Part 1
"Thank you, Robert." he said with a pleasant smile. He walked up to the front door then headed inside. He knew Robert would unload his bags so he headed up to the penthouse apartment. The elevator chimed every floor that it passed and finally it stopped at the top floor. 'Thank goodness!' Billy thought. He slowly stepped off with uncertainty and glanced around at his surroundings. He could tell that his mother had a hand in the decorating, just like she had a hand in every other part of his life. She was part of the reason he and Mac were no longer together, and for that he would never forgive her. They may have fixed most of their problems, but that part of his life would always be between them and they both knew it. Just then the elevator chimed and Robert stepped off with his bags.
"Here you are sir. Everything else should have been delivered and unpacked this morning."
"Thank you Robert," Billy repeated. "Have a safe trip home." Robert nodded and stepped back into the elevator. Billy sighed deeply as he walked over and gazed out the window. He was trying to keep his thoughts from her, but it was no use. Whenever he was alone and things were quiet, his mind traveled back to her no matter how hard he fought it. He'd learned long ago just to let the memories come. Where was she? Was she near by or half way across the county, or even the world? The last time he'd seen her was just after high school graduation. They'd had a horrible fight and said hearbreaking things to each other. Most of which Billy wished he could now take back. He shook his head, trying to erase her from his mind and walked over to his suitcase. 'I really should unpack', he thought to himself. But instead he grabbed his jacket and stepped back into the elevator.
When he reached the lobby, he wandered out into the street and just walked. He watched the people that walked by, half hoping that one of them would be Mac. But what were the chances of her being in the same city, zero to none? He gazed at the buildings that were all the same, but then he reached one that stood out like a sore thumb! The sign read Crimson Lights! That little coffee shop may not mean much to other people but it meant a h*** of alot to him. It brought back so many memories, some good and some bad. And before he realized what he was doing he walked slowly inside. He found a table and then glanced around, it looked much like the one back home.
"What can I get for you?" A young waitress suddenly asked.
"Ah coffee, black please." he replied without looking up.
"Coming right up!" she remarked happily. He heard her walk away and then he turned to look around again. As he glanced at the jukebox, a tidal wave of memories washed over him. He saw Mac standing there picking a song and then turning around and smiling at him. And then as he glanced at the table next to him he saw her sitting there with a younger version of himself. They were holding hands and laughing at something she had just said. Her eyes twinkled just like he remembered and her smile was as bright as it had always been. Then as he looked at the front counter he saw her taking an order. She turned around and stared straight at him, and then she waved. But when he looked acrossed the table from him he saw....Brittany smiling back at him. Then he heard the sound of something being dropped and when he glanced over his shoulder, he saw Mac standing there with a tray at her feet. The look of pure horror and sadness on her face pulled at his heart, and he knew he'd never forget that look in her eyes as long as he lived. Suddenly the haunting images faded away and he could hear someone calling him.
"Sir, sir!" they called.
"Huh? Oh, sorry." he remarked.
"Here's your coffee." the waitress said, as she sat down the full coffee cup in front of him. Then she turned and walked away. He picked up the cup and brought it to his lips, savoring the rich aroma and the thick hard taste on his tongue. As Billy stared off into space, Mac's haunting brown eyes flashed before him. They stared at him intensely and then disappeared. He shook his head lightly and stared down into his coffee. No matter what he did she always seemed to be with him. She was always in the back of his mind, and the slightest thing could bring her back. She haunted him constantly and he knew why. When she'd left for college after graduation, she'd swore her hatred for him. She had told him that she never wanted to see him again and he hadn't seen her since that warm summer afternoon. He wasn't even sure where she was or how she was doing. He had always meant to make things right after that afternoon, but he'd never gotten the chance. And to make matters worse he'd never got to tell her the truth that was revealed after she had left. Several days after his graduation, he'd found out his entire relationship with Brittany had been based on a lie. During a huge fight over Mac, Brittany had revealed that they'd never slept together that night at the pool house. She had gloated over the fact that she had ruined their, "secret romance" and now that Mac was gone, she no longer wanted him. And since that day he'd never spoken to her again. He'd tried to convince Mrs. C to let him contact Mac, but she'd refused, so Mac had never learned the truth. She's had to live with that lie without knowing it wasn't true.
