Inside Jokes

If you know me, you   know I have FAR   too many inside jokes. Hehehe. Here, I   will   list them, who knows about them (besides me), and how they   can be used in an   innocent-sounding context. However, most of   these are NOT innocent. And due to   popular demand. I will tell   you what they mean, as well.

Mustang

Do  you drive a Mustang?    Loki, Shannon, Nicole, and Tay, I   think.

Pretty much just askin'   if you're male. *coughcough*

"He has hair!"

Not really   usable   in a sentence... just by itself when recalling stupid things   people   said.    Just me &  Shannon! *exil grin*            Okay,   this one's got a   story behind it. Shannon and I were looking through some old     yearbooks of ours. The yearbook of importance in this story is her   8th   grade yearbook. Now this yearbook was from Anacapa Middle School. I didn't go   to Anacapa, I was trapped at an idiotic religious private   school for nine   years, Kindergarten through 8th grade, and only   got to go to   public school in 9th grade. Culture shock! But   anyways, back to   the story. I thought I might see some old   pictures of people I knew in that   particular yearbook - afterall, not everyone was cloistered in a   private   school. So I was flipping through, going backwards, and   I'd gotten to the 'S'   section of 6th grade. And all of a sudden,   Shannon points to a   particular picture and shouts, "He has   hair!" *facepalms* I took a look   at   the picture she was pointing at, and lo and behold!, it was Loki.   In 6th   grade. Her comment was prompted by his lack of bleached   spiked hair - at the   time the picture was taken, his hair was its   natural brown... but I still don't   know why she chose that   combination of words, "He has hair!"... and for that     matter, neither does she.

Loki in 6th grade... how   cute! He doesn't look like this anymore.

Camaro

"Do   you drive a Camaro?"       Shannon, Loki, and Tay again... I   think.    Opposite of a Mustang.

Exil

"I'm not just plain evil... I'm EXIL!!!"    And it's true, too. I am. So's Shannon, who is the   only other person to   know how this one came about.    It means "beyond evil" - and usually only applied to Shannon and   me.

Hockey stick

"How do you grip your hockey stick?"    Me, Shannon, Loki, Nicole... that's about   it, I think.    Much the same as Mustang... *innocent smile*

?I want a duck!?

"Hey Mr. Roto-Rooter Man! I WANT A DUCK!"

Shannon, her mom, and me... I think that?s it, really... But it's funny   and I'm not explaining this one.

Funny Jokes

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Winston  Churchill was talking one day to Lady Astor. She said, ":Sir, if you were   my husband, I'd poison you." He just replied, "Madam, if you were   my wife, I'd drink it."

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.   "So, how is everything going? inquired God.

It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sun   rises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is   wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these three breasts that you   have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly   knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on   bushes, they are a real pain." reported Eve.

"That is a fair point," replied God. "But it was my   first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured   that you needed half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up   right away." And God reaches down, removes the middle breast and tosses   it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed, and God once again visits Eve in the garden.   "Well Eve, how is my favorite creation?"" Just fantastic,"   she replied, ";but for one oversight on your part. You see, all the   animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull, all the  animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right,   how could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately   create a man from a part of you. Now lets see... where did I put that useless   boob?"

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"A couple of hanging glands have nothing to do with  making someone a man."

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Men are like lava lamps -  fun to look at, but not that bright.

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