The Different

#4 in the series. Once again same artist. Different song, get it. No okay, that wasn’t funny, the song is ‘The Different’.

The Different.
by Barnaby

Catherine. That’s the only word, name whatever, I can use to describe my bad mood right now. She and I have been at it for two weeks now and it’s pissing me off. I mean my point is that not everyone needs to know about us and there is no way I want the guy’s to know, no matter how supportive they might be.

You’ve never been to the moon
But don’t you wanna go
Under the sea in the volcano
You’ve never looked into my eyes
But don’t you wanna know
What the dark and the wild and the different know

God. Things were like this in my last relationship. She wanted everyone to know and then when things didn’t go the way she planned she wanted things to be ‘just us’. Why should this time be any different? Cath might decide now that she wants everyone to know but what happens after that? She will probably start saying that we should have kept ‘us’ quiet.

Come dance with me now
We’ll dance without a care
I’m as free as a fire
Change is in the air
There’s some thing’s in my life
I’ll never understand
But they become the force
That makes me who I am

Do you know even after we slept together she still has no idea about me. I mean she really doesn’t know the driving force behind Sara Sidle. She thinks I have a problem with wife beaters, well I do but she doesn’t know why, and she has no idea how badly I wanted to hurt Eddie the day she came in with a black eye. I knew it was him that gave it to her. I now know that she’s still puzzling over that little spat I had with her, the one where Ecklie suspended me because I was yelling at her, God that day was hard. It was so hard not to blurt out that my father was a wife beater and that my mother had killed him one night because he was after us.

I think Cath has this little thing about needing to be different than everyone else. I mean she has to know things that really aren’t her business, like she’s the lab gossip or something. She has to dress a certain way and she has to always think she’s superior. It’s like a competition and Goddammit if I wasn’t in love with her there’s no way I would even think about touching her.

Don’t you worry ‘bout the kids
The kids are alright
Mama’s rollin’ in the backyard
Filled with love and light
‘Cause you live and you learn
And you learn to hold on
And time will make it heal
And time will make it gone

The other reason I don’t want anyone to know about us is Lindsey. I don’t know how she’ll react. I mean I know she’s okay with me but would she be okay with her mom dating a woman.

Why do things have to be public for there to be fulfilment in a relationship? I mean does she need things to be public to prove that I’m not ashamed and trying to hide it because of that, or what? I mean what’s wrong with it being ‘just us’ a while longer?

Come with me now
Come with me now
It’s time to try
It’s time to fly

I just want things to get comfortable between us first, what would we say to everyone if we announced us now ‘hey guy’s me and Cath are fucking’, I want to be able to get up and say ‘hey guy’s me and Cath are in love’ I mean right now we’re not even at the love stage. We have feelings for each other sure but we aren’t in love yet. You need to give things time before you know.

Under the sea in the volcano
You’ve never looked into my eyes
But don’t you wanna know
What the dark and the wild and the different know

So hey Cath, why do things have to become public now? I mean don’t you want me all to yourself for a while?

I know that that’s what I want. I want it to be us, no-one else, for a while and I know that if we tell everyone now, everyone will want to offer advice, offer to watch… whatever. Plus there’s a newness here, I want to e able to be secure enough with you before you go telling everyone. I think at the moment you just want to go public because you’ve never hidden a relationship from anyone.

You’ve never been to the moon
But don’t you wanna go
Under the sea in the volcano
You’ve never looked into my eyes
What the dark and the wild and the different know

C’mon Cath, don’t you wanna know what it’s like to keep things secret for awhile, it can be fun.

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