Falling
Story Index
+++
Cadet Kathryn Janeway barely managed to stifle a shriek of surprise and horror as her foot missed the bottom stair entirely, upsetting her balance and sending her, her six textbooks and fifteen PADD's sprawling across the floor...
...Right at the feet of another cadet.
"Practising for the gymnastics team?" a deep voice asked with amusement, and Kathryn groaned in embarrassment, pushing herself slowly into a sitting position and sincerely hoping that she hadn't twisted her ankle. "Or are you just taking a trip?"
She scowled at him, leaning against the wall for a moment and wishing that she wasn't blushing as badly as she knew she was. "It's not funny," she told him gruffly, crossing her arms across her chest.
The cadet looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh as he crouched down to her level and began collecting up her books and PADD's, all the while attempting a solemn expression.
"Don't bother," she snapped, still smarting from the embarrassment of her fall, "I'll do it myself."
"Too late," the dark haired cadet informed her, flashing a winning smile that revealed two irresistible dimples. Tucking the books under one arm, he stood up and extended his other hand to her. She stared stonily at him for a moment, then grudgingly took his hand and accepted his help in standing up. Wincing slightly as she put her weight on her slightly twisted ankle, she held out her hands in mute appeal for the books.
"I'll carry them for you," he offered.
"Give them here," she demanded icily, her blue eyes as cold as steel.
"No," the cadet refused teasingly, obviously enjoying her discomfort. "Where were you going?"
"Haven't you got something better to do?" she demanded harshly, hands on her hips and giving him a glare that would one day make alien leaders quail. Unfortunately, it wasn't fully developed yet.
"Not really," he grinned, totally oblivious to the 'go away' message emanating from her entire stance was radiating more intensely than a subspace pulsar.
"Fine," she relented angrily. "I'm going to the library. Feel free to carry my book if you think it's necessary!" She stalked off down the corridor without looking back, a heavy black cloud enveloping her.
"Is there something wrong?" the cadet asked her, confused and intrigued at the same time.
"No," she replied shortly.
"What are all these books for?" he asked, trying a different tack.
"Class."
"What's your name?" he tried again, the pleasant expression on his face never once wavering.
"Cadet Janeway! Now will you please SHUT UP!"
The cadet stopped and laughed at her furious expression. It was infectious, and soon a wry smile tugged at the corners of Janeway's mouth. "What's so funny?" she asked, trying to sound indignant and failing miserably.
"You," the cadet smiled. "Anyone would think it was a crime to help someone, the way you were treating me."
"Sorry," she offered sheepishly, shrugging apologetically and resuming her walk towards the Academy library. "I guess I was just a bit embarrassed. I didn't mean to offend you."
"No offence taken," the cadet told her easily. "I've got a very thick skin."
"And an awful sense of humour," Janeway added, remembering his earlier bad puns.
"I've been told it's my best quality," he quipped. "Well, here we are. Academy library." He handed her the books and she went to step inside when he took her by the arm, stopping her, eyes flickering nervously away from her face for a brief instant, he asked, "Ever visit the Night Owl?"
She smiled. "Coffee is to me like antimatter to a warp core," she informed him laughingly.
"Tomorrow night, 1900?"
"Sounds fine to me," Kathryn found herself agreeing.
"Great. See you then, Cadet Janeway."
"It's Kathryn," she told him with a smile.
"Until tomorrow," he repeated, then left.
Kathryn Janeway stood silently, in deep thought, for a few moments before it dawned on her that she had just agreed to go on a date.
And she didn't even know the cadet's name.
+++
"I'm not going!"
Obstinately, Kathryn crossed her arms and lent back in the desk chair, glaring unseeingly out of her dorm window. On the other side of the room her roommate, Lettie Garrett, was pleading and cajoling as only she knew how. Sometimes, Kathryn regretted having to share a room with anyone.
This was one of those times.
"Kathryn, it'll only be an hour or so. Nothing drastic."
"Lettie, I have got to work."
"You're not working," Lettie pointed out bemusedly as she twisted her long dark hair up and off her face with style. "It's not going to be anything serious."
"The thing was, Kathryn did want to go really. Absolutely, desperately, burningly wanted to go. So she wouldn't. Romance was something she tended to avoid - unlike Lettie, who'd had a string of boyfriends that Kathryn had given up counting months ago - because it distracted her. Her studies seemed far more rewarding to her, and a better use of her precious time.
"I've got an essay to do on Vulcan's geothermal resources," she muttered. "I'm going to go down to the library."
"Geothermal resources. On a Saturday night?" Lettie made a face. "Kathryn, you have absolutely, positively got to get out more!" Fixing her hairclip in place, she strode over and stood in front of Kathryn, adopting her best no-messing-with-me stance. "Kathryn Janeway, get out of that uniform now and into something more comfortable and then get over to the Night Owl. Or do I have to make it an order?"
