"THE ISLAND"

Gossip

WEEK SIX:

The Californians (Hillary, Judy and Esther) on The Island feel that the New Yorkers have formed an alliance against them. Bad Fanny and Cheryl were both voted off early and were both from California. If Margaret hadn't flipped out when she did Esther was sure it was her turn to get the boot.

At the last tribunal the Moderator questioned the New Yorkers about the alliance rumor. Katie said straight faced, "That's nonsense! I like Hollywood! I like Alice Faye! What's not to like?"

Daisy looked uneasy when she was asked. "An alliance?" she said, "If I went to the police with a story like that, they'd lock me up! There is no alliance that I know of." In a flashback she added, “I DO NOT KNOW.”

Good Fanny felt sorry for Daisy and tried to come to her rescue by adding, "If Daisy ever voted against a Californian and on the side of some alliance I'm sure it was just a case of the dope's an innocent dupe!"

Claudia just laughed and said the Californians were all paranoid. Judy chimed in with her San Franciscan accent (I think she's from the Brooklyn section of SF), "Ya should know Claudia, you're the authority on paranoia." Claudia laughed again and promptly threw talcum powder at Judy before flashing the Moderator.

Daisy feared she hurt someone's feelings with her past votes. This fear was even stronger than her fear of no smoking signs.  Because of this Daisy announced she'd be voting alphabetically from now on! Anshel got upset and ran into the woods again. Daisy got the idea when she found Katie's address stuck in an English dictionary under "X". Ya know, for Katie X. Cohen?

Convinced there was an alliance Esther wore her Superman shirt and painted bulls-eyes on the ass cheeks of her skimpy short. She insisted everyone call her "Target". An infuriated Katie (when is she NOT infuriated?) charged that Esther's cheap attempt at humor was only an unethical paid advertisement for the department store "Target" in the "Do It" Shopping Center. Esther smirked and said to Katie, "I guess you aren't the only one to form an unethical alliance". For the first time Lowenstein felt a kinship to Esther yet she was never quite sure why.

The biggest faux pas of the week took place when it was Henrietta’s turn to cook. Without telling anyone she served the group “pork bellies”. Lucky for the Orthodox Twins Yentl she was still in the woods looking for Anshel at the time. She told the group to eat up, “Umm, yum yum!” The characters were not amused when they tasted the bellies of pork. “And we thought the rat was bad” screamed Doris. Henrietta admitted to whoever would listen that she had taken bad advice. “Evil Fanny told me since I owned pork belly stock, whenever I cooked it for the group I’d be making 5 cents on every serving.”  “I made a mistake,” she added with a frown. Henrietta now knew Bad Fanny was obviously trying to sabotage her standing in the group with this advice. She managed to calm some of the inhabitants down with her explanation.

The next day Henrietta arrived at Pagan Cooking class early to talk to her teacher Katie Morosky about the dinner fiasco. She needed all the allies she could get and calculated that Katie would be the swing vote this week. Henrietta found the class door locked and Judy in the hallway with island herbs for a Pagan carrot cake recipe she was working on. When Judy saw Henrietta, still mad from the night before, she excused herself in a lame way saying she wanted to use the “bubble bath” in the rest room. Judy left so quickly that she forgot to take her herbs with her.

Katie entered the building a few minutes later and unlocked the class door. Henrietta, looking to make points with Judy, took it upon herself to bring Judy’s herb project into the classroom. After putting on her wig and glasses Henrietta loaded the ingredients into a shopping bag. Upon entering the room the bag exploded leaving Katie, Henry and the classroom in a mess! Judy ran into the room clad only in a towel to see what happened. “Are you hurt” Judy inquired. “Is anything broken? I hope it’s not your coccyx!” Hillary ran in and began to tell the group about an awful paper cut she had once gotten on her tongue. “This was your fault, these were your ingredients in this bag!” Henrietta screamed at Judy. “I’ve never seen that old bag before in my life” Judy replied batting her eyes. She slowly walked off whistling in a nonchalant guilty way.

Henrietta of course sealed her fate and was ousted off The Island in a close vote. There may actually be an alliance, but when someone almost poisons the group and blows up a classroom they deserve to be voted out. After calling her cousin in Dallas to pick her up and having them hang up Henrietta had nowhere to go. Pack your bags Henrietta; your contract on The Island has been sold. This time though it better matches your “special talents”. Your new employer Yasser Arafat will pick you up in the morning.

Week 5

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