did anybody watch alias last night!? oh my gosh, the ending!!! ack! :-O
my throat hurts. i woke up yesterday morning very parched. my throat, it felt like i had swallowed a ping pong ball and it was stuck or something. this morning was similar.
i woke up at 6:45am this morning determined to get to work on time. i also had time to fill up at the nearby valero for gas and got to work at 7:45. yeah baby. any phone calls this morning? nope. it's a quarter to 9 and someone had just called, and i answered, but there was no one on the other end. that happens a lot, i don't know why or who it is. maybe it's the boss checking up on me, who knows. freak.
i hate being the last one to leave the office. i didn't mind during the summertime, but now that dusk comes knocking at around 4pm, by 5pm darkness blankets oakland. luckily the offices upstairs are open even later so people are still walking around and i know i'm not completely alone. plus the new security guy is always around, so i don't feel unsafe. it's just the darkness that scares me when i turn off the office lights as i'm leaving.
there is an emotion growing inside of me. it's anxious, it's hurt, it's confused, it's too much right now. i don't want to deal with it but it's looming around, waiting for it's time to blow over me. i want to scream, i want to cry, i feel the tears brimming, but all i can do it giggle with nervousness. it's hard to hide it, i don't want to hide it, but i don't understand it yet. i'm not ready to explain it, i don't know what it is exactly. but it hurts. i'm scared. it's building, it's ruining. *deep breath* i feel like i'm at the peak of a roller coaster, i know what's coming, but i don't remember the feeling of fear until i start falling. but it's definately fear.
it's a damn cold night,
trying to figure out this life.
won't you,
take me by the hand,
take me somewhere new,
i don't know who you are,
but i'm...
i'm with you.
can you guess the name and artist of this song? it's my new favorite song right now and i'd be very impressed if you knew, from the lyrics above.
i applied for a job with alice radio as an assistant to promotions. it's just a part time gig and i doubt i'll get it, but i thought it'd be fun to apply for. working at a radio station would be kick ass i think. i was also talking to sonny bout looking for a job at sfo. a friend of mine just got a job as a screener. good pay, full benefits, and ok hours. i love watching people. the bad thing is that if someone finds out that i'm observing from afar, it freaks them out and i feel bad. but i love watching kids, adults, beautiful people, not so pretty people, babies, croonies... it's interesting watching human behaviour in their natural environments. it's like watching animals in their cages. bad example. sorry.
peggy is coming to town this week! yay. she's a bit under the weather, but hopefully she'll be all better while she's back for the holidays. i can't wait to see her and ashlyn. she's like food for my soul. i feel comfort when i see her, don't know know what it is, but it's nice. and that babygirl of her always brings a smile to my face.
i had a dream that all the xmas cards i sent out got lost or no one received them because i had the wrong addresses. that sucks. i hope that didn't happen. i have a few more to send out, but i'm bummed that i ran out of my other ones. they were really cute.
a super late CONGRATULATIONS to judy and sam!
they got married earlier this month.
*waves* to kat. thanks for writing!
so many thoughts, i can't seem to stop babbling, but i will now.
my eyeballs are tired.
so sleepy.
~