Suddenly the waitress was standing next to him breaking into his thoughts.
"Can I get you anything else?" she asked.
"Ah yes, the check please." he answered.
"Sure, here you go." she smiled. Billy dug out several dollar bills from his wallet and tossed them on the table. Then he stood glancing around again. All of the memories flashed before his eyes again and he saw Mac in every corner. He shook his head....trying to forget and then slowly walked to the door.When he reached it, he looked back once more and smiled. Mac would always be here no matter what. He ran his fingers through his hair and then he disappeared out the door.
Just then a young woman with long straight brown hair and deep brown eyes walked through the back patio doors and over to the counter.
"Hello Miss Browning!" the waitress greeted her.
"Lilly," Mac sighed. "I told you to call me Mac, I may be your boss, but I am also your friend!"
Lilly smiled and then walked over to take an order. "How are we doing today?" Mac asked Kevin, a waiter.
"Business is excellent today," Kevin replied. "The Newman's were smart to assign you to manage their New York division of Crimson Lights."
"Thanks," Mac smiled. "I'm going to head into the office and finish some paperwork."
"Okay." Kevin replied. Mac smiled and then disappeared into the back to finish her work.
Mac walked into her back office and sat down at the oak desk. As she looked down at it, she wondered if she'd ever see it's surface again. It was covered with receipts, resumes, graphs, and order forms.
"Where to start?" she asked aloud. She let out a sigh and then picked up some projections for next month. As she stared at the paperwork, her head spun and her stomach did a flip-flop. 'What the heck?' she wondered. 'That was a weird feeling!' It was almost as if something was different, something was about to change and she knew it! But what could it be? The last time she had an experience like that was when she was around....Billy Abbott, the lost love of her life! But that was crazy, because she hadn't seen him in almost seven years! How time flies, it seemed like only yesterday when they were so happy and in love. But that had all changed because of the vindictive and spiteful Brittany Hodges. The girl who got everything she wanted no matter what the cost was! Mac shook her head trying to erase the memories she hadn't thought about in years. They were all too painful and she'd rather like to forget them, every last one of them. But it was no use! Billy had been with her since she'd left Genoa City all those years ago. He haunted her every day and night and she couldn't shake him. But why would she want to? He was the only guy she had ever loved and she knew it. After graduation they'd had a terrible fight and she had told him she never wanted to see him again, but that wasn't the case. When she had fled, she had hoped he come after her, but he just let her leave, proving she meant nothing to him. He had Brittany why would he want her? So she had left and never looked back. She attended college up north and then worked at several Crimson Lights locations for the Newman's. And then about a month ago, Nick and Sharon had offered her the position of a lifetime. They wanted her to move to New York and head up to the locations there. She had gratefully accepted and moved here as soon as possible. Now she was happy and trying to move on with her life with little luck. Just then the phone rang, shaking her from her distance thoughts.
"Hello?" she answered when she picked up the receiver.
"Mac." Nick replied.
"Hello Mr. Newman," she greeted. "How are things back home?"
"Fine Mac," he replied. "I was just calling to see how things were going up there."
"Oh everything is fine and running smoothly." she remarked.
"That's great to hear." he smiled.
"I'm sure it is." Mac grinned.
"I knew Sharon and I made the right choice with you." he responded.
"New York's Crimson Lights is in very capable hands." Mac reassured him.
"I know it Mac," he replied. "But you'll let me know if you need anything."
"Absolutely." Mac answered.
"Good," he replied. "Now Sharon and I are bringing the kids up next weekend for a small vacation, so we'll be stopping by."
"We'll be expecting you then!" Mac replied.
"Okay well take care then and don't be afraid to call." he remarked.
"Bye, Mr. Newman." Mac said before she hung up the phone. She stared at the receiver wondering if she should call home, but decided to call that evening when she got back to her apartment. Instead she settled in with a sigh for a long afternoon of work.
