Not just another New Year's eve

By Kimbre

Roma looked up at the clock on the wall and sighed at seeing it was not even ten ‘o clock yet. There were still two hours left in what was shaping up to be a terrible New Year and now she just wanted it over and done with. She regretted coming to Della and Franklin’s party as a festive mood had escaped her altogether. Though she dearly loved the elderly couple, the young actress would have preferred to have faced the New Year by simply sleeping through its dawning. Certainly it would have been better than being the only single person at a party full of couples, especially when she could have been with someone special had she not acted so irrationally six months ago.

John’s confession of love for her should not have come as a surprise given the fact that he had been by her side all through her divorce and the fight for Reilly’s custody. He had been a loyal and stalwart friend to her, had given his shoulder for her to cry on countless times, but still Roma had had never considered anything else but his friendship. Well, not until about an hour after she had broken his heart.

His words had come as such a shock that warm, summer’s night and she had not been ready to hear them. Her heart had still been healing from David’s abuse and the realization that she now had two failed marriages and though she had tried to be a gentle as possible when she explained to John how she didn’t think she would ever allow herself to fall in love again, the pain in his green eyes had followed her for days. He had insisted that it made no difference to him and he continued to be her dearest friend in the world. By the time Roma had come to the realization that she was indeed in love with her co-star, the tabloids were already printing pictures of John out and about with an unknown female companion.

She never asked about his relationship with her and John never offered any information, but his absence from tonight’s party was enough to make her feel incredibly lonely. Her mind made up, she slipped from the living room and was able to grab her coat from the spare bedroom. Roma was hoping to escape unseen, but her motherly co-star was still able to head her off at the pass.

"Baby, where on earth are you going so early?" Della asked worriedly as she stopped Roma just before she got to the back door.

The young actress gave a small sigh as she searched for an excuse that would appease her friend, "I guess I just don’t feel all that sociable tonight. I think the best place for me is home."

Della looked at her friend knowingly. Roma could deny it all she wanted, but there were some things that could just not be disguised, "Roma, he could still show up."

"Who? John? Oh Della, it has nothing to do with that," Her own words sounded hollow and unconvincing and fact was that the older actress knew her like a mother knew her own daughter, "Well, maybe it does a little."

"A little?" A raising of wise eyebrows echoed the vocal response.

Roma sighed once more and shook her head helplessly, "I can’t help but think that I lost my only chance for something that could have been….wonderful."

"Oh baby," Della reached out and took Roma’s chilly hand in her own, "You don’t know that for sure."

The little actresses dark eyes turned away for a moment and when they met Della’s once more, there were tears shining in them, "Della, yes. I think that maybe I do," Struggling to reign in her emotions, Roma hastily continued, "I just think I want to be alone tonight. Please, tell everyone I said good-bye? That I wasn’t feeling well or something?"

Clearly able to see that her friend’s mind was made up, Della gave her a reassuring hug, "I will, honey. You be careful driving home. You never know who could be behind the wheel of a car on New Years Eve."

"Thank you," Roma whispered into her ear as she blinked back tears, "I love you, Della and happy New Year."

*****

John sighed impatiently as he was finally able to maneuver his car from the busy highway onto the back roads that would lead him to the Reese home. He had spent Christmas with his parents in Mississippi and though he had planned to be at Della and Franklin’s place hours ago, his flight had been delayed and now he could only find relief in knowing he would be there before midnight. He wanted to bring in the New Year with his best friend and co-star even if they would not be kissing at midnight.

He had accepted Roma’s decision that she was unwilling to get involved with anyone but he could not help but hope that it was a choice that time would soften and that she would then be more open to the possibility. He had confessed his feelings to her far too soon for her to be comfortable. He knew that now and he was simply determined to wait things out. John knew that he was already hopelessly and completely in love with the young actress. He had been from nearly the first moment he had met her, but he had been foolish to let her see that so soon after her divorce from David and the nightmare her marriage had been. Roma was a trusting soul who wanted to believe that love was supposed to last forever and she had been burned badly, not once but twice. When he’d told her he was in love with her, she had tried so hard not to hurt him and remembering the tears she’d had in her eyes that night had nearly broken his heart. Not because she was refusing his offer of love, but because she was still in so much pain.

So he had told himself he would wait as he couldn’t imagine loving anyone else. If the love of friendship was the only kind she could accept than he would give it freely and he had and would continue to do so for the rest of his life if need be. He wanted Roma in his life in whatever manner she could allow. She and little Reilly were too much a part of his life to ever be able to walk away.

John gave another sigh of impatience when flashing lights up ahead caused him to have to slow down once more. He thought at first that maybe it was a sobriety check point but as he got closer he could see not only police cars, but an ambulance as well, the vehicles blocking one lane. Traffic inched forward slowly and as he drew closer, he could see that an accident had occurred involving two cars and that the blue SUV had been nearly totaled. His heart then stopped as he recognized the car as belonging to Roma.

