It's Not Me
Chapter 5
*** 3 Weeks Later***
andwere going back home tomorrow afternoon and then
and I would have to stop the affair we’d been having it was a lot more
physical this time round we’d done it twice whenand
we’re over here and this time maybe it shouldn’t be this way 's hurting
because he can’t have me and I’m hurting because I can’t have him I
thought as I led in bed next toonce again I got that feeling
hoping and praying it wasbut it couldn’t be I cried myself silently
to sleep.
“Babe you’ve been crying in your sleep”said to me the next morning
“I know must have had a bad dream or something” I said It was partly the
truth I dreamt about how this after noon would go then it went into a
few years laterandhad gotten married but he didn’t want to
do it and thenand I got married, we’d married the wrong people and
both
and I knew it in my dream but It was really realitywas pretending
to loveand I was pretending to lovefor my heart to beat
like it should it should be pieced together with’s
“Well baby I hope that dream doesn’t happen again”said and kissed
me it won’t I thought in my head
******
“Babe you’ve been crying in your sleep”said to me the next morning
“I know must have had a bad dream or something” I said It was partly the
truth I dreamt about how this after noon would go then it went into a few
years laterand I had gotten married but I didn’t want to do it and
thenandgot married, we’d married the wrong people and both
and I knew it in my dream but It was really reality I was pretending to
loveandwas pretending to lovefor my heart to beat like
it should it should be pieced together with’s not’s there’s got
to be a way out…
******
I had to let her go I thought as I watched her do her morning routine I was
keeping her captive and it wasn’t right I felt she didn’t love me she
kissed me differently she hugged and held me differently I’d noticed the
same was happening withandhe did things but in his eyes they
said a different thing and so did’s but the glance they give each
other changes the shine in there eyes I know I’m holding them from being
together you can’t help who you fall in love with I thought as we drove
andto the airport I glanced in the mirror into the back I could see
staring at the back of’s head I couldn’t take it anymore I stopped the
car in a parking space as we got into the airport
“before you leave there’s something you should know” I said
“What?” She smiled I let the smile burn into my memory cos this would
wipe it away
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but” I sighed
“andare in love with each other” I blurted out
“”said glaring at me I took her hands
“I can see it and I know you’ve been fooling around with this says
it all” I said pulling some newspaper clippings out of my pockets I showed them to
“how could you”cried and slapped him then she slappedbefore
shoving a ticket into her hands
“Go back to England”said harshly I handedher passport that
I’d collected
“You’re the reasondidn’t want to marry me and I know everything
now I’m hurt because you’ve done this but I won’t stand in your way you can’t
control love”said
“I’m sorry”said with tears in her eyeshugged her
“I’m sorry too I’m sorry for keepingfrom you”cried
“Don’t be I hadI shouldn’t of started what I did with”
replied
“I’m not coming back with you two I’m going to stay here with he
needs someone might as well as be me”said and I felt her lips brush mine
“You lovereally andloves you” I heardsay,and I
pulled back to say something toandbut they were walking away hand
in hand…
“I love you Mrs”said toon there wedding dayand
I had come back over for it, it still hurt to see them two together I
know I lovebut the way it all happened was awful
“Get ready to catch the bouquet especially you”said and threw it
over her shoulder and no doubt about itcaught it I smiled at her before
everyone ran out of the reception to seeandhead off for there honey moon.
******
“Back to L.A”toasted with champagne that we had on the plane
“Back to the place where we were allowed to love” I said as we entwined our
arms and drank from the other ones glass…
Is it me that changed the way?
Changed the way that I was kissing you
Was it me that went away?
Didn’t call to say I’m missing you
Is this the way the story goes
Am I not the love you choose?
Cos I’d hate to think that we could end this way
Who’s walking away not me?
Who’s taking your breath not me?
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
Keep telling myself you want me
My head doesn’t want to agree
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
I didn’t see suddenly
Suddenly you’d close and there was change
I was a fool
I trusted you
Didn’t want to loose my faith in you
Hoped to soon the seasons changed
Am I not the one to blame?
Really hate to think love could end this way
Who’s walking away not me?
Who’s taking your breath not me?
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
Keep telling myself you want me
My head doesn’t want to agree
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
So what happens to all the plans?
Cos I really don’t understand
Now is there something I didn’t do?
I can see that you don’t want to stay
Not my power to stand in your way
So forgive me
Say forgive me
Cos I’m just a man
Who’s walking away not me?
Who’s taking your breath not me?
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
Keep telling myself you want me
My head doesn’t want to agree
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
Who’s walking away not me?
Who’s taking your breath not me?
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
Keep telling myself you want me
My head doesn’t want to agree
As much as I don’t want to see
I know in my heart it’s not me
The End!