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I stand atop a grassy hill that overlooks the morose seen below. Icy cold wind gusts past me, whipping strands of my long, layered blue hair behind me like a banner. The silver crescent moon shaped streak on the left side of my hair,
which had seemed so rebellious at the time, is now merely irritating as it lashes my brown eyes again.

That's what's making my eyes water, not the scene below me, I tell myself furiously, crossing my arms across my chest to guard against the wind. And if I say that a hundred more times, I may even come to believe it. A rare oment of wry humor at an inappropriate time. A funeral is going on below, the final burial, the last goodbye.

The wind seems to be icy for only me as people below have shed their light jackets and coats. My denial and shock at what had happened. The wind carries the sounds of the crowd pounding on the gates errected twenty feet around the burial site, around the limos that have arrived carrying the surviving family memebers. The sound of music has started, the sound of four perfectly harmonizing voices, still in tune after nearly twenty years, by the four men below me. What were the events that brought me to this most dire of places?

~ One Week Ago~

"You can't go, I won't let you," He said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest in an unconscious guesture of defensiveness.

"Oh yeah and you're gonna stop me? I'm twenty-four now, I can do what I want, when I want." I glared at him, my hands on my hips. This won't work. Hmm, maybe an innocent look? I looked up at him through my long, lightly mascaraed lashes.

"Please?" A pout. "I can take care of myself. I know tae-bo."

He snorted, "What? Have you been taking whining lessons from Nick again?"

I frowned, "No."

"And that is my final answer. No you cannot go tonight or anynight. I won't let you date that guy, you can't even think about dating him."

I was shocked. How had he known? I was wanted to go to the party to see this guy, Jack. He looked like that guy from the 90's Titianic remake. And he was such a good kisser...

"Marissa would've let me go."

He raked a hand through his thick brown hair, cut short in the back and longish in front. "That was cold and uncalled for, Piper."

That's my name, don't wear it out! A flashing memory, living and dying in a second.

My throat constricted slightly. I forced it away, leaned casually against the black baby grand piano, and shrugged.

Marissa died two years ago. That made things tense around me and A.J., we were fighting constantly, me threatening to move out and him threatining to throw me out. Anyway, she was pretty with short blond hair and naturally violet eyes. She'd been a model, left one day, caught her flight to Milan for a shoot. Her plane crashed on the way back, no survivors.

"Then I see I've learned from the best, huh, A.J.?" My tone was mocking, cutting deep. I saw his eyes grow wide, watched him pale as he turned to me.

"Don't call me that, ever. I'm not A.J. anymore to anyone. I'm not that person, especially not to you."

"Fine then, Alexander." I drawled out. That got him pissed. I knew he'd say,

"Fine, go. See what I care." It's all he'd said to me other than "Pass the salt." Like I wasn't pissed and sad sometimes too. Usually the part where I brought up Marissa worked.

"What's going on?" A new voice interuppted argument number five million. It was Brian. He still had the same haircut he'd had when Backstreet was the Backstreet Boys. Still had the accent and still had his wife, Leighanne. But she wasn't here, a shame since she usually took my side, Brian had come alone that night.

"Nothin', just tryin' to get ol' A.J. here to let me go to a party." I said sweetly, innocently. I liked Brian too, he was the sweetest. I saw A.J. wince when I called him by his old name.

"And she's not goin'," A.J. said, glaring at me. He walked to Brian, his steps loose and limber, still astone as when he'd been twenty-four.

"Yo, Danny," he called out. A moment later, a big, beefy guy came out. "Watch Piper, she's not allowed out at all."

Danny nodded, "No problem, boss."

I looked to Brian for help, but he just looked at his Rolex. I shrieked in frustration and jabbed a finger in A.J.'s direction. "I will never forgive you for this!" I growled at him. I stormed away, out of the music room, followed by my shadow, Danny.

"Actually, someday you'll thank me for this, babe." A.J.'s raspy voice called out tensly.

Trying to ingnore him, I stormed up the stairs, taking them two at a time. The stairs were my only way to the ground level of the mansion. I snarled softly as I stomped childishly to my room. One hand on the door knob, I paused, hearing A.J. and Brian talking.

"Why is she acting like this, B-Rok?"

I flinched at his old nickname for Brian. I had hurt him.

"She's never shouted like that. It's like I don't even know who she is. Maybe I never knew who she was."

