HUMOR Digest - 22 Nov 1997 to 23 Nov 1997

Date: Sat, 22 Nov 1997 03:15:55 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: The Professionals

Max, a well known English professor, was telling a colleague that he was caught "in flagrante delicto" by his wife while he was in bed with one of his students.

"Whatever did you do old boy ?" asked the other professor.

"Well, she's standing there yelling that she's surprised. And I merely said, 'No my dear, you are shocked, I am surprised'."

A new member of a Synagogue is talking to the Rabbi: "You have such a small congregation. How can they afford to pay you ?"

The Rabbi said, "Well, I only earn $60 a week."

The man is dumbfounded. "Rabbi, how in the world can you get by on an amount that small ?"

"Well, I tell ya. If I wasn't such a religious man and didn't fast three days a week, I'd probably starve to death."

A senior citizen goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, I have sex only once a week."

The doctor asks, "How old are you ?"

The patient replies "Seventy-five."

"Wait now. You're 75 and have sex once a week. I think that's wonderful. What are you complaining about ?"

"My neighbor is almost eighty years old, and he says he has sex three times a week, every week."

The doctor smiled and said, "I can easily solve your problem. From now on, you say the same thing."

A speech therapist has an unusual cure for people with speaking problems. See, what you do is fill your mouth with marbles, then you must learn to speak through the marbles. Each day, you take one out. Then, after you've lost all your marbles...

Earl Weaver, a former manager of the Baltimore Orioles baseball team, had a bad reputation for arguing with umpires. Once during such a debate, Earl could tell the Ump was getting mad. He put his arm around the umpire and said, "I'm not really mad, this is just for the TV audience."

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