. i guess that is one of the problems i'll be foreseeing in my future living at his place. the mess is mine to make, but in actuality it is not because the home is not my own. and even tho parkin pays rent, it is still his parent's duplex and they come and go as they please. :/ as much as parkin would like me to call it my home, i cannot because there is no ownership in it for me. not when his parents tell me to clean up before the housekeeper comes. (there's a bit of irony there, isn't there?) not when his mom comes into the kitchen in the mornings to put the dishes away. not when they unlock the door without knocking or ringing the doorbell before stopping in after a night of dancing. (they live upstairs from parkin's place, so it's a pitstop)
it's prolly myself being so spoiled, but at my parent's house, my mom or dad would point out a mess that i'd make of my room, but they don't tell me to clean it, or they haven't since i was in grade school. it would be out of my own disposition that i would clean it up. but that made me feel secure about my own living space, and that probably makes no sense but i have it sort of figured out in my head. and it's not that i like having a mess, it's just that i don't have anywhere to put anything! parkin keeps telling me to call his home my home, but i still can't do it without feeling odd about it. it doesn't sound right when i say it. no matter how much drawer or closet space (or lack thereof) he attempts to give me. no matter how much he lets me decorate the house. no matter how many pictures he lets me post around the room, i need more than that to feel like it is my home. it is only a living space for me right now. i felt more home security in the san jose apartments that i rented during college. it won't be until we invest into buying a home away from his parents housee, away from my own parent's house, that i will feel that sense of ownership.
we stopped by ivy's house last night to pick up tickets to watch a screening of 'analyze that' for tonight. (by the way, she and oli both told us that the screening of solaris that we missed was HORRIBLE) oli's family is selling their house in south san francisco. it is a beautiful home and i told parkin that it would be great to live in a house like that one, one day. and in that one brief moment, i dreamt about how nice it would be to OWN a home with him. to start a family in a house like that one. but soon the bubble popped and reality sunk in. realistically, we will never be able to purchase a home like that one. realistically when we start a family, we will be living in his parent's duplex still. realistically we will not be able to THINK about buying a new house for at least 3-4 years. that makes me sad. but it is the wisest thing to do right now because in reality, we just don't make enough money, with our salaries combined, to put even a down payment on a home. *sigh* but i will be patient. i will have to be patient. things like this take time, and as long as parkin is by my side, then i will be ok. i will be patient. i will save. i will get off my high horse. i will put up with whatever i need to. but of course he'll have to bear with my whines every once in awhile. ;)
~
no, we do not make a habit of owning the same style and color clothes. this particular sweater was on sale in hong kong, 2 for $99HKD = 2 sweaters for less than $13USD. and new our hong kong jeans were also $99HKD each.
i was going to get a gray sweater, but they didn't have my size, so we both ended up getting the same black one, not planning to wear them at the same time. no worries, he changed before we went out because i picked my outfit before him in the morning.