The next morning Billy grabbed his briefcase and headed toward the elevator. He rode down to the lobby and then walked out to the street where his brand new Jeep Cherokee was waiting. 'One of the perks of the business', he thought with a smile as he climbed in. He made the short drive to Jabot and then headed up to his office. He greeted his secretary and then closed the door behind him and went to examine his new office. He walked over to the window and stared out at the city that layed in front of him. 'Gorgeous', he thought with a smile. He stared at his spotless cherry oak desk and wondered if this would be the only time he'd see the surface. He sat down in his black leather chair and leaned back, placing his arms behind him. He let out a sigh and just relaxed, wondering what the day would bring. Just then his secretary beeped in.
"Yes Greta." he answered.
"Your brother Jack is on the phone sir." she informed him.
"Thanks Greta," he smiled and then he picked up the phone. "Hey Jacky." he greeted him.
"Hey there little brother," Jack smiled. "How's the Big Apple?"
"Great." Billy replied as he looked out the window again.
"You home sick yet?" Jack laughed.
"Me? Never!" Billy grinned. "But it's good to hear a familiar voice."
"I am sure it is," Jack remarked. "So how's the new apartment? Did your mother go overboard?"
"Almost," Billy replied. "But it's got a great view and so does this office!"
"Well you're in charge now little brother and you have to live and work in style!" Jack teased.
"If you say so," Billy laughed. "So how is everyone?"
"Ash already misses you and so does dad." Jack answered.
"That's comforting to hear," Billy replied as he opened his briefcase. "What about you?"
"Are you kidding?" Jack asked. "I've been trying to get rid of you for years!"
"Very funny." Billy replied sarcastically pulling out some papers.
"I've got a surprise for you," Jack remarked. "Though it's not one you'll like."
"What is it?" Billy asked couriously, stopping to give Jack his full attention.
"You'll never believe who your mother hired to be the new Jabot model and spokesperson." Jack replied.
"You're right I don't have a clue." Billy responded.
"Are you ready for this?" Jack asked. "Miss Brittany Hodges!"
"You're kidding." Billy frowned.
"Not in the least." Jack answered somberly.
"How did she get away with that?" Billy questioned.
"You mean Brittany or your mother?" Jack asked.
"Both." Billy replied turning on the speakerphone.
"Well Brittany's got the experience you know that."
"Yeah I hear she's some world famous model." Billy smirked.
"You got that right!" Jack laughed. "So she's qualified and we were in a pinch."
"What about mom?" Billy asked as he walked around the desk.
"Well you know her feelings toward Brittany, she's always adored that girl. Lord only knows why!" Jack explained. "So she hired her on the spot when she walked in for an interview."
"Knowing how I feel?" Billy asked.
"I guess so," Jack remarked. "She must figure you don't have any say since you're not here."
"Well, we'll see about that!" Billy replied angrily.
"Hey now little brother, settle down!" Jack warned. "You know that what your mother wants, your mother gets!"
"She had just better not come up here!" Billy snapped.
"I'll make sure they both stay clear of you," Jack said with a smile. "Well I think I've taken up enough of your time, it's time to get some work done!"
"Give everyone my love." Billy said as he felt his temper disappear. "And Jack...."
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Thanks for calling." Billy replied.
"It was nothing," Jack reassured him. "Bye!"
"Bye." Billy said and then he pushed the end button. He sat there for a moment thinking about what Jack had said. He had no intention of allowing Brittany back into his life and as far as he was concerned, she could stay where she was. He walked around his desk again and sat down in front of the computer. 'Time to get to work!' he sighed before picking up some paperwork that Greta had just dropped onto his desk. 'It's going to be a long day!'
That afternoon Mac walked out of her office and up to the front counter.
"I'm going to run over to the bank and make a desposit." she informed Kevin.
"Okay, see ya when you get back." he replied. "I'll hold down the fort boss!" He gave her a stern salute and then walked off to check a customer. Mac laughed and then walked out the front door to her car.
