AN: I
mixed POV's but it's more like a dialogue without them talking! This is what I
think should really happen if they dissolve this shift split thing. There is
actually dialogue in this one takes a while but it’s there. I don't know much
about the split shift thing as season 5 hasn't premiered here yet (at the time
I wrote this)! I think Sophia is the one that got demoted, right? Did she even
get demoted... I don't know, anyway in this story I thought it'd be fun to
refer to her as the 'oh demoted one' when in Sara's POV.
Disclaimer: All
characters mentioned from CSI belong to Anthony Zuiker and associates. I own
nothing.
Shift
by Barnaby
Sara:
You know what sucks? All the guy's think I have a
thing for Grissom, even Catherine started to believe it. What none of them know
is that I don't have a thing for Grissom.
Now that the shift has split I feel a little
depressed. You see, I was kind of happy that she wasn't on our shift anymore
but now I'm rather pissed about the fact that I don't see her anymore, we just
started to get along until all this happened.
I don't even get to have those silly little bickering
sessions anymore. I haven't seen her since the split. I think the psychiatrists
actually have a condition for what I'm going through. It's called Catherine
Willows withdrawals. See that's what no-one ever noticed about me is I'm
attracted to women as well. Especially a certain blonde.
I have always controlled my attraction to her even
when we were out at that crime scene at the convenience store. She looked so
gorgeous ranting about seniority that I just had to do something to distract
myself from thinking about her beautiful hair, beautiful body, getting off
topic here Sidle - anyway I even managed to control my attraction to her the
night Eddie was murdered.
Now I just don't see her anymore and I need my
Catherine Willows fix. She doesn't stick around when swing finishes so I don't
see her. I wish shift's would go back to the way they were. We wouldn't have
the 'oh demoted one' and Catherine wouldn't be on swing. Okay I admit that I'm
glad she got the promotion but I miss her so much.
You know ever since I got here and the moment I first
saw her I have been so in love with her. Of course she never knew that. Hell
she barely even acknowledged me and that just says that she wouldn't feel the same way as me. I don't just miss
her on a professional level. I miss her the way she used to make me feel good
when we worked a case. She actually respected and talked to me, okay so I do
miss her just on a professional level.
Gee I really wish shift's would go back to the way
they were and I think Grissom actually really misses Cath. I mean she was his
best friend but no-one could ever miss her the way I do. I love Catherine
Willows and the pain just wont go away.
Catherine:
Being an exotic dancer you experience things that
people wouldn't usually expect from you. I have had stupid one night stands
with women but I have never felt this way toward another woman ever!
The only thing wrong with my promotion wasn't getting
Warrick and Nick, it was leaving her. I know I wasn't exactly forthcoming in
welcoming her but as time wore on I started feeling guilty about the way I treated her. Now would you believe me if I
told you I actually miss her?
When we worked that case out in that place, wherever
it was - the one that involved Tammy Felton - I enjoyed having those little
jabs at her, especially that one about the mirror. That was priceless, the look
on her face, gee was that the cutest look, the way her face lit up with shock.
I really didn't mean it the way she took it, it was meant as a compliment. She
really doesn't need to worry about her appearance, she's gorgeous enough. The
way her face lit up in mock anger when Warrick took that jab about missing what
we were supposed to be seeing was actually my favourite look.
I guess you could say I'm going to miss Sara. Can't
believe it, can you? Well neither can I. I never thought I'd miss her but then
again I always thought I'd be in Gil's shadow. I guess things don't always turn
out as you'd expect.
You'll never know Sara, you really wont. I have loved
you since the moment you stepped into the doorway and asked me if I knew where
Catherine Willows was and I told you she was in the field. Looking back on it I
guess it was a little funny, me telling you I was in the field. Hmm, I wish I
could be in two places at once because then one of me would be here and the
other would be with you.
You see, the cold hearted bitch that is Catherine
Willows to you my dear Sara is capable of loving someone like you, in fact I
do, I love you, I love you very much Sara. Forget Grissom, I wish you could
have seen me for who I truly am.
Sara:
I know what I'll do. I'll write a letter and... and...
okay I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead. Okay start with the letter
Sidle then figure the rest out.
'Dear Catherine'...
no, no, no! Type it you fool she'll know it's you otherwise! Well... ah... that
is kinda the point here. Okay, here we go again.
'Dearest
Catherine'... You can do this Sidle, just write what's in your heart.
In the end I finally got it on paper, everything that
I'm feeling but now what to do with it? Ah... locker? No, never work, office?
Someone might read it, mail box? Where do you live again? Okay, okay, I think
we'll just go with the office idea.
For the next couple of shift's I am so antsy that
maybe you got my letter but that you either haven't read it or that you are
ignoring me. You know I really hate this shift split thing, it's killing me. I
can't even tell if you're ignoring me or not!
Everyday I miss you more. I wonder how you are, I
wonder how Lindsey is. I wonder if the guys miss us. I don't think they do.
Some day's are worse than the other's. I really miss you on the really bad
day's but on the good one's I just ask myself - what would you do, I do that in
some of my cases too.
It seems that no matter what I do lately reminds me of
you and I can't seem to get you out of my head. I tried today to beg Griss to
try and get our team back together. I really miss you Cath. I'm sorry you'd
have to give up your promotion but I miss you a lot and I need you here with me
on grave shift. I miss you.
Catherine:
Today when I arrived at work I saw the envelope
sitting there on my desk. I was almost afraid to open it. Eventually my curiosity
got the better of me. My name was written on it in very delicate handwriting.
