Tue, Nov 14, 2000
10:33 pm PST
mood:
yum: Mochi...and I made it too!
song: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You by Glenn Medeiros
words: "I'm not bitter...really."
movie list: (I'm beginning to think I'm never going to see any of these)
- Bounce
- The Legend of Bagger Vance
Remember the Titans 10/7- Pay It Forward
Meet the Parents 11/11- Unbreakable
- Little Nicky
- Men of Honor
- What Women Want
- The Family Man
- Titan A.E.-Its coming out on video on 11/10! YAY!!
the list:
1015 8/25- Sound Factory
- Pier 39
Union Square 8/22- Golden Gate bridge
- Noraebang
- Golden Gate Park
Punahele Grill 9/22- Sausalito
- Roy's
- Pac Bell Park
- Kirala
Koko House 9/1Avaron 10/27Gilroy 9/23- Go to San Jose (why? i have no idea)
Krispy Kreme 10/7
look:
*bbobbo*
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I don't claim to be an expert in Love. In fact, I admit that I probably know less about the subject
than the average 7th grader. What I can tell you though, is based on my own opinions and experiences.
I'm sitting here listening to "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" and I can't help thinking what
a crock that is. Sure, it may be true for the select and priviledged few, but you just have to look at
this thing logically: people are bound to change and so their love would probably change right along with it.
On the way home from BART today I was thinking about my whole situation with Grant. It irritates me
whenever I hear him say stuff like "I don't want to inconvenience you" or "Oh, you must be busy. I won't
bother you." It just shows how weak he is acting. I want him to be assertive and dominating.
It made me think back to ex#1 and ex#2.
Ex#1 was so pussy whipped. Actually, no. It was worse than that. Boyet had no opinion of his own
and nothing of substance to contribute to our relationship. Nothing irks more than always hearing "I dunno,
you decide." I so did not like being the one in control and once it got to the point where my love was
apparently worth more than his, I had nothing else to do but leave. (Thank goodness for Korea hehe) I
had grown more independent and when he couldn't keep up, my love ceased to exist. That's just how it goes
sometimes I guess.
Ex#2 was the exact opposite. He was so confident, so in control. In a sense he had what I lacked.
It was good for the first month or two. But as with all long distance relationships, the distance gets
the better of you. Paul changed and I stayed the same. This time it was my turn to feel inferior and weak.
To me, his love became more important than mine and the imbalance finally toppled everything. We're still friends
today and I'm so amazed at how much he's changed over just the last year. Nothing can prepare you for how
your loved ones change. Sometimes its for the better and sometimes its not. And when its not, sometimes
the love that existed before just disappears.
Now...now I'm slowly trying to ease Grant into this perfect (or well, not so perfect) mold I see for the both of us. I can't
guarantee that we'll fit into it, but I can at least try. No, I'm not trying to change him...I just want
him to know how I feel about unbalanced things not quite working out. I'm not sure if he's gotten my
point yet, but there's still plenty of time...I hope.
But you know...I can feel myself changing, and sometimes I think my love is changing too. Everyone
changes. I'm sure Grant is slowly changing too. Its just...well, you can't expect your love to exist perfectly
as it has for months or years past. Your love will inevitably evolve with both your personalities. It may
either remain compatible or it will evolve to become nonexistent. You can't force it no matter how much you may want to try. Trust me.
You can only hope that as you and your love changes, that it is compatible with the situation you're in and
with the person that you "love."
That's all anyone can really hope for. And if you're one of the lucky ones that has a love that
never changes, then by all means..just keep that love flowin. More power to you. =)
<3 always,
marDdar
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