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Sam, I never could say goodbye properly. So, instead, I'll say, "Hello," and, "How are you?" as if I am really talking to you. I'm always talking to you in my head, but I need to write some of these thoughts down, so that I can begin to move on.
What would be the first thing you'd ask about?
Naomi's doing fine... or, at least, as well as can be expected. I found it hard to look after her to start with, especially with everything we were both going through whilst trying to live with your loss, but Kes helped me. Beneath her youthful exterior lies a motherly soul. She reminds me of you in so many ways... you were always a wonderful mum to Naomi. She still misses you.
As do I.
I wish you could see Naomi now. The past year has seen her change completely from a child into an adolescent, and a beautiful one at that. She has your smile and your eyes, Samantha, and I love her for it. It makes me feel closer to you.
I wish we'd had time enough together to have a child of our own, but shipboard life was always so busy, both before and after the wedding. Even so, if things are important enough, you can always make time for them. Why didn't we?
What else would you want to know?
I've been eating properly, don't worry. B'Elanna's been making sure of it, and probably getting more decent meals than normal herself in the process. Despite our initial... dislike... of each other, we've become firm friends, now more than ever. She's been like a mother hen fussing around me, brushing it off with comments about not being able to work properly with sub-standard officers, but I appreciate her thoughts. Sometimes I wish she'd be a little less intense about it, but I would miss it if it wasn't there. The intensity is part of who she is.
Neelix was most distressed after you left us. He was in denial for weeks and wouldn't see anyone except Naomi and Kes. Finally the Captain managed to talk him out of his survivor guilt and get him to resume his duties as morale officer, but I have never seen him so... isolated from us before. It worried me. He was such a departure from his usual self... But, I felt the same at the time. I didn't want to talk to anybody about what had happened. I didn't want to work. I just wanted to... wanted to see you once more, to hold you once more and tell you how much I loved you. I wouldn't have said goodbye. I never could, and, in a way, I suppose I never have. It comforts me to think of you as still being with me, because I think you would be if you could. I know you'd never leave me.
Let me see... what else would you want to know?
Oh! Tom proposed to B'Elanna, and she said yes. I wish you could have seen B'Elanna's face, it was priceless, Sam, it really was. I have never seen her so... so shocked before. She was at a loss for words, but she finally rallied together enough to say the important word. They've invited Naomi to be their bridesmaid, and she looks so beautiful in her dress that an angel couldn't be prettier. Only you ever looked more wonderful, on the day of our wedding. When you walked into the room... did you ever know how close I came to crying with sheer joy then?
God, I'm crying now... this paper's going to be soaked... It's already blurring the last sentence, dammit!
Sam... I love you.