Billy left Jabot that same afternoon and headed towards Crimson Lights for lunch. He wasn't quite sure why he felt the need to eat there, but something was drawing him there. It was like there was some reason he had to go! He parked his jeep in the parking lot and then got out and headed inside. When he opened the door, he was hit with a blast of noise and conversation. He walked inside and took a seat at one of the tables.
"Can I get you something?" Kevin asked him.
"Yeah, I'll take some coffee." Billy replied with a smile.
"Coming right up." Kevin exclaimed. Billy stared at the people around him and wondered if he'd ever get to know any of them. He saw a young woman smiling at him and he waved slightly, flashing his heart-melting smile. She waved back and then glanced away as the waiter brought him his coffee. Billy looked down into the dark liquid and his thoughts traveled to the figures he'd been going over at the office. Profits weren't where they should be and he was worried. If things didn't rise soon, he'd be in trouble. But wasn't that why he'd been given that job, his family wanted him to prove himself. He could do it and he had several ideas on how to get things done. Just then Billy caught sight of a young woman out of the corner of his eye. Her graceful movements caught his eye, but he didn't look up as she passed by his table.
"Hi Kevin." Mac greeted with a smile as she walked into the back store room.
"Back already?" he asked as he picked up a box of coffee.
"The bank wasn't very busy," she replied. "In and out in fifteen minutes!"
"Great!" he smiled.
"I'll be in the office if you need me." she remarked.
"Okay." he replied as he walked back into the main room. He walked over to Billy's table and asked, "Can I get you something else?"
"Ah, no thanks." Billy replied. "Just the check."
"Here you go," Kevin smiled. "Enjoy your day!"
"Thanks." Billy grinned as he laid some bills on the table. He then stood and walked to the door, disappearing outside. Kevin walked over to the counter just as Mac came out of the office.
"Did I leave the receipts out here?" she asked.
"Ah....over there." Kevin pointed. Just then Billy walked back inside in search of his keys that he'd left on the table. He grabbed them and then as he turned around to leave again, he noticed the young woman who had walked by him earlier and to his surprise she looked exactly like....Mac! Billy's jaw dropped to the floor, as did his keys. They made a loud jingle, which caused Mac to glance his direction. She looked at him for a brief second and when she'd put two and two together, she dropped the papers that were in her hands.
"Billy!" she gasped.
"What are you doing here, Mac?" he asked with shock in his voice.
"I should ask you the same thing," she replied. "But I manage this Crimson Lights for the Newman's!"
"And I'm running the New York division of Jabot." he answered. "This is such a......."
"Shock!" she finished for him.
"Yeah, I guess." he replied as he stepped towards her. "How long have you been in New York?"
"About two months." she replied as she bent down to pick up her papers.
"Here let me help you." he offered as he stooped next to her.
"How long have you been here?" she questioned, standing up.
"I arrived yesterday." he answered, still trying to compose himself.
"I don't know what to say." Mac stammered. "I never expected to see you again!"
"Me either," he agreed. "But I'm glad we saw one another!" Suddenly Mac's eyes glazed over and her shocked expression changed.
"I have to be getting back to work." she remarked.
"Wait Mac!" Billy called after her as he followed her into her office.
"You can't be back here," she informed. "Please leave!"
"What's going on Mac?" he asked. "I got the impression a minute ago that you were happy to see me, but now I'm not to sure!"
"I just remember a few things, that's all." she replied.
"Like what?" he questioned.
"Like the fact that everytime I'm around you, you hurt me in some way!" she snapped.
"Mac are you still...." he started.
"Angry at you?" she cut in. "What do you think?"
"I guess you are, but I don't see why." he replied. "That was years ago!"
"It still hurts Billy!" she snapped as she picked up her keys. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few errands to run!" Mac rushed past him and was outside before he caught up to her.
"Wait Mac!" he called.
"Billy just go away!" she replied as she climbed into her car.
"No Mac!" he called. He looked around and spotted his own car. 'Follow her', his heart told him. 'Don't let her get away again!' Billy jumped into his jeep and pulled out of the parking space. But as he sped out of the parking lot, he didn't see the semi-truck approaching the entrance to deliver supplies. He squealed forwards and by the time he saw the truck, it was too late! He heard the loud crunch and then everything went black!
