Roma goes to Ireland (by Gaby)

"Johnnie?" Roma asked through a teary voice as soon as he answered the phone.

"Roma? Baby, what’s happening? Is there something wrong with Reilly?" A single word had been enough for him to guess she’d been crying and he had stood up immediately, Della Reese following him. He was in California, a couple of days before starting a new project with Della’s husband as the producer.

"What, Johnnie...?" she started to ask but his hand risen stopped her.

"Roma?" He could hear her sobbing and he was feeling the distance longer than ever. "Baby, please, tell me. What’s happening?"

"Remember I told you about my aunt Ruth? The one that took care of us after my mom died?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"My brother Joseph called me. She’s very sick and they don’t think she’ll live much longer now." Her voice was a barely audible whisper and she longed to have him near so he could hold her.

"Oh, Roma, I’m sorry, baby."

"I have to go, Johnnie. Joseph said she asked him to write a letter she dictated him for me... She was so sweet... I won’t forgive myself if I don’t go."

"Of course, baby... But I can’t go with you right now..."

"No, I’m not calling for that, I just wanted to tell you... and to hear your voice before I go."

"When are you leaving?"

"I’ve booked a flight in three hours..."

"And Reilly?"

"I’m taking her with me. Strange, but this is a chance for her to see her aunts and uncles and her cousins..."

"Call me when you get there?" he said in a sad voice too.

"Yes." She remained quiet for some minutes. "I’m sorry for the next weekend..." He had convinced her to fly to California and join him and Della there while they were filming the new project. Especially, he was looking forward to have some one on one time with her, while her godparents took care of little Reilly.

"Now, don’t worry for that, ok? We’ll do it in some other time."

"Thank you... and Johnnie?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I love you."

The three tiny words were nothing but a whisper and he wished more than anytime before to be able to hold her and kiss her tears away. "You’re my entire life, Roma. I’m gonna miss you so much, every minute of all these days I’ll be thinking of you. Please, come back to me, ok?"

She started to cry again, her heart breaking in two between her family and the love of a man as none she had ever known. "I will, Johnnie, I will, I love you so much..."

"I love you so much that you cannot even start to imagine. Please, take care and kiss Reilly for me."

****

Three days after, John Dye was approaching to frantic with every hour he spent away from Roma. The project was stopped as any other of the producers had agreed in a date to start filming.

"I can’t wait so much, Della!" he told the old actress when they left the last meeting. "We don’t even know a date to begin with!"

"Calm down, Johnnie. We’re filming this and you have the part for sure."

"I’m not worried for that! In fact that’s the last thing I care about at the moment!"

"What?"

"If I didn’t have this, I’d be in Ireland right now!"

Della understood at once. "Have you talked to her?"

"She called me when they arrived there and yesterday, and day before yesterday I called her, but telephone is not enough. She sounded so sad... It’s driving me crazy not to be able to hold her and be there by her side... And I can’t even plan my life for the coming weeks!"

"I wish I could tell you what to do, baby."

But the answer to John wouldn’t come from his ex co-host but from his cell phone that rang at that moment. "Yes?" he answered not looking before at the call id.

"J-Johnnie?" Roma stuttered and he noticed at once she was crying.

"Baby, what is it?"

"She’s gone, Johnnie," she swallowed hard and then she started to cry. John felt like cursing all the things that had stopped him to go with her.

He let her cry for some seconds until he felt her calming down. "She’s with God now, you know it. She’s not in pain anymore."

"I know, I know... But is something so strange. I keep on seeing my mom and my dad again. It hurts so much..."

"Roma, I’d give half of my life to be there with you. I wish you didn’t have to go through this alone."

"I know and I love you for that..."

They talked for some more minutes, and when he John hung up, he met Della’s worried eyes. "Her aunt’s dead," he simply told her.

"What are you planning, John?" Della said not missing the subtle change in his green eyes.

****

The last 24 hours had gone for her like in a dream. A dream she had had two times before. The long night before the memorial service, the sad vision of the cuffing going down... Now she was at the kitchen, a big mug with coffee in her hands. Her sister Patty and her brother Joseph were with her, exchanging worried glances at how sad she looked.

"Have you called John?" Patty asked after some minutes of deep silence.

"Yesterday," Roma answered.

"Why don’t you call him now?"

