Thur, Nov 16, 2000
8:44 pm PST
mood:
yum: Ramyun and eggs
song: www.sarang.com by Im Chang Jung
words: "What kind of underwear were you wearing that night?"
movie list: (I'm beginning to think I'm never going to see any of these)
- Bounce
- The Legend of Bagger Vance
Remember the Titans 10/7- Pay It Forward
Meet the Parents 11/11- Unbreakable
- Little Nicky
- Men of Honor
- What Women Want
- The Family Man
- Titan A.E.-Its coming out on video on 11/10! YAY!!
the list:
1015 8/25- Sound Factory
- Pier 39
Union Square 8/22- Golden Gate bridge
- Noraebang
- Golden Gate Park
Punahele Grill 9/22- Sausalito
- Roy's
- Pac Bell Park
- Kirala
Koko House 9/1Avaron 10/27Gilroy 9/23- Go to San Jose (why? i have no idea)
Krispy Kreme 10/7
look:
Me and Paul
Heh...this accurately describes how I feel about much of the past year. ;P
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Ah crap! I just found a little cut in my mouth. Just watch...its gonna become a cold sore and I'm
gonna suffer. All I gotta say is that it better be gone by the time I go home cuz I have to kiss my sweetie.
heehee
Today at work, before I had all this shit dumped on me, I started looking through some of my old
journal entries. I've also spent the last hour or so doing the same thing. Its funny to look back
one
year to see how I was doing. Man, I was pretty fucked up in the head back then. I guess being
unemployed and not having very many rl friends near by can do that to you. I was so emotional practically
my whole senior year that I'm surprised I even managed to hold it together to graduate. hehe.
Or how about exactly two
years ago. That doesn't tell much. I was still with
Boyet back then. ugh. I was supposedly happy
so maybe it counted for something. who knows. ;P
The things that really grab my attention though are my entries from
earlier
this year. I can't believe how quickly we're approaching the end of the year 2000. I seems as though
all the Y2K hype was just last month or something. *sigh* I thought I was so happy in the beginning. And
then I dug a hole for myself and didn't start getting out of it until around July. Yep. So goes my life.
But I'm happy to report that now I am honestly happy. Happy with myself (aside from the extra pounds I've
gained over the last few months), happy with my friends, happy with this new life that I'm carving for
myself here. I think
Grant is a part of it, but its also my newly found freedom. I'm finally able to discover
who I really am and I'm able to see what I'm really capable of. Living in the suppressive confines of home
with my parents is probably one big reason why I was so unhappy. Its not that I don't love my parents, I
just don't like how they treat me sometimes.
I found that I bitched a lot about my home life a year ago. I was also stressing over the massive amounts
of work that school was giving me. Ugh. And to think...I want to go back to that. haha. How funny. I did
have a few things that made me at least a little happy.
Paul was
around for a while. I also had Won and the
KSA. Oh, and I also graduated. hehe. Not everything was as bleak as I sometimes like to think
But this past year has definitely stuck in my mind. It started off soooo perfectly, celebrating the new
millenium at the Embarcadero with the one person I loved. By March that perfect world had eroded into my
own personal hell. If you notice, my journal entries increased with each month. That was mainly due to
this void that was left in my life. I needed an escape, somewhere that I could just release all this pent
up emotion. Of course I couldn't always say what I wanted, but it was enough to keep me from going insane.
This journal became like a best friend. It has always been here and its seen me through both good and bad
times. I'm glad MC
found me and got me involved in the whole TAJ
thing. It has nurtured both my mind and
spirit. As cheezy and ludicrious as that sounds, I honestly believe its true. Perhaps without my journal
and taj...people who seemed like I could relate to...maybe I wouldn't be here today.
Yes yes, I value many trivial things in my life but this isn't one of them because no matter what anyone
thinks, my journal will never be considered trivial in the least. My journiary is my heart, mind, and soul...
so please, tread lightly.
<3 always,
mar
ahh...new years
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Me and my two Bostonian cousins. They are crazy..but cute no?
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