Sat, Dec 16, 2000
10:52 am PST
mood:
yum: Oatmeal
song: Ms. Jackson by Outkast
words: "This is my coming out party"
movie list:
the list:
- Sound Factory
- Pier 39
- Golden Gate bridge
- Noraebang
- Golden Gate Park
- Sausalito
- Roy's
- Pac Bell Park
- Kirala
Cheesecake Factory 12/8- Lombard St.
- Alcatraz
- Cable Car Ride
- Ride the MUNI
- Ghiradelli Square
- Tahoe
- Go to San Jose (why? i have no idea)
look:
8.97 - One of my bestest friends, Rosa bhurd
8.99
|
Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to believe that parts of my life will always remain the same,
I still manage to get scared and saddened by what I see.
Last night was Rose'e housewarming party. Despite my fatigue and anti-social tendencies, I forced
myself to go. I sort of felt obligated seeing as how I've renegged on quite a few past engagements. Besides,
I recall her saying "Oh maria, you missed our other housewarming party. It was so fun and I got sooo drunk.
You have to come to our next one." So I mean, how could I not go?
I forced Tammy [who will henceforth be referred to as "the good roommate," as opposed to Anna = "the
evil roommate"], and Lester to come with me...they made me go with them to Chevy's in return. They fully
gorged themselves on food and commented on how sick they felt for the next few hours. heehee. Serves them
right. But mmm...the chips were delish! =P
You have to understand. The reason why I so desperately needed Lester and/or Tammy to accompany me
was because I know how Rose is in social environments. She invites me, but then really only pays me attention
when she first sees me and when she sees me off. Yes, this is what I've learned over the last 4 months.
Actually, I learned it in the first 3 weeks I was here. Not that I expect constant attention, but a little
more from someone I once considered a best friend would be nice.
The party was full of people I knew but didn't really know - i.e. her friends from college. I've come
to know who and what they are, and they know me, its just well...I don't fit in with their little group. They're really
nice and all, but they're just not the kind of people that I would hang with at this point in my life.
I did know a few people from hs there though. There was D and Joy, who I haven't seen in a few years. I'm
surprised how much D has grown and matured. I suppose that's what the army will do to you, but dang! He worked at
Oracle and just quit to take a job back home. I'm all jealous. He hit it right on the money when he said "I was
surprised to see that the people in hs who I thought would rise aren't, and all the people who I thought would fail
are succeeding." I tend to see myself in the former category..but oh well. D was very nice to talk with, contrary
to how I remember him in hs. Its a good thing =) Joy, well, it was nice seeing her too. She was in our little clique
in hs and she was Rose's best friend. She's still in school and unfortunately still with a mall job. She seems to
dislike the path of her life at the moment, but I suppose that's what happens when certain things in your life can't be
helped. I know she'll do well though. She's just a bit more ghetto since I last saw her though. It doesn't seem
like she's matured at all since hs. I dunno. I don't want to rag on her so I'll just stop here. It was really nice
catching up and seeing her again though.
So Rose was all over this guy Gerardo. She had explained to me last week that he's the guy from work that she's
sorta been hooking up with [while still having her bf back home mind you]. It was a bit disconcerting. There was
a lot of socializing going on with Rose and her little crew in the kitchen. Lots of group kissing under the mistle toe
and lots of drinking. I didn't even know Rose was drinking that much until I saw how drunk she was. [I, on the other hand,
didn't drink one drop as I had a throbbing headache and had just taken tylenol. Oh well...nothing lost nothing gained.] I
was glad the good roommate and Lester were with me, even if they didn't seem like they were having fun. Sorry guys! Next
time maybe you shouldn't eat so much too! heh.
After Rose locking herself in her room with Gerardo, then seeing him off and coming back shouting "errr! I'm so
fucking mad! I'm so sexually frustrated!" I felt it was time to leave. On the way out I asked Rose if she was okay
and if she knew what she was doing [because of her bf back home] and this is how the conversation ensued:
Rose: ...I returned George's clothes (xmas gift)
Me: Why?
R: I told you we broke up right?
M: Ummm no. When?
R: Yeah, on Monday. That's why I was all over that dood. This is like my 'coming out party'.
I probably shouldn't be so hurt that she tells me important life altering events in passing. Afterall, my dad does
it to me all the time. But still...it stings. Up until recently I had still seen her as my best friend, even if she
stopping seeing me as her's. I now feel like I'm slowly slipping away, wanting to evaporate from her life
even though everything in me wants to fight so hard to stay. *sigh* It still hurts how she trivializes some
things regarding me. But I suppose this is something that was bound to happen...something I must learn
to live with. I can only be so much of a friend. I don't ask for much...just a little attention here and there,
but if you're too involved in your own life to notice, then maybe it isn't worth fighting afterall. I just
wish somethings in my life could be constant forever.
love,
maria
|
)
