Music Jokes

While an orchestra was playing Tschaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet overture, an elderly man in the audience wept and wept.
"You must be an incurable romantic", said the woman seated next to him.
"No", he said, "I'm a musician".

12 Tone Scale		State Police weigh your tractor trailor truck with it.
A 440		A highway that runs around Nashville.
Altlegro		Leg fertilizer.
Altos		Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes."
Arpeggio		"Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
Bach Chorale		The place behind the barn where you keep the horses.
Bass		The things you run around in Softball.
Beat		When musical students use instruments on each other's heads.
Big Band		When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
Bossa Nova		Car your foreman drives.
Cadenza		Ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off when company comes.
Cello		Proper way to answer the phone.
Clarinet		Name for your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo.
Clef		What you try to never fall off of
Conductor		The Man on the Train that punches your ticket.
Cut Time		Parole.
Cymbal		On deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in with your pistol.
Diminished 5th		An empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
First Inversion		Grandpa's battle group at Normandy.
Major Scale		A really big mountain to climb!
Minor 3rd		Your approximate age & grade at the completion of formal schooling.
Passing Tone		Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
Perfect 5th		A full bottle of Jack Daniels.
Perfect Pitch		The smooth coating on a freshly paved road.
Pianissimo		"Refill this beer bottle."
1/4 Tone		What most standard pickups can haul.
Relative Major		An uncle in the Marine Corps.
Relative Minor		A girlfriend.
Repeat		Staying in the same grade until they just expel you.
Ritard		There's one in every family.
Sonata		What you get from a bad cold or hay fever.
Staccato		How you did all your ceilings in your mobile home.
String Quartet		Four violin players complaining about composers.
Tempo		Good choice for a used car.
Tenor		Two hours before a nooner.
Time Signature		What you need from your boss if your forget to clock in.
Transpositions		Men who wear dresses.
Treble		Women ain't nothin' but.....
Whole Note		What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to climb the ladder and the rest to complain about how high it is.

HoneyHoney's Country Girl Hullaballo
http://www.oocities.org/bornhoney/