"BILLY!" she cried falling on her knees. "What have I done? Oh God, what have I done!" Tears ran down Mac's face as she held her head in her hands. Tears raked her body and her screams could be heard down the street. Mac tried to compose herself and look into the driver's side window. But what she saw horrified her. Blood seemed to cover his face and from what she could tell he wasn't moving or breathing. "Billy!" she screamed, "Please don't leave me....Please don't!" She gazed around the crowd, and they only stared back at her not doing anything to help. "Please help me!" she cried. "Help him!" In the distance she heard the sirens and she knew things were going to be okay, she just prayed that things were going to turn out okay. The ambulance and police arrived and they pushed back the crowd with barriers.
"Someone get her out of here!" someone called. Suddenly Mac felt strong arms pulling her up and away from Billy's jeep.
"No!" she screamed. "Billy....I have to be with him." She struggled to pull away but it was no use, she had no strength left. "He needs me." she sobbed. Just then Kevin ran out of Crimson Lights and over to her.
"Mac what happened?" he asked crouching down next to her. He took her into his arms and held her close, stroking her back. "Do you know the person in the jeep?" he asked.
"He's my... my...." she sobbed.
"Your what?" he asked holding her away from him. "Mac.....pull yourself together and tell me who this guy is!" He shook her gently and then pulled her to stand up.
"Billy Abbott." she sobbed.
"Billy Abbott?" Kevin gasped. "Of the Jabot Abbott's?" Max shook her head yes and turned to look at the jeep. At that point they were pulling Billy from the vehicle and laying him on a stretcher. The paramedics were preforming CPR and screaming for him to hold on.
Then one of them looked over at her and called, "Does that young woman know this young man?"
"I think so." Kevin called back.
"Then she needs to come with us." the paramedic replied, waving her over after they had loaded Billy into the ambulance.
"Mac, they want you to go." Kevin informed her. She looked over at the ambulance and then hurried to it, climbing inside. They shut the doors and sped away sirens blaring. They continued to try to revive Billy as Mac sat holding his hand tightly. They pulled into the emergency entrance and pushed on the amblance doors
"1...2....3" the paramedics called as they lifted him out. They wheeled him into the hospital with Mac following quickly behind.
"What happened here?" the doctor asked.
"Car accident." the paramedic replied, while the others continued to try to revive him.
"Okay, wheel him in." the doctor instructed, as he checked his chart. Mac started to follow, but a nurse held her back.
"I'm sorry ma'am, you'll have to wait in the waiting room."
"But....." Mac started to say.
"I'm sorry." the nurse repeated. She watched Billy disappear and then slowly walked into the waiting room. 'What have I done?' she thought. 'This is all my fault!' She sat down in a plastic chair and stared at the other people in the room. Some looked as though they'd been there for hours, if not days. And she wondered if that would soon be her. 'The Abbotts', she thought suddenly. 'I have to call them they need to know!' She stood up and quickly walked across the room to the payphone. She picked up the receiver and carefully dialed the number, wondering what she would say to them.
Several hours later the Abbotts walked into the emergency room and spotted Mac across the room. They hurried over to her and the look on her face made their hearts drop.
"How is he?" John asked worriedly.
"I...don't know," she stammered. "They haven't spoken to me yet."
"Oh G**!" Ashley whispered with devastation in her voice.
"Why are things taking so long?" Jack asked.
"I am sure they're doing all they can," John sighed. "But I'll talk to one of the doctors."
"Good idea." Jack replied. They watched John slowly walk down the hallway until he disappeared, and then Jack turned back to Mac. "Thank you so much Mackenzie." he smiled slightly.
"For what?" she asked as they walked over to some chairs.
"For being here for him." Jack replied.
"If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be here." Mac remarked her eyes filling with tears again.
"What are you talking about?" Ashley asked.
"Billy was chasing after me when he got into the accident," Mac replied. "I was leaving and he followed me. It's all my fault!"
"No Mac, it's not." Jack tried to reassure her. "My brother always did have a mind of his own. Believe me you're not to blame!"