Later, John would not even remember jerking on the wheel of his car to pull it over to the side of the road, nor slamming the car into Park. He would not remember getting out of the car as he called out Roma’s name and running over to the ambulance crew, who were still trying to get the unconscious actress out of her car.

"Roma? Baby!" John called out desperately as he shoved his way through the startled Emergency workers.

"Sir, please. You have to step back," The older gentleman looked at the intruder and his eyes flickered with recognition.

"She’s my….friend," John stammered, his terrified eyes on Roma’s face. She was so pale that the blood that was running from a gash in her forehead stood out in a startling, stark contrast to her skin, "She’s not….please tell me she’s…."

"She’s alive, Mr. Dye," The kindly EMT replied as gently as he could, "The other driver had been drinking. He’s already been taken back to the station to be booked for a DWI." He had a feeling that the young, careless driver was much better off where he was now, as opposed to facing John Dye’s furious green eyes, "Miss Downey was wearing her seatbelt, but her airbag failed to inflate."

"So you don’t know how badly she’s hurt?" He was desperate to touch her, to hold her in his arms.

"Not yet. From what we can tell the head injury is the greatest worry, but we won’t know more until we take some radiographs and an MRI."

John’s mind was racing as he watched the paramedics load Roma’s petite body onto the stretcher. Why had she left Della’s party? She had been planning on staying in the spare bedroom as she hadn’t liked the idea of being out on the roads on a night that for so many, required far too much alcohol. He had planned to offer to take her home, but he hadn’t gotten there in time to extend that invitation.

"What hospital?" He heard himself saying.

"Saint Marks."

John nodded his head as he took a step forward, just as they were preparing to load the stretcher into the ambulance. Unable to help himself, he laid a hand on Roma’s cheek, wishing she would just open her eyes in reassurance that she would be just fine, "Roma, sweetheart, I’m here. It’s all going to be fine, baby. I promise you, it will all be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time."

He felt helpless as he was forced to stand back as she was moved into the ambulance and the paramedics immediately started preparing to stabilize her condition. His heart was still pounding loudly in his ears and when he turned to jog back to his car, his eyes caught sight of Roma’s mangled SUV once more.

It was a miracle that she was alive at all.

*****

John had called Della on the way to the hospital to tell her what had happened and he had promised to call as soon as he knew something. The older actress had wanted to meet him at the hospital, but fact was, there was nothing she could do while they ran tests on Roma. John was nearly frantic with worry as he paced the hallway for what seemed like an eternity. He couldn’t bear to lose the little actress and Reilly….the little girl needed her mother.

He was actually surprised to see that it was not yet midnight, though he felt as if he had been waiting for news for hours. He was sure that back at Della’s house, there was a prayer vigil occurring as they all asked God to bring Roma safely through this trauma and he tried to focus on that. He wanted to be a part of that, even if he was several miles away in a lonely hospital waiting room on New Year’s Eve. He wished that he really were that angel who could hear the Father’s voice assuring him that all would indeed be well with the woman who was still secretly the love of his life.

Finally, the doors opened and John’s head shot up, the words "How is she?" were out of his mouth before the doctor could even get close to him.

"It’s all right, John," The doctor smiled reassuringly and watched as the younger man’s face relaxed a tiny bit. He had never met either local celebrity but he knew of them quite well, "She’s going to be fine. She has a mild concussion, and some contusions and bruises, but given what I heard about the accident it could have, and technically should have been, much worse. I think she had some real angels of her own watching out for her tonight."

John felt as if he was finally breathing again after holding his breath ever since he had recognized Roma’s car on the road, "Thank God," He uttered, his voice just above a whisper, "Thank God."

"I told her you were here and she wants to see you. We’re going to keep her at least through tomorrow just for observation due to the blow to her head, but I have no reason to believe she will not be released by mid day. She’s in room 201."

"Thank you," John shook the doctor’s hand enthusiastically before he turned and nearly ran down the hall to her room. He gave a tiny knock at the door before he opened it and he was greeted with a painful and tired smile from the tiny actress. She looked frail and exhausted, but her dark eyes were open and for now, that was enough for him.

"Roma," He was by her side in an instant, one hand already reaching for hers while the other he laid tenderly against her pale cheek.

She looked up at him, seeing the relief and love in his eyes and she felt her own filling with tears, "Johnny….how did you know?"

"I passed the accident, baby," He replied softly, stroking her cheek as his eyes took in every little bump and bruise, "I saw your car. God, Roma, you could have been…" He didn’t allow himself to finish the thought and instead he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it lovingly, as he regained control of his emotions, "How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Tired. Sore. So glad that you’re here," A tear fell from her eye and he quickly brushed it away, "I need to talk to you."

