I choose the theme for this page "What Dreams May Come", a very touching movie to represent my page about my life and family. Some of you may ask why, whom have seen the movie, so I'll tell you why. The reason this movie moved me so much is, not only was it inspirational, but also very realistic as to how truthful in life many of us dream Heaven to be. You may say well this movie is not really the way the Bible states Heaven to be* I will say True since I believe in what's written*, But we all paint our own surroundings as stated in the movie and that's just the way life is, being it as a Christian or sinner or what ever faith we possess, we do it, one or the other. I'm a firm believer in Christ our Lord.

As stated in the movie* Maybe I'm not in your heaven after all, but instead you are in mine*. That statement has so much meaning there. So this is the statement I'd like to represent my life as it is now and wished it had been all along. All those whom I've lost or loved have gone to my Heaven the way I see it and dream it to be.

Through the years as I got older I've often wondered where I went wrong in life why certain things had to turn out they way they did, took me too many lost years of my life to figure out why. As Ginny a recent new friend of mine said, "I am not a poet, nor am I a writer, but there comes a time as you grow older, that you have to try to express your feelings, maybe not so much for them, but for you, because in your minds eye you have to be sure they know". Please visit her site, its wonderful. So with that note .. I'll start a short story of my life ....

I was born in a very, very small place called Beverly, Ky in May of 1962 to the parents of

Kitt And Vestina Brock.

They were very loving parents whom are now deceased that I miss very much. Their Now In My heaven As I dream it to be. Everyone's vision of heaven is different, this is my vision and my dream!

I really wish I could remember more about my childhood as I was growing up, however, there is very little I remember about it. When My mother died I went into shock and this seems to be the reason I've been told, why I don't remember things as I should. I was 15 then and became quite difficult in my own little world after her death. I first tried so hard to fill her shoes doing the things a mother would do at home for her children and her home. I would go to school and come home and cook and clean for my father and two brothers who were younger then me. However this didn't last long I became very heavy in to drugs and anything that would take my mind off of her death. *Why ..?* The night she died, I wasn't at home and to this day. I still feel the guilt and hurt of never getting to really understand just how sick she was and never getting to say goodbye.

I never knew for years just how sick she was and that she was going back into the hospital for open heart surgery which at that time, left a very slim chance for her to ever get to come home. She had come home for one week to spend time with us in case she never made it home again to say good bye to us, is how I've always thought through the years of her reasons for wanting to come home. She was very sick and should have never been allowed to leave the hospital. It was at home and not being on blood thinners that I found out in later years the reason for her death.

As I spoke before I tried hard to fulfill her shoes , and it wasn't easy for a 15 year old girl. With in months can't remember how many, but thinking it was in October I met my sons father and we were married and I moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana for a year, then on to Ashland, KY, where I lived about 3 years. My husband at that time Micheal, decided to get into law enforcement so it was then that we moved right out side my home town to Pineville, Ky. I'm not going to go into our marriage as I don't want to upset my son and just say that there were many wonderful times and many so not. During my marriage to him there were so many days that I started feeling guilty as I got older and had my son *Jason, My First Earth Angel* that I wished I hadn't married him and stayed home with my father and helped raise my brothers as he did. I felt that I took an easy way out of all my responsibilities that were open to me. That kind of guilt alone is so hard to deal with all your life, for now my father is gone and My brothers all live away from me. * I used to feel alone sometimes and even to this day I do in my blue days ,as if this is my punishment for not trying harder to make things at home better for them.*

After my divorce to Michael, I again remarried a wonderful man whom out of respect for my daughter* Donna my second Earth Angel* I want name due to him being happily married again. There too, were many wonderful years of great memories and some not. While being pregnant with Donna it was then I found out how sick my father was and that he had cancer of the liver due to his alcoholism. Again here's another guilt feeling that still bears on my soul at times for not being strong and staying where I was needed. Thinking maybe if I had been stronger Dad would not be dieing and not have drank himself to death as he did when he lost my mother and me all in one years time. However in his during his grieving for her he never neglected my two brother and gave them much love and hung on to life as he did all those years till my youngest brother was almost 18. You know, I can honesty understand him for all he went through because I sometimes think he prayed to live that long, as I find myself doing many times now, For god to please let me live till at least I see my children grown, and able to take care of themselves.

As you have already seen I stray away from the moment sometimes, but it's my only way to tell this..... Right after my Donna was born, she was not hardly two months old when my father died. That was harder for me to go through than loosing mom. Again there's that guilt coming back even stronger now. "This is all my fault", is what I've told myself for years. It wasn't until recently that I stopped feeling this guilt when my faith in God became stronger as I try hard to live everyday by God and I asked him to be forgiven for all that all felt. And as painful as it is to write this today I feel as if a large ball that was in my stomach has been lifted, that remained with me all those years. Now I feel free to believe they have entered heaven as I dream it to be, and I to will go someday when god calls me home.

I'm 39 years of age now and have been divorced  for sometime. I can't tell everything that's happened in my life that I can remember as I choose to forget the bad times as it will hurt others and there's no need to bring that hurt here for I no longer feel it and neither should anyone else. I am now as Happy as any woman could wish to be for I have been living in the Netherlands now with my soon to be husband and life is finaly good.. I thank god for giving me Martin as he is the best thing thats happened to me beside my kids. We have a web site about our meeting here called  Love OF My Life *Our Story* please visit it and let us know what you think of our site by signing our guestbook.

I'm am happy and fortunate to be alive and Blessed with so many things that I'm thankful for. My biggest Blessing of all other than God of course is my children and Martin, with their love I am the person I have become today, and this is more than I could ask for, Their Love. I have many friends to, that I love with all my heart whom have been a faithful friend through all I've been through as well as some I've met a little while back, who's friendship I cherish deeply, and with that in mind, And My past buried deep in my mind with only the good memories I have of my life and those I have yet to make. I'd like to Thank God For My Kids , Martin, Family and Friends.

They are who I am today

Remember, take today as if its your last and tell those you love that you love them and If something feels not right if your life fix it, after all who knows when the time will come for us to go on to What Dreams May Come .

By Linda Brock Febuary 14, 2000 Edited March 15, 2002