"Of course I am!" Mac cried. "And no one can tell me differently!"
"Well if you're responsible for something, be responsible for his broken heart." Ashley cut in.
Mac looked up at her with questions in her eyes and then sobbed harder. "I don't understand?" she said.
"When you left Billy he was a wreck, he buried himself in his schoolwork and then poured his heart and soul into Jabot." Jack explained. "It was like he was trying to keep himself busy."
"You don't know the whole story Jack." Mac remarked.
"Oh but I do," Jack replied. "More than you do!"
"What are you talking about?" she questioned him.
"Just after you left, a very important piece of the puzzle was revealed." Jack smiled. "It turns out Brittany and Billy never slept together that night at the pool house. That's why he never could remember it happening!"
"What?" Mac gasped. "How do you know that?"
"Because Brittany admitted it to him during their last fight." Ashley answered.
"You mean...." Mac started. "He was telling the truth?" Jack and Ashley shook their heads and then turned to see John approaching them with the doctor.
"Jack, Ash, Mac......this is Dr. Andrews." John introduced. They all nodded and then listened to what he had to say.
"Billy's condition hasn't improved, in fact it's declined. He has a massive head injury from the steering wheel and broken glass. And because of that he's in a coma, which doesn't allow us to know the true extent of his internal injuries. We've found some swelling in his brain but other than that we don't know the extent of his injuries and we won't know until he wakes up." the doctor explained. "At this point all we can do is monitor him and wait."
"What are his chances doctor?" John asked.
"At this point he has a sixty percent chance of surviving if he wakes up, but if he doesn't he could be in a coma for years." the doctor replied.
"Can you give us a time frame on how long it will be until he wakes up?" Jack asked.
"Like I said it could be years, it could be hours or days." Dr. Andrews replied.
"Oh Lord," Ashley sobbed. "There has to be something we can do!"
"You can pray." Dr. Andrews answered.
"Can we see him?" John asked.
"As soon as he's settled into his room you can have short visits," Dr. Andrews replied. "Now if you'll excuse me I have rounds."
"Thank you doctor." John smiled. The doctor walked away and they were left with their own thoughts.
"He'll pull through this," Jack reassured them all. "He's a fighter!"
"I hope you're right Jackie," Ashley sighed. "I have to go call Brad. Find me if anything happens okay?" John nodded and then turned to speak to a nurse.
"Your son has been placed in room twelve and remember short visits." she remarked.
Jack looked at Mac and said, "Are you coming?"
"You should see him first." Mac replied.
"Makenzie...." John smiled. "You're as important to Billy as we are!" Mac nodded and then followed them down the hall. When Jack and John entered Billy's room Mac lingered by the door and stared at Billy. The room was silent except for the hissing of Billy's respirator and the beeping of other machines. The sounds made Mac's stomach churn and she thought she'd be sick if they didn't stop! "Mac..." John whispered. She looked up at him and he waved her in. "Jack and I are going to go fill out some paperwork, so can you stay with him?" Mac nodded and walked over to his bedside as they walked out of the room. She stared down at his motionless body and wondered why this had to happen to him. He had everything going for him and he didn't deserve something like this.
She took his hand and whispered, "Billy can you hear me? Of course you can't, but I am going to say this to you anyway. I just want to tell you that I know about what Brittany did and I'm sorry. I can't believe that I didn't believe you. If I were you, I would had never wanted to talk to me again. But you did, and I don't know why. The truth is Billy that I love you and I've missed you so much! When I saw you today in Crimson Lights I was so shocked I didn't know what to say or do. I never expected to see you again after that day all those years ago when I told you I never wanted to see you again! But the truth is after I left, I wanted you to come after me. When you didn't I thought you really didn't love me after all, like you had said. It broke my heart but I knew that moving on was the best thing for both of us, or so I thought. Billy you have to wake up! I lost you once before and I refuse to lose you again, do you hear me? Wake up Billy!" Mac bent over his body as sobbs raked her body. "Please Billy, we have to get through this!" she cried. From the doorway John and Jack watched the scene unfold. Jack smiled over at his father and then motioned for him to follow.