"No, it must be about 6.30 am there and he hates to wake up early. I woke him up about 5 am the day we arrived."

Joseph was about to keep on talking but the ring at the door interrupted them. "I’ll go see who it is," he offered and left the kitchen. Just about 3 minutes later, he came back, a wide smile in his face.

"It’s for you, Roma."

"For me?" she asked somewhat surprised. "But who...?"

"Andrew."

"Andrew?" she mentally went over the list of her old friends... "I don’t remember..."

"I think you knew a certain angel called Andrew..." Joseph said, his smile wider than ever at seeing her dark eyes sparkling.

"No..." she didn’t want to get too excited.

Joseph nodded and Roma stood up. Somewhat nervously, she walked to the kitchen door and to the living room. She thought she was looking at a vision, but then she saw him opening his arms to her...

"Johnnie..." she murmured, and a second later she ran to his waiting arms, burring her face in his chest.

"I’m here, baby." John stroked her hair tenderly and let her cry for some minutes, before tilting her head tenderly and kissing her, something they both had missed the last days.

"I guess the angel of death arrived a little late this time..." Patty teased him when they parted and she went to say hi. They had met before, once that Patty had gone to visit her sister to the US.

"Hey, Patty," he said hugging her. "Nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you, John... Now more than ever." She looked at her sister and the blond actor knew what she was referring to just with seeing at Roma. "Come on, Joseph. You know the 11^th commandment... Not to be on the way..."

Joseph smiled and agreed with his sister. "Yes, ma’am."

John looked at them leaving the living room and turned to see the little woman that was cuddled in his arms. He rubbed his back, memorizing the feeling of her he had craved for. He then lead her to the couch and took a seat. Roma circled his waist with her arms and rested her head over his shoulder. "What are you doing here?", she finally asked.

"Did you really think I’d stay there knowing you needed me? I should’ve come with you since the beginning, in the first place," he added firmly kissing the top of her head.

"But what happened with the project? You were supposed to be filming by now," she asked though she was really happy to have him there.

"You said it: I was supposed... The project is delayed, baby, the producers don’t agree yet in some things, so..."

"But they could start in any moment!"

"I’m not loosing it, Roma, don’t worry," he knew she’d feel terribly guilty if he did. "Della’s husband is the main producer; I talked to him, and of course he and Della told me I should be here."

Roma tightened her hold and lift her face to look at him. "Thank you, my love," she murmured.

He leaned down to kiss her again, this time a much longer kiss as they knew they were alone. In the middle, he cupped her face and both of them let their contained feelings go free. Breathless, John finally pulled apart and kissed her cheeks and her forehead. "I can’t be away from you, baby, I don’t know how..."

She was about to answer but Reilly’s yelling interrupted her. "Uncle Johnnie!" she flung to his arms and took a seat on his knees, her head resting automatically on his shoulder just as her mother’s was on the other. "You came to see mommy?"

"Yes, princess," he said kissing the girl’s head, "but I also came to see you."

"I’m really happy. Now mommy is not going to be so sad anymore."

John turned to see Roma once more. "Was she very sad, poppet?"

"Yes, she was crying most of the time..." Roma smiled realizing she had done a poor job on hiding her sadness to her little daughter.

"Well, but I’m here now to cheer her up, ok?" He then leaned down and whispered something into the girl’s ear.

Reilly giggled and kissed her uncle in the cheek. "Yes, I know!"

"You know that telling each other secrets in front of me is not nice, right?" Roma commented with mock indignation.

"Uncle Johnnie says we are his favorites girls and he missed us a lot!" the little girl confessed to her mother. Then, the young actress told her daughter to lean over and she whispered something in her ear too.

"Mommy says that your favorite girls missed you so much too, uncle Johnnie!" Reilly said wrapping her little arms around his neck. "But now we are all together again!"

****

Dinner that night was far the happiest one since Roma and Reilly had arrived to Ireland. The little girl had been happy to have some kids of her age to play with, but she had devoted a good part of her playing time to John.

The blond actor had also taken the time to meet another of Roma’s brothers and some of her cousins, but especially he had used every little time and every chance he had find to look at her, to hold her or simply to take her hand. To Patricia and Joseph the change in Roma´s face was obvious: her eyes were sparkling again, her chatting, playful humor was back and her giggles were now easily heard.