Kathryn tried to scowl, but the effect was spoiled by the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Alright, alright," she said, throwing her hands up in defeat. Lettie smirked, satisfied, as Kathryn went over to find something to change into.
+++
Glancing at a nearby chronometer, Kathryn broke into a light sprint, wishing that she'd stayed in uniform. If nothing else, it was easier to run in. And it functioned as a type of protection, shielding the real Kathryn behind Cadet Janeway, away from criticism and worries. She walked through the doors at 19:10, calm by all outward appearances. At first she couldn't see him. Maybe he hadn't turned up? For some reason, her heart couldn't muster up enough relief over that as her brain thought it should.
Then she saw him. He was sat in a dark corner, in one of the more private booths... whispering playfully into a blonde cadet's ear. As she watched, a wide smile broke out on the girl's face, and the two shared a merry laugh.
Gutted, Kathryn moved out of their line of sight, her own thoughts mocking her. She was never taking Lettie's advice again, that was certain. If she didn't have to share the same room, she would never have spoken to her again, either. Next time, geothermal resources would get first consideration. Pushing the old fashioned swing door open, Kathryn stumbled blindly outside, trying to ignore the faint pricking of tears behind her eyes.
And as the rain started to fall, all she could do was laugh ironically, a short harsh laugh that brought no joy whatsoever.
+++
2371...
+++
Janeway stared at the picture of the Maquis captain that Starfleet Command had sent her after Tuvok's last transmission. Now she was waiting. She was waiting for Tuvok's next scheduled transmission, which was already five hours overdue, and still no sign of when it would come in. Absentmindedly, she took a sip from the coffee cup in her hand, only to discover, to her disgust and surprise, that it was cold.
She drank it anyway.
"Honey? Molly's whining again."
"Let her in here," Janeway called absently, her mind not really worrying about what she was saying. Instead, it seemed to be working on autopilot. A moment later, she heard a padding of soft paws, and Molly came in and lay across her feet. Mark, yawning and heavy-eyed, followed her.
"Kath," he said, leaning across her and switching off the computer monitor, "Don't you think you should get some sleep?"
"I'm alright," she protested. "I'm just worried about Tuvok."
"Sitting here waiting won't make him call faster," Mark pointed out sensibly.
"I know, I know, but I can't help but blame myself for this. I was the one that let him go on this mission."
"Worrying still isn't going to help. Now, get out of that uniform and get some sleep. Please?" he added hesitantly, completely clear as to his ability - or lack thereof - to control Kathryn Janeway.
Wearily she stood up and headed for the bedroom. Then, she stopped. "Mark. Thanks for staying round tonight."
He shrugged it off whilst trying to stifle another yawn. "Don't mention it, Kath. And I'm sure Tuvok will be in contact tomorrow."
"I just hope you're right," Janeway muttered, struggling to keep her eyes open. Something was annoying her, teasing the edge of her mind and memory, but she couldn't think what it was.
+++
"Hail the Maquis," Janeway ordered crisply.
The image of the man that had been bothering Janeway in more ways than one over the past few days appeared in front of her. Behind him, she could see Tuvok, and a weight lifted from her mind, knowing he was safe.
"Commander Chakotay, I'm-"
"-Cadet Janeway."
Janeway stared at him, eyes widening in surprise and eventual recognition, as he continued, "Steered clear of stairs recently?"
"One of our crewmen is missing," she told Chakotay as her crew and mission coming back to her with a start, pretending not to notice the Vulcan behind him. "Was he transported back to your ship by accident?"
Chakotay shook his head slowly. "No. A member of our crew is missing too. B'Elanna Torres, my engineer."
"You and I have the same problem. I think it makes sense to try to solve it together, don't you?"
"As long as you don't snap at me."
"Lower our shields, Rollins," Janeway ordered, her eyes never once leaving the screen and Chakotay's steadfast gaze.
"We'll beam over," Chakotay informed her, then ended the transmission. A moment later, three forms coalesced onto the bridge, each holding a phaser rifle and ready to fire.
"You won't need those here," Janeway said evenly. Though soft, her voice still held the timbre of command, and all three lowered their rifled. Tuvok moved over to Janeway's side as she greeted him.
"I must inform you, sir, that I was assigned to infiltrate your crew," Tuvok stated politely. "I am Captain Janeway's chief of security."
Chakotay's eyes shout daggers and his voice dripped venom. "Were you going to deliver us into their waiting hands, Vulcan?" he asked, uttering the last word as one might a curse.
Tuvok nodded. "My mission was to accumulate information on Maquis activities, and then deliver you into their 'waiting hands'. That is correct."
Chakotay bit back a harsh retort and instead turned to Janeway. "So, we meet again, Cadet."
She eyed him evenly. "I think we can delay the reunion for a while," she commented. "Now, we have a lot to accomplish, and I suggest we concentrate on finding our people and getting ourselves back home."
Tuvok began theorising as to the purpose of the Array, but Kathryn was barely listening. Instead, she was remembering the pain and humiliation she'd suffered that night at the academy.