"I think that lovely young lady may still end up being my daughter-in-law." John remarked.
"You couldn't ask for anyone better." Jack replied as they approached the waiting room.
"No I couldn't." John replied. They sat down and wondered what to do next.
"Where is Jill?" Jack asked. "You'd think she'd be here."
"I've left messages all over, no one seems to know where she is," John replied. "I know she was preparing to leave for San Fransico, but she wasn't scheduled to leave for a few more days."
"Well keep trying, or she'll hit the roof thinking no one contacted her," Jack sighed. "Lord knows she's going to be hysterical!"
"Don't remind me," John sighed resting his head in his hands. "Let's just pray he wakes up soon!" Just then the emergency door opened and Jill hurried through.
"Where's my baby?" she cried. She spotted them and rushed over. "Where is he? Is he okay? Can I see him? Where's the doctor?" she asked.
"Jill settle down," John said. "We'll go find the doctor and then you can go see Billy." Tears streamed down her face and she allowed John to lead her off in search of the doctor.
Back in the hospital room Mac continued to stare down at Billy's face. She gripped his hand and listened to the song that played over the intercom.
(The song is 'I'm Gonna Smile' by the group Lonestar)
I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
Your love for me was like a summer breeze
Only lasted for awhile
I could have held on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone
You gotta let em' go
Memories flashed before Mac's eyes and she allowed herself to travel back in time. She remembered all the good times she and Billy had had. Their first kiss after he'd gotten out of the hospital had been magical. And the kiss after prom had changed her life forever, it had sent her life down a different path, one she'd wandered away from quite awhile ago. Summer memories passed before her like they'd happened yesterday. Quick meetings in the pool house, a stolen kiss here and there, and there would alway be their place. He'd always been there for her, no matter what. He'd been willing to throw everything away for her and she hadn't realized what she had until it was gone.
So I'm gonna smile
Cause I wanna make you happy
So you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
Suddenly sad memories appeared and tears filled her eyes. The pool house scene between Billy and Brittany was still as vivid as ever and the hurt was still there. Even now that she knew the truth it still haunted her like it was only yesterday. She sometimes yearned for yesterday like nothing else, but in some ways she wondered if yesterday would be enough for her. If she known then what she knew now would things have been diffrent? After that night there were the fights, the tears, and angry words. She had seen the unbearable pain and tears in his eyes when he'd tried to explain, but to her the hurt had been too much and she'd refused to see anything. She'd pushed him away because she thought that's what he'd wanted. She'd let him go because she thought that's what he wanted.
Kiss me once for good times baby
Kiss me twice for good-bye
You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
Cause that's how I want you to remember me
After awhile she'd tried to move on, but he'd haunted her every minute of every hour of every day. He'd thrust himself into a relationship with Brittany to hide his true feelings and that relationship had gotten him into more trouble then he'd bargained for. Brittany had caused him more pain than ever, always accusing him of one thing or another, but he had stood by her because he had no where to turn to. It had taken them months to speak after their final blow out and when they did, it was two whole sentences. Then after time passed, they grew closer and she began to wonder if she really could fight her feelings. But with Brittany's pushing, he'd pushed her away blocking her from his life. He'd said hurtful things and told her to mind her own business, but she'd stood by him hoping to keep him out of arms reach. The night of the rave she'd warned him not to take the ecstasy Brittany was pushing at him. And thanks to her he'd been smart and saved himself from a near death experience. But things never changed after that....
I'm gonna smile
Cause I wanna make you happy
So you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
Graduation hadn't been far off after that night. Brittany had still been insisting he was in love with her, but he'd denied it to the end. Then finally one night after graduation she and Billy had had it out. She had told him to stay out of her life completely and that she never wanted to see him again. She then fled, hoping he'd come after her and ask her to stay. But he'd only stood there watching her leave for the last time. She always fled when things got bad, but he'd always followed her before! Why had this time been different? That time that they'd both thought that being apart was for the best. That was their biggest mistake yet and she knew it. That night she stood outside and a couple of times she thought of going back, but had decided against it. It was obvious he didn't want her. So after what seemed like hours she'd left and never looked back.
