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Mom's
Seems appropriate, on a day when I'm talking about stones, to use the magnet that we picked up in Plymouth...showing, of course... Plymouth rock! Food for thought Some days are diamonds - John Denver I am a theatre critic OK...so it's a new "career", but if you're interested in reading my reviews, go here Updated 2/11/01 WHAT I'M READING... Christmas gift from my friend, Diane, who felt it was time I learn more about Australia WHAT I WATCHED... Will and Grace (x2) Frasier (x2) That's it for today!
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DIAMONDS and STONES 20 February 2001 The process of grief is a funny thing. If one has suffered a major loss, I don’t think you ever recover. It is still possible for me to be hit with a wave of grief over Gilbert, who died 15 years ago. Oh, I don’t think about him all the time like I used to. I may go weeks without thinking about him. And most of the time when I do think about him, it’s pretty routine. But every so often, still, something will just hit me wrong (or right, depending on your perspective) and there are those tears stinging in the back of my eyes again. They may never quite make it to the front and spill over, but I can feel them all the same. The more recent losses are still fresh, despite the fact that a "reasonable" amount of time has passed. It’s nearly five years since David died. We’re coming up on Paul’s 2nd anniversary. In an ideal world, the mourning period has passed and it’s time to get on with life. But in reality, there are always little moments which continue to pop up. "Pissy moments," as Peggy calls them. It’s not that you break down like you did at the time, but that greyness enters your soul again, the cold of "loss" creeps back in, and it’s hard to focus on the here and now. When you lose people you love, life is changed forever and the rest of your life is a constant readjustment. Some days are diamond, some days are stone. Today began as a stone. After sitting here for far too long, staring off into space, playing Free Cell, listening to inane TV, I decided that it was time to take control and work my way out of the black mood. I forced myself to take a shower and get dressed, though on this holiday day it would have been very easy to just stay in night clothes all day. But it was a commitment to getting out and doing somerthing. Though it’s a wet day, I decided to take a walk. I do love the rain, and despite the chill in the air, walking in the rain at a time when the blossoms are starting to come out on the trees is really very beautiful. Nothing like communing with nature to restore your spirits. However, that didn’t happen. As I was getting dressed, a knock came on the door. I opened it and there stood a lovely man holding a huge box. While Kimba attacked his ankles (he got licked to death), I signed for the package and then came in and opened...the new laptop computer. This is my birthday present from Walt, to replace the IBM Thinkpad with the short in the motherboard. This time I went with a Toshiba, on Steve’s recommendation. I had found one at MicroWarehouse for $999, which was $899 when you send in the $100 rebate form. This one has a built-in CD ROM drive and a built-in floppy drive. It is thus significantly heavier, at 6 lbs, than my 3-4 lb IBM was, but I've been dealing with an external floppy drive and no CD ROM drive for years now and this is like dying and going to heaven. It also has a 6 gig hard drive so I will probably use it for more than I used the old laptop. By the middle of the afternoon, my spirits had lifted significantly and life didn’t seem quite so bad after all. I was itching to start working on setting up the new machine, but I had this continuing stack of work sitting here and I knew something would have to be produced for pick up tomorrow. So I devoted my energies in the afternoon to work. No futzing around, no web surfing, no television watching, no Free Cell, no staring off into space, just work. I managed to make a dent in the pile. That’s always good for a feeling of accomplishment. That left me with the evening to play with the new computer, getting it set up and all ready to take on my next overnight trip....as well as just play with it. Grief, depression, and other emotions are inevitable as one goes through a life filled with highs and lows. The choice is ours, how we deal with the negative emotions that crowd in upon us. Today may have begun looking like a stone...but, if you work at it--and if lovely men bring you lovely boxes--the stone can actually be an opal.
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Some pictures from this journal |
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Created 2/19/01 by Bev Sykes |
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