GEE WIZ! What an amazing home movie! Great special make-up effects, spiffy cinematography, and startling turn after turn from the amatuer cast! They even got the use of a real live helicopter and Hollywood-style pyrotechnics!

Oop. Wait. What's that you say? It's *not* a home movie? It "stars" Tom Savini (in what amounts to little more than a cameo), has a score by former John Carpenter collabroator Alan Howarth, and is produced by the not-so beloved John Russo?

Uh...Well, in that case...

What a total and utter piece of steaming, intestinal parasite infested DOG SHIT.

Russo's reputation as a con-man was sealed with the release of the "Night of the Living Dead" special edition (which I've never seen since I refuse to buy it and it's not available for rental), but why Savini would lend his name to this crude, tepid and downright BORING fiasco baffles me. It's clear to see that he had a blast playing a crazed paramilitary survivalist zombie exterminator, but his name adds an air of legitamcy to this turd that it most certainly doesn't deserve. I don't think the film was designed to shock, horrify, thrill, scare or entertain. Nope, watching "Children of the Living Dead" gives one the distinct impression that its producers figured there would be enough curiosity seekers and hardcore zombie fans out there that ANY movie with "Living Dead" in the title would turn a buck, and that the actual film itself was a mere afterthought.

You know what might have been fun? If they had spent the same money to make a film that picked up from where "NOTLD" left off and concerned the episodic journey of a mixed bag of characters desperately trying to make their way to a rescue station. Sure, it might have been cheap-ass and amatuerish and a poor imitation of a Romero movie, but it might have made an adequate time-killer. Confucius say, "You can NEVER have too many zombie movies." Generally I'd be inclined to agree with him, but I'd rather never see another zombie movie than sit through another Russo production.

Don't waste your time boils and ghouls. This one isn't even worth taking a peek at out of curiosity.

Dead meat, ripe n' reeking.
Moribund, but showing a slight flicker of life.
Good and healthy.
Brimming with vitality.