I'm gonna smile
So I can find the courage
So you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
Even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile
"Why didn't you come after me?" she asked him. "Why did you let me leave? You could have stopped me if you'd really wanted too! I would have stayed if only you would have asked me too. I wanted to stay! I wanted to stay with you. Why did you do that Billy? Why did that time have to be difefrent? Why? I loved you so much....I still love you more than you'll ever know. But I almost wonder if I should get up and leave right now. Do you want me to leave? Is that what you want? I could just leave and disappear again, but I don't really want to! To be truthful I'm not sure what I want. I know I want you, that I've always been sure of. But do you want me? Did we see each other today for a reason? Was it destiny for us to meet again? Is this life giving us another chance? And a better question would be, do I deserve a second chance? Billy if you want a second chance wake up and tell me so. Because if you don't wake up then I'm outta here and this time it's for good." Mac wiped the tears from her eyes and walked over to the door and leaned against the frame for support, wondering if this was the right thing to be doing. Then she took a deep breath and walked out of the room and down the hall. As she walked away her heart sank and her stomach twisted. 'Oh G**!' she thought, 'Can I do this?' Then all of a sudden machines started to beep and buzz. Mac spun around as doctors and nurses fled down the hall. Mac ran back to Billy's room and stared in the room from the doorway. The doctors and nurses worked quickly on reviving him and all Mac could do was stand there and pray that they bring him back from wherever it was he had gone.
John, Jill, Jack and Ashley came running up behind her in a frantic state.
"What's happening?" Jill asked with hysterical tears. "What's going on with my baby boy?"
"I don't know!" Mac cried, nearly losing all the feeling in her legs. "I was leaving the room and all of a sudden he just flat lined."
"This can't be happening!" John whispered with tears in his eyes.
"He'll pull out of this." Jack insisted.
"How can you be so sure?" Jill asked. "How do you know that?"
"Because my little brother is a fighter," Jack replied strongly. "He always has been!" Just then a nurse walked over to them.
"I'm going to have to ask you to wait in the waiting room." she remarked.
"But what about Billy?" Jill asked stubbornly.
"The doctors are doing all they can," the nurse replied. "So please wait in the wating room." They all glanced into Billy's room once more and then slowly walked down the hall.
"I don't understand," Jill sobbed. "The doctors just finished telling us he was stable!"
"Things like that happen." John replied.
"But what if....what if....." Jill stammered.
"Settle down Jill!" Jack snapped. "You're not doing Billy any good in this kind of condition." She stared at him in shock and then shook her head.
"You're right," she sniffed. "I need to get a hold of myself. Billy needs us to be strong."
"I'm going to call Brad." Ashley said numbly. Mac watched her go and sat down on one of the plastic chairs silently. Tears streamed down her face as she placed her head in her hands. She began to rock back and forth and she barly felt the hand now resting on her shoulder. She looked up and stared into Jack's warm friendly eyes. He smiled sadly and sat down next to her.
"He'll pull through this," he reassured her. Mac shook her head and wiped away more tears. "Yes, yes he will." Jack insisted. "You have to think positively Mac."
"I can't, not when all of this is my fault." she replied quietly. "If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be here!"
"Stop saying that okay," he said comfortingly. "Billy needs you to be strong, he needs all of us to be strong."
"What good am I to him?" she questioned. "All I've ever caused him is pain! I should just leave now before I cause him anymore grief!"
"Mackenzie that's not true," Ashley said walking back into the room. "Billy loves you and needs you here!"
"No, no he doesn't." she replied in a defying tone.
"Yes he does Mac," Ashley insisted. "He'll always need you whether he admits it or not."
"She's right," Jack agreed. "My little brother talks to me about everything and I know he loves you!"
"Has he actually admitted that to you?" Mac asked with doubt in her voice.
"If you're asking me if he's flat out told me he loves you, no he hasn't." Jack answered. "But when I catch him staring off into space or when someone talks about you, he gets this look in his eyes, I know he's thinking of you!"