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Hidden
Sorrow
Once
upon a time there lived a little girl. Her mommy and daddy
were so proud of her. She was the best little girl a parent
could ask for. When she was born, she slept all through the
night, relying only on her little thumb to pacify her if she happened
to wake up. She never went through the "terrible twos"
like so many children did. Mommy or daddy would tell her to do
something, and she would do it without complaining or questioning,
and always with a smile on her face. When she was four, she
started going to pre-school. The teachers all bragged about the
little girl, saying she was the best child they had ever had in their
class. When she started kindergarten, the teacher could just
not believe what a cheerful and good natured little girl she
was. From then, until the fourth grade, all the teachers
remarked what a joy she was to have in class. She was witty and
loved to make people laugh. Then the mommy and daddy decided to
homeschool the little girl. The little girl looked forward to
being homeschooled, because, even though she was the perfect student,
she really didn't care for the way some of the students acted.
She was a Christian girl and knew what they were doing was
wrong. She was also bothered by some of the teacher's
attitudes. The homeschooling went along with no problems.
The little girl loved being home. When she turned eleven, her
little world was turned upside down. Her mommy and daddy, who
had always been so close, started having some
problems. It came very close to the mommy leaving, and the
little girl became very sad about this. Even though her mommy
and daddy told her and her sister that they were working their
problems out, she was still scared that they would break up.
She also became sad because her sister, who was a year older than
her, seemed to be so very popular and outgoing. The sad little
girl was more on the shy side than sister was, and it bothered her
because she also wanted to be popular and didn't feel like she
was. The little girl worried about other things, too. She
worried about money because the mommy had started nursing school and
was no longer working. Money was tight for the family, and she
had figured this out. Her sadness continued. When the
terrorists hit the World Trade Center, it made her think about life
and just how crazy the world was. It made her even sadder to
think that someone could do something like this. There were
other things - her uncle and aunt lost everything they owned in a
house fire. Her cousin, who was her best friend, had let her
down on more than one occasion. Sister kept trying to boss her
around all the time. One of her mom's friends was going through
a tough time and this made her feel bad because there was nothing she
could do to help make mom's friend feel better. Mom and
dad had not been able to spend as much time with her and sister as
they used to because dad was working the graveyard shift and mom was
in school all day or studying when she was home. She missed
this terribly. While trying to deal with all this, she decided
she would be different than her sister (the cutesy, popular one) so
she started dressing in all black. She asked her mom and dad if
she could spike her hair and highlight it blonde, and her mom and dad
said yes because they had seen the sadness in the little girl and
were trying to do anything possible to make her happier. The
mom and dad had seen the sadness getting worse, and the dad said that
maybe she was suffering from clinical depression, just like he
was. They had decided to take her to see her pediatrician the
next week and find out. Unfortunately, before that appointment
could be made, the little girl had decided that she didn't want to
live anymore. She decided she didn't want to stick around and
watch the world deteriorate around her. She was tired of all
the pain and the hurt and the sadness that life had to offer.
If only the mom and dad had recognized the signs. Her mom and
dad had noticed that fateful day that she was more sad than
usual. Her cousin called and wanted her to spend the night, and
mom and dad said yes because they thought if she got out by herself
away from sister for a while that she might feel better. The
little girl was so happy about getting to spend the night, but then
the cousin called back, and said her dad had to work. Mom and
dad suggested that the cousin spend the night at their house since
sister was having a friend sleep over, too. When the cousin got
here, she started to talk to sister and her friend more than she
started talking to the little girl and this hurt her. It just
added to the pain and the feelings she had of people always letting
her down. The little girl went to her mom and dad's bedroom and
lay in the dark listening to the radio. Her dad tried to talk
to her to find out what was wrong. She yelled at him and told
him she just wanted to be alone, and ran upstairs to her own
room. Her dad told her mom to go up and see if she could get
her to talk, so the mom went upstairs. As her mom walked into
the room, she could see that the little girl was sitting behind her
desk on the floor. She called out to the little girl and she
didn't answer. She called her name once again as she was
walking over to the desk. Still no answer. When the mom
reached the desk, she couldn't believe her eyes. The mom gasped
and started crying. The little girl looked at her mom and
started crying as she held out her wrist. There was blood there
and the little girl threw down a piece of glass and grabbed her mom
and cried out, "I NEED HELP!" The mom held her little
girl while she cried deep wracking sobs. The little girl kept
saying, "Mommy, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry." By
this time the daddy had come up the stairs to see what was going
on. The three of them sat on the little girls bed and held each
other and cried. Luckily, the wound on the little girl's wrist
was mainly superficial and she was in no physical danger. This
night was a turning point. Her hidden sorrows all came out at
the hospital where mommy and daddy took her. Her fears, her
hurt and her pain all came flowing out. This sweet little girl
who had tried so hard to keep everyone happy and please everyone had
failed to make the most important person happy - herself. But
she now knew that she did not have to face her fears and sorrows
alone. She knew her mommy and daddy would always be there for
her, and that she was loved more than anything on earth by them.
She felt better that night knowing that she was going to get some
help and have someone to talk to about all the things that had been
bothering her. Is this a true story? Yes, I'm sorry to
say, it is. I'm the mommy, and the little girl is my eleven
year old daughter. Who would ever think that an eleven year old
child would be carrying this type of pain around? If she was an
abused child, maybe it would make more sense, but she's not - she
knows we love her so very much, and we hardly ever had to scold her
for anything because she was the one who was always the
"good" child. The more I've thought about this, the
more I think that that is part of the problem - I think she felt
pressured by the fact that we always felt she was the responsible
child we could count on - the "mature one." I think
she just tried too hard to live up to this image of being perfect for
me and her dad. She never took the time to be a child.
The reason I'm writing about this? I want to make parents aware
that teen depression is a very real problem. Don't let anyone
tell you that "it's just hormones," or that "they all
go through that stage." That's a cop-out. Listen to
your kids. The world is not perfect for them by any means.
Don't wait until it is too late to hear them.
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