

I choose the theme for this page "What
Dreams May Come", a very touching movie to represent my page about
my life and family. Some of you may ask why, whom have seen the
movie, so I'll tell you why. The reason this movie moved me so much
is, not only was it inspirational, but also very realistic as to how
truthful in life many of us dream Heaven to be. You may say well
this movie is not really the way the Bible states Heaven to
be* I will say True since I believe in what's
written*, But we all paint our own surroundings as stated in
the movie and that's just the way life is, being it as a Christian
or sinner or what ever faith we possess, we do it, one or the other.
I'm a firm believer in Christ our Lord.
As stated in the movie* Maybe I'm not in your heaven
after all, but instead you are in mine*. That statement has so much
meaning there. So this is the statement I'd like to represent my
life as it is now and wished it had been all along. All those whom
I've lost or loved have gone to my Heaven the way I see it and dream
it to be.

Through the years as I got older I've often wondered
where I went wrong in life why certain things had to turn out they
way they did, took me too many lost years of my life to figure out
why. As Ginny a recent new friend of mine said,
"I am not a poet, nor am I a writer, but there comes a
time as you grow older, that you have to try to express your
feelings, maybe not so much for them, but for you, because in your
minds eye you have to be sure they know". Please visit her
site, its wonderful. So with that note .. I'll start a short story
of my life ....

I was born in a very, very small place called
Beverly, Ky in May of 1962 to the parents of

Kitt And Vestina Brock.
They were very loving parents whom are now deceased
that I miss very much. Their Now In My heaven As I dream it to be.
Everyone's vision of heaven is different, this is my vision and my
dream!


I really wish I could remember more about my
childhood as I was growing up, however, there is very little I
remember about it. When My mother died I went into shock and this
seems to be the reason I've been told, why I don't remember things
as I should. I was 15 then and became quite difficult in my own
little world after her death. I first tried so hard to fill her
shoes doing the things a mother would do at home for her children
and her home. I would go to school and come home and cook and clean
for my father and two brothers who were younger then me. However
this didn't last long I became very heavy in to drugs and anything
that would take my mind off of her death. *Why ..?* The night she
died, I wasn't at home and to this day. I still feel the guilt and
hurt of never getting to really understand just how sick she was and
never getting to say goodbye.

I never knew for years just how sick she was and that
she was going back into the hospital for open heart surgery which at
that time, left a very slim chance for her to ever get to come home.
She had come home for one week to spend time with us in case she
never made it home again to say good bye to us, is how I've always
thought through the years of her reasons for wanting to come home.
She was very sick and should have never been allowed to leave the
hospital. It was at home and not being on blood thinners that I
found out in later years the reason for her
death.

As I spoke before I tried hard to fulfill her shoes ,
and it wasn't easy for a 15 year old girl. With in months can't
remember how many, but thinking it was in October I met my sons
father and we were married and I moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana for a
year, then on to Ashland, KY, where I lived about 3 years. My
husband at that time Micheal, decided to get into law enforcement so
it was then that we moved right out side my home town to Pineville,
Ky. I'm not going to go into our marriage as I don't want to upset
my son and just say that there were many wonderful times and many so
not. During my marriage to him there were so many days that I
started feeling guilty as I got older and had my son *Jason, My
First Earth Angel* that I wished I hadn't married him and stayed
home with my father and helped raise my brothers as he did. I felt
that I took an easy way out of all my responsibilities that were
open to me. That kind of guilt alone is so hard to deal with all
your life, for now my father is gone and My brothers all live away
from me. * I used to feel alone sometimes and even to this day I do
in my blue days ,as if this is my punishment for not trying harder
to make things at home better for them.*

After my divorce to Michael, I again remarried a
wonderful man whom out of respect for my daughter* Donna my second
Earth Angel* I want name due to him being happily married again.
There too, were many wonderful years of great memories and some not.
While being pregnant with Donna it was then I found out how sick my
father was and that he had cancer of the liver due to his
alcoholism. Again here's another guilt feeling that still bears on
my soul at times for not being strong and staying where I was
needed. Thinking maybe if I had been stronger Dad would not be
dieing and not have drank himself to death as he did when he lost my
mother and me all in one years time. However in his during his
grieving for her he never neglected my two brother and gave them
much love and hung on to life as he did all those years till my
youngest brother was almost 18. You know, I can honesty understand
him for all he went through because I sometimes think he prayed to
live that long, as I find myself doing many times now, For god to
please let me live till at least I see my children grown, and able
to take care of themselves.

As you have already seen I stray away from the moment
sometimes, but it's my only way to tell this..... Right after my
Donna was born, she was not hardly two months old when my father
died. That was harder for me to go through than loosing mom. Again
there's that guilt coming back even stronger now. "This is all my
fault", is what I've told myself for years. It wasn't until recently
that I stopped feeling this guilt when my faith in God became
stronger as I try hard to live everyday by God and I asked him to be
forgiven for all that all felt. And as painful as it is to write
this today I feel as if a large ball that was in my stomach has been
lifted, that remained with me all those years. Now I feel free to
believe they have entered heaven as I dream it to be, and I to will
go someday when god calls me home.

I'm 39 years of age now and have been divorced for
sometime. I can't tell everything that's happened
in my life that I can remember as I choose to forget the bad times
as it will hurt others and there's no need to bring that hurt here
for I no longer feel it and neither should anyone
else. I am now as Happy as any woman could wish to be for I have
been living in the Netherlands now with my soon to be husband and
life is finaly good.. I thank god for giving me Martin as he is the
best thing thats happened to me beside my kids. We have a web site
about our meeting here called Love
OF My Life *Our Story* please visit it and let us know what you
think of our site by signing our guestbook.

I'm am happy and fortunate to be alive and
Blessed with so many things that I'm thankful for. My biggest
Blessing of all other than God of course is my children and Martin, with their
love I am the person I have become today, and this is more than I
could ask for, Their Love. I have many friends to, that I love with
all my heart whom have been a faithful friend through all I've been
through as well as some I've met a little while back, who's
friendship I cherish deeply, and with that in mind, And My past
buried deep in my mind with only the good memories I have of my life
and those I have yet to make. I'd like to Thank God For My Kids ,
Martin, Family and Friends.
They
are who I am today
Remember, take today as if its your last and tell
those you love that you love them and If something feels not right
if your life fix it, after all who knows when the time will come for
us to go on to What Dreams May Come .
By Linda Brock Febuary 14, 2000 Edited March 15, 2002


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