They had finished to eat and Patty and Roma were washing the dishes while John and Joseph went out to the porch. The clear, starry sky made John remember all the times his beloved Irish girlfriend had told him how different it looked there than in Utah or California.

"She’s another woman since today, John," the priest offered, "Thanks for coming."

John looked at him and shook his head. "There’s nothing to thank. I had to be with her, I should’ve been since the very first moment."

"You must really love her to flight from America to Ireland for a very few days... I know she’s going back soon."

"Has she told you how long I’ve been in love with her?" John asked.

"No."

"I’ve loved her for about eight years now, Joseph. I fell in love with her the very moment I first saw her."

"She was married then..."

"And pregnant!" John chuckled. "I still remember all the things we had to do to hide it! Like wearing big coats in spring!" Joseph smiled and kept on listening to him. "You know? I think I’ve never seen something more beautiful than the first time I saw your sister with her newly born baby in her arms. I went to visit her the day Reilly was born and when I arrived she was alone, with a sleeping baby girl in her arms and she was crying softly. I couldn’t help but hold her and take a seat beside her. That was the day I first hold Reilly and you can’t imagine how wonderful it was to look at that miniature of Roma..." John wasn’t trying to justify his love but he felt really comfortable talking to this man, opening his heart about things he hadn’t told to many people, least to someone he had met just hours ago.

"You’re right, Reilly is as charming as her mother. I remember when Roma was a little girl, she always stole everyone’s heart." Joseph kept silent for a little while and then he continued. "Reilly really loves you."

"And I really love her. I can remember every single time I’ve been with them. Since she was a little baby, Reilly was always at the set and we all took turns to look after her. I even learned how to feed her..."

"And she didn’t accept someone other than you to rock her to make her nap in the afternoon, remember?" Roma interrupted them. She came closer and wrapped her arms around John’s waist. "You were the first to hear her calling me ‘mommy’," her eyes were bright with tears at such nice memories. "We were filming and you came into the set with her in your arms shouting ‘Roma, Roma, she can talk’!"

"And I believe there’s someone who still keeps that videotape," he teased her.

"You looked so cute. Your face was such a mix of terror and surprise!"

"By the way, Joseph, I want to thank you for letting me use your room."

"No problem," the priest said. "I don’t use it anymore. In fact I have to go back to the church," he added checking his watch. "I think I took way too much advantage of the other priest help, so..." He shook hands with John. "Good night and I’ll see you two tomorrow." Before he left he kissed his sister and gave him a last recommendation: "Please, be sure she goes to sleep. She has barely closed her eyes since she arrived."

"I will, don’t worry."

Roma and John saw him walking to his car and waved good bye one last time. They remained at the porch for a long time, in silence, just holding and enjoying each other’s warm presence. "So, this was your parents’ house?" John finally broke the silence.

"Yes. I hadn’t come back in a very long time, I think even before we started the show. The last time we came to Ireland, Reilly and I stayed at Patty’s. But now, I guess she’ll move back. This house is bigger than hers."

"You know what I keep on imagining, baby?"

"What?"

"You running out of the house and into the woods. I guess you had your secret places there," he said pointing out at the woods that limited with the end of the yard.

"Yes, I did. And I may show you some tomorrow," she turned and kissed him on the cheek.

Feeling her cold lips, John decided: "We better get in. You’re shivering."

"I don’t want to," she pouted. "I want you to hold me much longer."

"I will, but now be a good girl and get inside," he ordered kissing her nose and then pushing her by the shoulders.

She let him take her into the house and to her room. He kissed her good night, but before he left she stopped him. "Johnnie, I know you must be tired but..." she blushed lightly and looked away before facing him again, "would you come and hold me a little more?"

Her pleading tone made his heart swell with tenderness. "Let me tell you what. Why don’t you get changed and I’ll go do the same? I’ll be back in 10 minutes and I’ll hold you for as long as you want."

"Ok."

Midnight caught them warmly cuddled in Roma’s bed and the lack of sleep from the last week finally beat her. John saw her drifting off to sleep and remained contentedly looking at her in the dark, her peaceful expression telling him all he wanted to know. He finally pulled her closer to him, covered them with the comforter and allowed himself to sleep.

