HUMOR Digest - 9 Aug 1997 to 10 Aug 1997

Date: Sat, 9 Aug 1997 03:56:26 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Spoken Word

"What is the difference," the Yuppette asked a keeper during a visit to the National Zoo, "between the North American porcupine and the African porcupine ?"

"The principal difference between them Miss," the attendant replied, "is that the North American species has a longer prick."

The Yuppette fled in distress and anger to the Administration Building where the Chief Curator attempted to mollify her. "I apologize for my staff Miss." he said. "It was an unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is that the North American porcupine has a longer quill... Actually, you know, come to think of it, their penises are about the same size."

"I've finally found a man with both feet planted firmly on the ground." said the sweet young thang to one of her ex's.

"That's great !" replied the guy. "But how in the hell does he get his pants off ?"

The lovely gold-medal-winning swimmer was amorously indisposed when her bedside phone rang. Since she'd been waiting for a call from a talk show about an appearance, she answered it.

"I'm the sports director of the YWCA," the caller said, "and I was wondering if someone in your position could possibly teach our youngsters the proper swimming techniques."

"I'm sorry." the girl replied. "But let me assure you, anyone in my position would surely drown."

"Did I understand you to say," inquired the elderly chief judge as the beauty-pageant contestants paraded by, "that you automatically vote for the girl who doesn't appear to have a chance ?"

"That's not quite it." explained the youngest judge on the panel. "What I said was that I invariably vote for the sleeper."

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