HUMOR Digest - 4 Aug 1997 to 5 Aug 1997

Date: Mon, 4 Aug 1997 03:56:34 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: These days...

I can remember when kids used to run away from home...
These days, they defect, and you've gotta worry if they're gonna sue.

I tried to pay for our dinner the other nite with cash...
I had to show two credit cards and my driver's license as ID.

People are complaining about Clinton's foreign policy...
Nothing wrong with it that faith, hope and clarity wouldn't cure.

All the health insurance companies are so thoughtful these days...
I was in the hospital and Blue Cross sent a get well SOON card.

They introduced "staggered lunches" to the Maryland State Highway...
But it was nothing new to us. Hell, we'd all been drinking for years

President Hoover once promised the people two cars for every garage...
We've exceeded that -- we've now got two cars for every parking space.

In fact, in New York, you no longer get a parking ticket...
If you can find a space anywhere, the Police issue you a medal.

These days a movie has to be exciting to draw people and make money...
They start with the end of everything, then work up to a climax.

Pollution is so bad these days, Maryland may have to change its motto...
from: "Where the turf meets the Surf"
    to: "Where the debris meets the Sea"

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