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i tried. i tried to block out the conversation i had with Y about ending the best friendship we had last year. the hurt, the discouragement, the sadness... but i couldn't. i can't. as much as i try to have a friendship with her, it hurts to think that she could say awful words to me to clear her own conscience, to give relief to her own burden. instead, she mounted the burden on my own shoulders. and when i see her, when i talk to her, i feel like a hand, her hand is squeezing my heart. because of her, i question myself. i question my views, my attitudes, my thoughts, my actions. i don't want to do to others what she supposes i did to her. it's fake now. when i see her, it's not as natural as it use to be. the anger is still in me, the flame is still there. i don't know how to rid of it, i don't like it there. i pray, i think, i try to forget and forgive but it doesn't blow away.
i saw her
she smiled
i smiled back,
but i didn't want to
i would have much rather avoided her,
her questions,
avoided the situation
and i guess that's what i really wanted. the situation to be avoided. it didn't need to be said. it didn't need to hurt. it would have faded and we would have just been friends. it would have been natural. now there is anger, too much hurt... and the question becomes, do i want to be friends with her?
then i realize that i am a hypocrite of my own words.
i am confused by my own thoughts.
i apologize for my constant babbling and negative rants. i'm usually a peppy person, i swear.
most impressed with dohlson and gg for naming the artist and song from yesterday.
the beautiful ballad by avril lavigne, i'm with you. here's another one for you, musical whiz kids:
you could be my someone
you could be my sea
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
i wonder what youre doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far.
last night, parkin and i met with a florist at the rincon center. i can't wait to have our wedding reception there, it is just wonderfully magical in there. i think it's the fountain. anyways, leighsa (pronounced lisa) was very nice and her portfolio and presentation was very different from the previous florist we met with a couple of weeks ago. it's going to be a hard pick.
after our meeting, parkin and i decided to take a walk, just like we always did in hong kong. with parkin walking 5 feet in front of me. (hehe, inside joke) the rain had stopped, the air was crisp, and the sky was beautifullly clear. we held hands and walked a couple of blocks toward market street. we ran into the hyatt regency and took a peek inside. niiiiice. i looked around and we found out that the equinox restaurant was upstairs. we went up to the spinning restaurant and i said to parkin, 'if we stay here after the wedding, that sunday night, let's dine here.' he said ok with a smile. the view of the city was breathtaking. we decided to look into the room rates. the woman working at the front desk gave us a private tour of a couple of suites, and they were really nice, we were impressed. it's only two blocks away from the rincon center, an easy walk after reception festivities. ;)
we decided last night, to stay there on our wedding night.
hong kong journals are FINALLY up! thanks for your patience.
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