+++
Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Ayala and Paris materialised in the farmyard simulation they had visited only days ago. This time, though, no crowds of holographic people rushed out to greet them, no dog raced across the lawn, and only the sound of one lone banjo, played discordantly, floated across the still air towards them.
"Tuvok, Ayala, Paris, you try and find Torres and Kim," Janeway decided. "Chakotay and I will try to find out why we were brought here - and how to get back."
Tuvok nodded his agreement and set off, followed by Ayala and Paris, who were casting hostile and wary looks at each other behind Tuvok's back. Janeway sighed inwardly and flipped open her tricorder, hoping to pinpoint the sound of the music. Slowly, she set off in the direction she thought was most likely.
"You never turned up."
Janeway froze inside at the murmured comment, all her personal shields slamming automatically into place. "I was ten minutes late. When I got there, you were sitting in a corner, looking rather cosy with some blonde cadet," she said, barely managing to keep the bitterness out of her voice.
His face fell minutely. "Sveta. We were discussing the survival training she'd been on the week before," he said, a smile creeping onto his face at the memory. "Commander Zakarian took them to a Ferengi rainforest and they found-" he broke off abruptly at the expression on Janeway's face. "Nothing important."
"Why didn't you contact me and try to reschedule?" she asked, gaze fixed firmly on the tricorder.
"I thought you weren't interested," he admitted. "Why didn't you?"
She looked up from the tricorder and sighed. "You never even told me your name," she pointed out icily. "And you and that blonde looked pretty damn close."
He looked at her sympathetically. "It seems that we both had our wires crossed that night," he said softly.
She said nothing. Instead, she stared at the tricorder, not seeing it at all, trying to calm her racing thoughts. Why did she still feel like a dizzy cadet? She was an engaged woman for heaven's sake, not a hormonally unbalanced sixteen year old!
"Kathryn," Chakotay finally continued, placing a hand on her arm and looking at her with sincere, obsidian eyes, "I'd like to give us another try."
This time, Kathryn literally did freeze, her mouth struggling to form words. 'Why now?' she wanted to say. Why when I have other things to think about? Why not then? Why now?
"I-I'm engaged," she finally managed to stutter out.
Chakotay stepped back as if she'd physically slapped him in the face, his hand leaving her arm immediately. "I'm sorry," he mumbled in apology, "I didn't realise..."
They were saved further discussion by an old man's voice complaining, "Why have you come back? You don't have what I need."
+++
No one spoke for what felt to Janeway like several eternities. The full realisation of what she had just done was slowly beginning to sink in and make itself at home in her conscience and heart. The small pieces of debris that had once been the Array spinning on the screen couldn't catch her attention, for all she was staring at them. From the ops console, a beeping sound issued forth, but it barely registered on the edge of her mind.
"The lead ship is hailing us," Kim said at length, drawing himself back to his duty with an effort.
"On screen," she ordered absently, automatically, and she listened in silence to the Kazon Maje's short message.
"They are withdrawing, Captain," Tuvok reported, finally pulling her wandering mind back into her body.
"Chakotay, please join me in my Ready room," she asked faintly. Waiting until he nodded his acquiescence, she headed for there herself, her mind still a confusing maelstrom of thoughts and images.
Dropping gratefully into the chair behind her desk, she indicated that he should sit also. Her eyes connected briefly with those of Mark in the picture on her desk and the weight of command crushed down on her once more. 'My God, what have I done?' she asked herself desperately as she wondered what to say.
"I think we have a problem," she finally stated.
Mirth bubbled in Chakotay's deep eyes and a smile hovered on his lips. "You can say that again, Cadet."
"I'm prepared to allow your crew to stay on Voyager. But you'll have to contribute... they'll have to work," she finished simply. "I'm not just going to take you along as passengers."
Chakotay nodded seriously. "I understand."
"Will they agree?" she asked, worried. "I don't want a mutiny on my hands."
"They'll follow my orders," Chakotay assured her solemnly.
"Which brings me to the next thing I want to discuss..." Janeway began.
"Which is...?"
"I'd like you to be my First Officer," she explained simply. "Would you mind?"
"Isn't Tuvok a more 'logical' choice?" Chakotay asked, barely able to keep his dislike out of his voice.
"Maybe," she allowed, "But showing the crews that we can work together will facilitate their merging. It will show them that we mean to be one crew - a Starfleet crew." She held his gaze firmly, daring him to challenge her.
"I suppose that's acceptable," he stated, matching her intent stare without wavering.
"Then that's settled," she stated, relief permeating her voice as she relaxed slightly. "You're dismissed."
He stood up and turned to go, when she spoke. "Chakotay, I happen to know that there's a simulation of the Night Owl in the databanks."
He turned back, the dazzling smile that she remembered so well lighting up the room.
"Tomorrow night, 1900?" he asked.
"I won't be late," she promised with a smile.
Chakotay returned it and left, thinking that perhaps this trip wouldn't be so bad after all.
END