Brian's soft Kentucky accent was soothing as he said, "I know, Bone, I know. Nick had his troubles with B.J. too. It'll pass."

~Now~

But it didn't pass. It only got worse, I thought morbidly.

The four have stopped to let the priest continue the ceremony. And now it will never be remedied. I drop to my knees, not caring that the ground is muddy and soaking into my thin white cotton baggy, but fully lined, pants. Tears threaten to spill over and my heartbeat races as I catch sight of tears making their way down Kevin and Howie's cheeks. Of the four, I knew that those two would be the first to cry. Kneeling, I am nearly fully hidden by an azalea bush in full bloom, its purple flowers mocking my agony. The crowds at the gates are calmer now, a lot of them openly crying...crying for Backstreet. Some supporting others, comforting. But there is no comfort for me. This is all my fault, my guilt.

The bereaving fans come bearing stuffed animals, balloons, flowers and cards. The TV crews are all here, local and national, filming what is a moment in music-dom. I sniffle, a moment is what this is to them, to me, it is omumental.
The priest finishes the service and lets the guys harmonize. After a moment of warming up, they begin an a-cappella rendition of "Don't Wanna Loose You Now", a bit hit on their "Millennium" CD that was released in 1999. I wasn't even
thought of then, but now is a different time. It is also my favorite song.I put my sunglasses, borrowed indefinately from A.J., on as the sun comes out from its hiding place. The guys, in a football-like huddle, are wearing all white, in defiance of mourning's traditional black, and the sun higlights them as if they are on stage. And, for the time beaing, they are. Missing from the group is A.J.'s raspy, oh-so-familliar voice.

"Girl if only I knew what I've done, you know, so why don't you tell me," Nick sings, his voice wavers a little, falters in his sadness. I'm so sorry, I want to shout out, to scream to the heavens, but I hold it all inside.

She has an incredible voice!

I hope she makes it big, Frick.

I gulp and bite at my lower lip. In the crowd, the family crowd, I see people I know, people I love. Leighanne and her two boys, Daniele, Howie's wife and her girl. Kevin's wife Lisa and their son and Nick's wife Amber and their fraternal
twins, a boy and a girl. It was funny in a way, that all of their children are now nearly the same ages as the guys were when they started the Backstreet Boys. Only there are more than five. And I know them.

I see Kevin's son, Alex, looking up where I am, he squints, looking like a duplicate of his dad, right down to his eyebrows, but Alex has intense ice blue eyes. He can't see me though, the sun is too bright. He looks at the coffin being lowered into its grave and I see a tear course down his right cheeck, the sun glinting off it as if it is a diamond. Then it falls to the ground, forgotten.

Then the tears' effects catch to the others. The wives and daughters are openly sobbing, Brian and Nick join in with Kevin and Howie's tears and they fight to keep the harmony strong, the will not loose the melody. I hear Brian singing A.J.'s solo part, "Never thought that I would loose my mind, that I could control this. Never thought that I'd be left behind, that I was stronger than you...."

~That night~

I sat in a chair, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I pondered their words with intense concentration, an intelligence people think I lacked shone in my eyes. Or was it tears that shone?

'It'll pass.'

I snorted, "Yeah right," I looked at the girl in the mirror, looking suddenly vulnerable. "Yeah, right," I whispered. My blue hair, Brian's favorite color, and the silver crescent shape on the left side. I had to go to soo many salons before hitting an upscale, expensive, salon in town, just to find someone who would go through with dying it. I figured it would get A.J.'s goat to come home with such rebelliously colored hair. And I was right. He yelled at me, that wasn't last weeks bright red enough.

My eyes were a deep brown, very long lashed. Kielley, my best friend, was insanely jealouse of them. The lashes gave them a perpetually innocent look that was annoying and amusing at the same time. I found a slew of sunglasses in A.J.'s closet, the very back of them, and constantly borrowed them. He tried to stop me, threatening me with an eviction notice if I didn't stay away from them. I tried time and again to get him to talk about them, but he would only say for me to look in any old teen magazine, whatever those were, or to talk to one of the guys. He eventually gave up, as long as I returned them in pristine condition, eventhough lots of them had small, tiny scratches as if they'd been in someone's pocket.