"Shh," He smiled gently at her, "Rest now, baby, okay? We can talk later, but right now, the doctor wants you to sleep. I won’t leave you. I promise, but I do need to make a few phone calls."

Fear filled her heart. Who did he need to call? The woman in the picture with him? Roma wanted to tell him what a terrible mistake she had made last summer, but now that suddenly seemed so unfair to him. John had moved on and she had no right to interfere in his happiness. Her chance had fallen away with the warmth of summer. She had been a fool and now she would suffer the consequences for the rest of her life.

"Angel?" John’s eyes flickered with concern as a tiny sob escaped her, "What is it, honey? Are you having pain?"

She struggled to hold back the tears as she met his kind, worried gaze, "Yes. A little, but it’s okay. I can handle it. Go and make your calls, Johnny. I’ll be fine."

He wasn’t convinced by her answer, but she looked so fragile that he chose not to argue with her, "The calls can wait until you fall asleep. Even once you do, I’ll be right outside, angel. I’ll be here all night with you."

She managed a tiny nod, afraid that if she tried to speak, she would only burst into tears. For a brief moment, her eyes traced over every little detail of his face, memorizing his boyishly handsome features once more. Roma felt the safety that came from John simply holding her hand and the tenderness that lied beneath his fingers as they brushed through her bangs. No, he would never let her fall, but he wouldn’t be there to hold her for the rest of eternity either.

*****

By morning, all of Roma’s little aches and pains had become much larger aches and pains, from the ones that spurned from sore muscles to the one that hurt in her heart. John had been true to his word and had stayed with her all night, dozing fitfully in the chair next to her bed, but the actress had not slept nearly as well. She had spent the night mourning the loss of something she had never allowed herself to know, and though her friend’s presence brought her comfort, it was also a constant reminder of what might have been.

John drove her home after she had been released from the hospital and had led her inside the house with a hand wrapped securely around her waist. He could sense a weariness about her and he had a feeling that she had not slept well the previous night. What puzzled him however, were the traces of sadness he could see in her brown eyes and he had his mind made up that he was going to try to discover their cause before the day was through.

"Reilly is still at Betty’s house," He told Roma as he helped her to sit down on the sofa, "I called them last night and told them what had happened. They were more than willing to keep her an extra night until you are feeling a bit better."

"Thank you," Roma murmured, leaning her head back and closing her eyes briefly. Though she missed her little daughter, she also knew that Reilly would be frightened to see her mother so bruised and tired. Hopefully, by tomorrow, she would feel at least a bit more like herself and better able to assure the little girl that she was fine.

"Are you hungry, honey? Can I get you anything?" John sat down on the edge of the sofa cushion and laid a gentle hand on her knee.

"You should probably get home, Johnny. It’s New Year’s Day and I’m sure you have….people to celebrate with," She managed a small smile, though the pain in her eyes caused his expression to turn more anxious, "You’ve missed enough of the holiday because of me."

"Roma, don’t be silly," He scolded gently, "Where else do you think I need to be other than right here?" When she turned her head away, his determination grew, "Roma, what is this all about?"

The tears were pushing forward and lack of sleep made it impossible to stop them. Though it caused her pain, she forced herself up from the sofa to place some distance between them, "I know about her, John. You don’t have to hide it anymore."

John was reduced to staring at her blankly, unable to piece together what she was saying. Whatever Roma thought she knew about was obviously hurting her deeply and for that fact alone, he felt guilty. Rising to his feet, he approached her and gently laid his hands on her shoulders, "Sweetheart, I’m not following you."

Moving away from him again, Roma walked into the dining room and opened one of the drawers of the hutch. Taking out a tabloid magazine, she turned back around and thrust it at him, "Her, Johnny! The girl in the picture with you! I know about her, okay?"

He felt rooted to the spot, trying to piece everything together. Tears were trickling down Roma’s cheeks and the hand that held out the magazine was trembling. His mind was racing as he dared to wonder why this was all suddenly so important. Roma had once been very, very clear that she wanted nothing more from him than friendship, but now here she was standing before him, crying and trembling and looking as if her heart had been shattered.

"I know!" She continued tearfully, "And I know I’m not supposed to be upset and that you had every right to move on with your life. I’m being selfish and silly, but yet, I can’t seem to help it! I was wrong last summer, John, okay? I just didn’t’ realize it then. I was afraid to let myself love you that way because anyone that I dared to love…well, it all went wrong. I couldn’t bear the thought of what I had with you already ever going wrong," She was crying openly now, unable to stop the painful words that were pouring forth from her lips, "But then I realized that I did love you and that I trusted you more than anyone else in this world. I kept telling myself that you would never hurt me if I let myself love you. I wanted to tell you…I wanted to tell you that I was wrong, but by then it was too late! You were already with her!"

John took the tabloid from her trembling hands and stared down at the picture while Roma continued talking.

