Strength Is A Woman's Name


My name isand today is the first time I'm able to talk about the most painful thing that happened in my life. 
Everything began 2004 and I was seeingfrom the boy band Blue for about 2 years. We got along really well, we were in love 
and the things were great 'till one morning when he woke me up screaming.
_!! Please come here!
_What's wrong?! Where are you?!
_ In the bathroom! Please, come here!
was crying and seemed to be scared. His voice was kind of husky and when I got in the bathroom there was blood running from his 
mouth and dripping all over the sink.
_My God,, what's going on?!
_I don't know… my throat is aching…
I helped him to make the bleeding stop, then cleaned the sink and tried to calm him down. A few Minutes later we went to the hospital and 
had to do some tests. Later the doctors found a nodule in his throat... that crushed both of us, several concerts and interviews were 
postponed and I got a bit more worried everyday. On August 25thand I went to pick the biopsy results, I was at the waiting room 
when he came out of the doctor's office. I knew something was wrong by the look on his face.
_What did the doctor say,?
_I have cancer on my throat. The nodule is a big tumor and it looks bad.
I remember when I heard the word "cancer" it seemed like someone had injected morphine in my veins.looked at me crying and I 
didn't know what to do so I hugged him really tight.
_What am I gonna do now?
_Calm down babe, what else the doctor said?
_He said I have to start the treatment as soon as possible.
_Have you already scheduled it?
_I have to do chemotherapy 2 times a week at first.
_That's ok babe, I'll be there with you.
held me even tighter and we went back home. 
At the beginning of his treatment Blue did some of their concerts butwasn't the same on stage anymore. He didn't sing the way he 
did, he lost his voice for several times and the drugs he took for his disease got him nauseous and tired so, on September 28th Blue came to an 
end.felt guilty about it and got depressed, there was when our fights started. He didn't want me around 'cause he said he wasn't the 
same as before but, I was able to make myself clear that I didn't care and I'd be with him through thick or thin. I won't say it wasn't hard, I 
spent 24 hours a day taking care of him, and I even quit my job to be available to him and his family. 
was getting weaker day by day, his perfect body wasn't the same anymore, he was so skinny that his bones could be seen. His blond 
hair fell and he could badly stay on his feet. He couldn't do anything on his own so I had to bathe him, take him to take fresh air sometimes… 
pick anything someone could do for a sick person and that was exactly what I was doing. 
All the examsdid he had hopes that the cancer was going away and the tumor had shrunk but nothing like that happened so, little 
by little I saw the shine of his eyes fading away. For several times I caught him crying, trying to hide his pain but he couldn't do it for long 
'cause I was always there by his side doing my best to comfort him. 
It's funny 'causealways said that the only reason he was still fighting for his life was my strength but the truth is I was exhausted, I 
didn't sleep for days worried sick about him. Through that hard time we were able to have fun together, those were the rare moments he 
could forget about his disease. 
On February 17th 2005seemed to be fine, we went for a walk on the park, played videogames, he even cooked for me. At night we 
went to bed he and held me tight then softly whispered in my ear.
_Thanks for everything you've done for me. I love you, and I always will.
I know I smiled at the time, turned around and kissed him. That night I slept the whole time, I felt my entire body resting and when I woke 
up on the next morning I realized something was wrong.was still holding me and when I looked at him he seemed so peaceful and 
painless…was dead, my boyfriend was dead, the man I loved was no longer with me. I kissed him one last time and tried to reach the 
phone to call someone but I was numb, and sat on the corner of the room crying not able to take my eyes off him. I remember the phone 
rang all day long but I couldn't move a muscle, I just stayed at that corner crying and staring at. At 7pm I heard steps in my house, 
it was, he showed up to see how was his mate and when he got in the room he didn't understand what was happening.
_…
_is dead…
I guesshad the same numb sensation 'cause he just stood there at the door without saying a word for quite a while. Minutes later he got 
his senses back and started to make the phone calls. Seeingreacting encouraged me to do the same so I called's family, not an 
easy task. His mother had a collapse and almost had to go to the hospital.and I took care of everything for's funeral 'cause, 
believe it or not, we were the only ones capable of doing something. 
Everyone in the funeral came to me to say they were impressed by my will power being by's side and never letting any wrong thoughts 
cross my mind. Well, those people were wrong. For six months I wasn't able to rest and cried when I was in the shower to not let him know I 
was waiting for his death. The daydied I thought about suicide but, do you know what?'s time had come not mine; I couldn't 
let my family go through all that pain and who could guarantee me I would meet him again once I died. 
After all that turbulence I decided to be away from England for quite a time but I couldn't,was always on my mind so I came back 
home, I couldn't stay away from his mother. After that year I decided not stay in touch with,and'cause everytime I saw 
them I missedmore than I was already missing. 
I didn't get married yet 'cause every guy I go out with I look for a piece ofon them so, before I went crazy or broke someone's heart, 
I gave up dating for a while. I'm not completely alone 'though, in 2007 I decided to have a baby. I went to Switzerland to get an artificial 
insemination. I wanted a little boy with's characteristics and on September 7th 2008 my littlewas born. 
's mother, who considers my son her grandchild, treats my baby like a prince. I don't know if it's a healthy thing for her but at least 
a smile comes to her face everytime my boy plays on her backyard with's old toys. 
Today is June 12, 2010 and this is the first time I'm able to talk about's death without crying. My life is good now. I became a nurse 
and I take care mostly of people who got cancer. 
Though I misseveryday, life goes on and like he said to me 5 years ago, I will always love him.



(Interview Conceded to "People Magazine" by)



The End