The Ultimate College List Here it is, all those hilarious "You Know You're a College Student When--" e-mails, compiled into one gigantic list.  (If ya know of any more to add, please tell me) *You hope for the Apocolypse because you just don't feel like doing your homework anymore. *You alphabetize your CD collection just so you have something else to do besides writing your 5-page paper. *You have a tough time deciding which class to skip so that you can get time to eat.                *Small things like hearing Brittney Spears on the radio immediately make you want to kill someone. *Your teacher complains about something that you did wrong and you start laughing hysterically in her face for no apparent reason. *You are so tired that you answer the phone with "Hell". *zupi [it upit gomhrtd pm yjr etpmg lrud ejrm upi yu[r upit [s[rt smffmpmt ts;ovr oy nrvsidr upit bodopm od fpp n;ittrf/ (you put your fingers on the wrong keys when you write your paper and don't realize it because your vision is so blurred.) *Your Mom calls to ask how you've been and you scream "Get off my back bitch!" *When your parents inquire about grades you sing the cookie monster song "C is for cookie and that's good enough for me" *Your desk workspace area consists of a bar stool, blender, and "flasks" of various strong scented drinks. *You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire but go back to sleep because you just don't care anymore. *Cartoons are for all ages. *You have so much on your mind that you've forgotten how to pee. *You sleep more in class than you do in your own bed. *You leave for a party and instinctively bring your bookbag. *You think about blowing up the power plant so that you won't be able to have classes for at least a day. *Visions of the upcoming weekend help get you through Monday. *Did somebody mention contaminating the campus water supply? *Your answering machine message states: "YOU ARE BREAKING MY CONCENTRATION, NEVER CALL HERE AGAIN !" *You realize that nobody will hear your answering machine message because nobody calls you anymore because all your friends think that you are stuck up for never having time to talk to them. *You spend all of your free time writing stupid lists to e-mail to people so they know that you are still alive somewhere on campus. *You boast ramen as a culinary accomplishment. *Eating month old bread doesn't faze you. *Watching TV (i.e. shows like "The Simpsons", "The Dukes of Hazzard", "Friends", and "Felicity") becomes more important than studying. *College students throw paper airplanes too. *Showers become less important, sleep becomes more important. *Laundry becomes a major financial decision. *You know how to sleep comfortably in a single bed with another person (presumably a skill obtained from practicing). *You routinely wander the halls late at night writing strange and involved messages on memo boards, bulletin boards, etc., as a method of procrastination. * If given a choice between buying bread and beer, you choose beer. *Mail is a reason for a party. *Anything is a reason for a party. *When adding up your monthly expenses, you don't forget to include cover charge and beer money. *The words, "I'm REALLY stupid for going out tonight," come out of your mouth at least once a week- usually while downing your third or fourth beer. *You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. *You think being drunk is a state of mind. *You get excited over Spaghetti-O's. *You think nothing of writing 45-cent checks. *You become territorial over toilet/shower stalls. *You could easily stay up all night playing cards and board games, but staying up to write a paper is pure hell. *Quarters are like gold and cannot be tampered with. *Two meals a day is standard. *Road trip whenever possible. *Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before. *Naps aren't just for kindergartners. *You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting. *Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition. *Squirt guns = Stress relief. *E-mail and Instant Message chat becomes your second language. *You never realized so many people were smarter than you. *Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, but you can recite last week's re-run of "The Simpsons" verbatim. *You've rented more movies during the semester than you ever had in your entire life. *You realize no one is too old for video games. *The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that. *Care packages are right up there with birthdays. *Campus is only clean for family weekend and freshman orientation. *It never sucked so much to get sick. *Nothing you want to register for will be open. *Beware of the freshman 15!!! *Creativity is a necessity in the dining hall. *Classes... the later the better. *You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you. *Disney movies are more than just classics. *Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night. *You have more power strips than outlets. *Cereal makes a meal any time of the day. *New additions to food groups: popcorn and pizza. *ATM's are the devils advocate. ATM = Another Twenty Missing. *Duct tape heals all wounds. *If they say you can't have it in your dorm, you know they are just kidding--especially stolen paraphernalia. *Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them even more. *You see Procrastination as an art form. *The best paper you have ever written was composed "under the influence" *Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires. *The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty. *You'll eat anything that's free. *You are never alone. *You think about how relaxing it would be if only you were in jail right now. *You can argue for hours about the symbolism found in various episodes of "The Simpsons" but a two-page paper on an entire book is totally beyond you. *Thanks to Napster, you will never listen to one of your CDs ever again. *Those ugly cinder block walls are not sound proof. *You will come to hate at least one person in your hall with a passion. *Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature. *If the weather is bad, the only reason you will leave your room is for food or alcohol *If he/she has a car, he/she will become your best friend. *Dishes smell after days of piling up. *No matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back--get used to it *Pictures, posters, emails or anything else to cover the ugly cell we live in will be transformed into wallpaper. *SNOOD is more addicting than pot. *You pray for a World War Three so you can get out of school for a while. *Out of pure laziness, you substitute a spritz of body spray or cologne to substitute a shower. *It's 2 am, and you have an entire book to read, and yet, that game of minesweeper you're playing takes priority. *You can't afford all your schoolbooks, but can squeeze enough money out to get that one useless thing that you really want off e-bay. *You IM your friends next door, or better yet, your roommate sitting next to you *You think whiteboard marker theft should be an offense punishable by public stoning *While showering, you live in constant fear of a toilet being flushed *Your ants have names. *You've deleted important documents on your computer to make room for your mp3's (term paper?shmerm paper!) *The thought of going home and having to use a dial-up modem makes you want to cry. *You try to enter your password on the microwave. *You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach five friends. *You chat several times a day with a stranger from India, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year. *Your reason for not staying in touch with high some school friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. *Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes. *You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person. *Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes,e-mail addresses, and MP-3's-- you cried for a week straight. *You know exactly how many days you've got left until break. *You're already late on the assignment you just got. *You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes. *Reading through this list, you keep repeating, "True, oh so very true."