Been through hell and back, Howie once told me with a secretive smile. I sighed and looked at a framed photo I had of me and A.J. on the dresser. I picked it up and smiled, we looked so happy together, his arm around me, heads
together. I remember that he had said something romantic and I had said to him, Geeze, A.J., don't be so damn sappy all the time! We were both grinning like idiots, matching Tommy Hilfiger, relics of A.J.'s, perched on our heads, the
Florida sun beaming down on us, Nick's boat in the bay behind us. I actually had my natural hair color, a rich mahogany brown, the sun highlighting it golden, complementing A.J.'s bleached blond highlights in an odd way. I sighed again and put it down. Things just weren't the same anymore, not as carefree as they were. I needed a career, but what? The guys thought I would be a great singer, solo or in a group, with a voice unheard of since Mariah Carey left the scene in 2015 to raise her family. I shook my head, my voice was too low, too throaty, to amount to anything like Backstreet is. Those thoughts would have to wait.I got up and dressed in an all white outfit: white baggy AZNY pants, matching tank top with a baggy white, thin jacshirt. White ReNike cross-trainers completed the outfit. After all, white showed off my tan to the hilt. I ran a brush through my silky blue strands, carefull around the crescent, and misted some Redd II, by GA. I was satisfied with my outfit, grinning at my reflection and, dropping the brush on the dresser, picked up my digifone and bank card. Good thing money was obsolete, I'd have no where to put it!

I crossed to the bay window, shoved it open, pushed up the screen and looked out to the tree that would be my escape. Tied to a huge branch that nearly brushed the mansion was a thick rope that had knots in it in increments, I used it infinately when I was younger, but I hadn't used it in a while and was probably not as limber as I once was. Shrugging, I walked back across my room and turned off the light. Stars I glued to the ceiling glowed and the thick white rug deadened the sounds of my walking. I put my hands on the window ledge and looked out. Beyond the tree was the ocean, the breeze blowing off its surface was salty and cool. Below me was an azaelea bush almost ready to bloom, geolights at five feet increments surrounded the base of the mansion, the grass was a rich emerald green and was thirty feet from the tree to the ocean tidal wall. There was about a three foot gap between me and the rope, but I was certian I could make it. I shoved my fone and card tight and climbed up and out. I didn't hear the door open, but the sudden intense light blinded my darkness adjusted eyes as I lept out into space. I fell and heard A.J. screaming, "PIPER!!!! NO!!!" I flailed for the rope, snagged it, but I was falling too fast and it burned out of my hand. I screamed shrilly as I saw the ground rise up to strike me in the face and then there was nothing.

~Now~

Suddenly A.J.'s raspy voice broke in as the guys were about to finished the song. There were murmers and cries as he threaded his way through the family members and made his way to his band-mates. They hugged and nodded as A.J.
stepped up and looked down at the grave. A warm wind blew past him as he took a pair of platinum metallic Tommy Hilfiger sunglasses and put them on. The sun flared intensly and soloed him as he began to sing, just one part of one single, solitary song.

"There's no where to run, I have no place to go."

Another throaty voice joined his, strong in its emotions, "Surrender my heart, body and soul..."

Everyone was shocked and A.J. faltered and continued as the voice from nowhere suddenly took form.

Piper stood dressed in the white outfit he'd last seen her in, dazzling in its purity, her long brown hair loose behind her, haloed by the sun. The two sang their last duet. "How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never
show..."

The song faded and Piper walked to A.J. Grasping his hand, she raised and kissed it. Her brown eyes meeting his, a joyful look on her face, she hugged him, and in a fervent whisper heard by all, "I love you, A.J....Daddy."

A.J. shoved his sunglasses that matched hers on top of his head as she stepped away, blinking back tears, her sunglasses in her right hand. She looked to Alex and smiled softly, then looked behind her. Another figure, tall and slender with short blond hair beckoned to her. "Mother," she whispered, and looked back to A.J.

She grinned cockily at him, waved, and ran to her mother. The two hugged and the sunlight brightened and brightened, forcing the watchers, except A.J., to shield their eyes. When it faded, the two were gone.

A.J. turned to the people behind him, a tear trickled down and he brushed it gently away. The fans started cheering as A.J. rejoined his friends and family."I don't know about you guys," he said loudly, strongly, "But Piper wouldn't want us to be all damn sappy." He grinned wildly, "Let's have a party!"

From high above the cemetary on the grassy hill, watching the limos and fans leaving, Piper grinned and walked with her mother.

¤ THE END¤
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