'Dearest
Catherine,
First I had
better start by telling you that in the five and a bit years we worked
together, I fell in love with you. I couldn't go another day without telling
you. I need you to know that I never expected anything to come of me telling
you and that is why I kept it from you.
The night that
Eddie was murdered I wanted so badly to tell you, hold you and just be there
for you but I knew that it wasn't allowed. You would never feel the same way
about me so I kept it hidden.
I don't know why
you and I never got along, I always thought that it was because you were
threatened by my presence or if it was because you thought I was going to take
over your case. It was never my intention to make you feel threatened by my
presence. I really do love you Cath.
My love always,
Sara Sidle'
Oh my god, Sara. That was so beautifully written. How
do I compete with that show of affection? You and I both know I'm not very good
with words. A good day for us means me going home early and spending time with
Lindsey and a bad day means staying at work longer than I need to, so talking
to you wouldn't work.
Breakfast... would you agree? Letter... no not good
with words! Talking... I don't see you enough anymore, wish I'd gotten day
shift! What else?... Guess breakfast may be a good idea. The diner where we
used to go.
I'll write a note to tell you where and when to meet
me. Now what to do with it? Stick it to your locker... no the guy's would see
it or uh... Greg or Grissom. Grissom... he wouldn't read it if it was sealed.
I'll write a sticky note to put onto the envelope for Grissom telling him to
pass it onto you.
Sara:
At the start of shift Grissom calls me into his
office, hands me the envelope and I sigh. I'm terrified to open it.
'Sara,
Breakfast.
Wednesday morning after your shift. The diner where we used to go.
Cath.'
I sigh again, I think Grissom is getting worried. I
know he knows it's from you but he doesn't know why I sighed twice in one
minute. I am glad that you aren't ignoring this and you asking me out to
breakfast has to be a good sign.
"What's wrong Sara?"
"Nothing, seriously I'm fine"
I go through the rest of the shift, surprisingly,
without thinking about you or our breakfast date.
Wednesday comes around all to slowly and we're sitting
in the diner. I can see that you are having a hard time trying to figure out
what to say. "I love you too Sara" you finally just come out with it.
I'm stunned for a little while but when I look up I see that you're completely
serious.
"Thank you"
"For what?"
"For not ignoring the letter or me"
"Sara I have never ignored you, yes I may have
been cold to you but I have certainly never ignored you" I am so relieved
to hear you say that. It's what I have wanted to hear for five and a bit years
now. I can't keep my emotions in check. Tears of happiness spill over before I
can reel them in! "Sara, honey don't cry"
"Happiness"
"Huh?"
"They're tears of happiness"
Catherine:
When you tell me they're tears of happiness I am so
relieved, I couldn't bare to think that I'd caused you to cry. I don't ever
want you to cry because of me. "Sara come home with me" I am
surprised that you actually accept. I am glad the guy's can look after
themselves especially for today's shift.
We arrive at my place and I tell you to come in and
we'll talk. I'm not one to sleep with someone so quickly and besides we have a
lot to talk about. We get comfortable and I don't bother to offer you coffee,
you finished two cups at the diner.
We talk for what seems like hours which I guess it is.
You finally tell me that you have to go home, that you actually need to sleep
and I decide for old times sake to take a jab. "What Sara Sidle actually knows
what sleep is?" and there it is. The shocked look that I cherish in my
dreams.
You kiss me playfully on the cheek but I have other
idea's and hold you in place to plant a kiss right on your lips and the first thought that pop's
into my head is screw my stupid little rules. I have wanted this for so long
that I have to have it and I have to have it now! You silently agree with my
thought process as you deepen the kiss.
"Stay here. We don't have to do anything, just
stay here please" I don't know where the pleading came from. I haven't
ever been one to beg for anything especially for someone to stay with me.
You agree with me wordlessly as you stand and that is
my undoing, Sara Sidle is actually agreeing to stay with me. When we reach the
bedroom you kiss me again deeply and I can't hold back. I reach for your shirt
and you don't stop me. I think you need this as much as I do right now, just to
confirm that this isn't a dream.
Sara:
We wake up a little later that afternoon and I kiss
you until I feel you stir. I tell you that I love you and that I need to go
because I have to work tonight and I can't go to work without showering and
changing my clothes.
Catherine:
I really don't want to let you go because I'm scared.
I'm scared because for once I don't know what happens next. I finally have you
but with you being on grave shift and me being on swing it's going to be hard.
Sara:
I know you're scared about what happens next. I am
too. There is really only one way we can do this and that is for one of us to
switch shift's again. I'll gladly do it. I don't want you to have to give up
your promotion because of me.
Catherine:
I've got a meeting with the Sheriff and Ecklie. Geesh
I despise that man. I never really wanted to be on swing so I'll tell them
that. Warrick's a good leader, he'd like the job more than me, wonder if I can persuade
him to take it.
Sara:
I get to work and Ecklie and the Sheriff are there. I
wondered why for a little while and then I saw you. The three of you were
talking to Grissom. All I hear of the conversation is that the 'oh demoted one'
is being changed to swing shift.
Catherine:
I didn't need to beg the Sheriff and Ecklie to put me
back on nights, apparently Gil and Sophia aren't getting along and there have
been several complaints made and she's being put on swing under Warrick's
command. I can't believe it!
Sara:
Greg and I are sitting in the break room when we get
the news that the 'oh demoted one' is going to swing but Warrick's the
supervisor. So that means... that means... I can't believe it. We're going to
be together again.
Catherine:
Oh my dear Sara. You can stop hugging me now. You keep
whispering in my ear that we'll be together again. I whisper into your ear that
I love you and that Greg and Grissom are stunned to see this. When you tell me
you love me too I smile. I'm glad to be back!
¬
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