"It’s okay, John. I want you to be happy. I do," She wiped at her eyes angrily, wishing she had better control of her emotions, "I wish I had realized sooner how I felt because then maybe there would have been a chance for us. You’re my best friend, Johnny and that will have to be enough."

Silence hung in the room for several moments before John finally raised his head to look at her. Tears shone in his own eyes as his gaze wavered between Roma and the magazine in his hands. It took several more seconds before he could speak, "Roma….honey, I am so sorry…I…."

"Don’t, John, please," She whispered brokenly, "You don’t have to….just go, Johnny, please. Just go…." Turning away, she fled the room, unable to meet his green gaze a moment longer.

It took John another moment to gather his wits about him as the truth of the situation completely set in with him. The moment it had, however, he threw the magazine to the floor, cursing its very existence. His own heart ached for Roma’s pain, but then he realized the full truth of what she had said. She loved him. She was in love with him and he couldn’t allow that love to cause her anguish for a second longer.

He followed the path she had taken and found her sitting on the sofa in the family room, face buried in her hands and her shoulders trembling with the quiet sobs that were shaking her body. Drawing in a deep breath, he approached and knelt on the floor in front of her.

"Roma," His voice was a soothing whisper as he closed gentle hands around her wrists to guide her hands from her face, "Look at me, angel."

It took all her strength to finally raise her head and meet her tear-filled eyes with his, but what she saw there nearly took her breath away. The smallest of smiles was playing on his lips, and his eyes held so much love for her that it caused another tiny sob to escape her.

John’s hands slid from her wrists to hold hers tightly and when he began to speak, it was in the softest of voices as if trying to calm a frightened child, "The woman in the picture…her name is Renee. We grew up together in Mississippi and have remained friends through the years. We aren’t dating, Roma. Actually, she is dating my best friend from college and has been for two years. I was spending so much time with her as a favor to him because Renee was starting to think that the relationship was never going to go any further. But the fact is that Ryan was going to propose to her last night."

"So you aren’t…?" Roma suddenly felt completely embarrassed and ashamed by the way she had handled the situation. She had no claim on John; she had passed up that opportunity six months ago.

"Dating anyone?" He finished for her, his gaze unwavering, "No. Sweetheart, how could I? How could I date anyone else when I am still completely and hopelessly in love with you?"

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to wrap her mind around this fact. Her heart still ached, only this time pleasantly as she stared into his green eyes, "John…."

"I love you, baby. I have from the first moment I saw you and even when you told me that you could never allow yourself to fall in love again, I knew that I would wait, just in case there was the smallest chance that you could change your mind," His hand reached up to cup her cheek, "Last night, when I saw your car there on the road….Roma, for a moment I thought my life was over. My flight had been delayed and I was on my way to Della’s to bring in the New Year with you. Seeing the accident, I thought I was going to regret that delay for the rest of my life."

"I left Della’s because you weren’t there," Roma whispered, bringing her hand up to lay over his, "I wanted to tell you….I wanted to tell you how foolish I had been. I wanted to tell you that I loved you."

His heart felt as if it could burst with the fullness her words brought to it as he smiled tenderly, "You weren’t foolish, angel. Just afraid."

"I’m still afraid, Johnny. I’m still afraid it could all go wrong, and if I lost you, it would be so much worse than David, because you’re my best friend too."

Her words caused his heart to beat faster. David had abused her in almost every way possible. How could anything possibly be worse than that? But she had the truth of the world written on her face as her eyes searched his for reassurance, "You’ll never lose me, honey. I promise you. I’ve known in my heart for years that we were meant to be and I will always treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I will love you everyday, for the rest of my days. I promise. It’s not wrong of you to feel afraid after all you’ve been through, but I just hope you can trust me enough to let me know when you feel afraid," His expression was serious as he spoke softly to her, wanting to vanish her fears as best he could, "We’ll take this slowly, angel. All of it."

"I trust you with my life, John. You’ve been there for me so many times, and for Reilly. You’ve been our safe place and our protector. I love you," She uttered again, gaining new courage to say the words, "I love you so much."

Their faces had inched closer together and a moment later their lips had met for the first time. The kiss was sweet and soft as Roma’s other hand moved to entwine in John’s hair. He had planned on stopping things there, but as she sat up straighter, the kiss was deepened and didn’t end until they were both breathless.

"I love you," John murmured, as he placed delicate kisses over her face and kissed away the happy tears that were escaping her eyes. Moving up on the sofa next to her, he pulled Roma back into his arms, holding her close to his heart, "A new year and new beginnings, angel. A new year full of new possibilities."

"The only possibility I wanted just happened, Johnny," She whispered, snuggling closer to him, his warm, secure embrace lulling her closer to sleep, "I love you," She breathed out the words as she closed her eyes, "I love you."

"My angel, I love you too. Always. Completely."