The warm light of the sun over her face made Roma stir up and just then she was aware of the weight over her arm. She smiled and leaned down to kiss Reilly’s forehead. She put a strand off her small face and then let her hand caress John’s arm that was around her stomach. Yes: she had all she could want right there: her beloved daughter and a man that simply adored her.

"Looks like someone else didn’t want to sleep alone either," John murmured letting her know he was awake.

She chuckled and turned her face enough to give him a tender kiss on the lips. "There’s a reason for that. You’re very warm and comfortable to sleep. I understand now why she napped only when you made her sleep."

He smiled and kissed her head again. "What do you want to do today?" he asked in a low voice trying not to wake Reilly.

"Shouldn’t it be me the one asking you that? What kind of a hostess am I that make you do what I want to?"

"You know I’ll go wherever you want to."

Roma remained silent for a few seconds trying to decide to ask or not. "There’s a place I should go, but I haven’t wanted to go alone..."

"The cemetery," he guessed. "You want to visit your parents."

She nodded. "You really know me."

He said nothing but a minute later a tear splashing on his arm made him sit up and roll Roma to face him. "Hey, none of those. I’m here to be with you all the time, baby."

"I’ll never get used to visit their graves, John. I missed them so much..." She started to cry and he tenderly tried to wipe her tears away. "I wish they were here, I wish they could see their granddaughter and meet you. I’d like so much to share my happiness of having you and Reilly with them. When my dad died I felt so lonely... and still when Reilly was born and after I got divorced, I kept on feeling it was just she and I in this world. Going to the cemetery makes me remember that loneliness, that feeling of helplessness..."

"But you’re not alone now, Roma. I’m here and we’re going together to visit them so you won’t feel that loneliness again. I don’t want you to feel helpless, not now not ever," he said stroking her cheek and then leaned down to give her a long, slow kiss. "I’ll look after you the rest of my life, I promise."

A small yawn alerted them that Reilly was awakening. "Hello, sleeping beauty," John said. "You had good dreams?"

"Uh-huh."

"What are you doing out of your bed, poppet?" her mother asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" her uncle asked reaching out to tickle her.

Reilly yelled in surprise and sought for a refugee in her mother’s lap. "I wanted my mom to hold me... But you were here first!" she said jumping over her mother and landing on John’s stomach in an attempt to tickle him back.

****

Reilly had insisted on going with John and Roma to the cemetery and then had chosen a big bouquet of orange roses for her grandparents besides the flowers her mother had bought.

The blond actor had been watching carefully at Roma and he was relief to see Reilly’s company had comforted her in such a difficult visit. They were walking hand in hand with the little girl carrying her roses in front of them, nevertheless John felt Roma tense when they reached the front gate of the cemetery. He looked at her and saw her eyes bright with tears, so he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. They walked until they reached a white grave and Roma knelt at one side in silence. Reilly did the same and her innocent action made John smiled at her. He looked lovingly at the two and waited patiently the long minutes Roma stayed lost in an internal conversation with her parents. After some time, the girl got tired and went to play with the water of a near fountain, but before she had reverently put her roses in front of the gravestone.

John kept an eye on his nice but never left Roma’s side. He saw her wiping at the occasional tears that escaped her eyes, longing to be him the one to wipe them away but he respected her silent contemplation, missing the blast he had always known as his ex co-host.

"I know you keep on watching over me and Reilly," John heard her murmuring and immediately felt her little hand looking for his. He took it and locked her teary gaze with his. "That’s why you’ve sent me an angel to be with us now."

He felt a knot forming in his throat at the look of blind trust in her dark eyes. At that very moment he felt like promising Roma whatever she could ask him. He crouched at her side still holding her hand and cupped her face, his green eyes showing a commitment he was willing to take. "I may not be an angel," he started, "but right now and right here, in front of your parents’ grave, I promise you I’ll love you till the very last minute of my existence and even after my death. I’ll stay with you and with your daughter for as long as God allows me to. You won’t feel lonely again for I’ll be forever by your side, Roma Downey."

Fresh tears crossed her cheeks and he wasted no time in holding her closer. He felt her sobs coming from deep inside her heart, from that dark place that frequently gave her eyes a small hint of sadness. Her pain was as fresh as if they were in the very day of the funerals, but for the first time the Irish actress felt she would be able to walk out of the cemetery and not to feel trapped in that pain everyday. John’s arms around her were giving her that certainty, and his love the strength she needed to turn away from a past of pain and discouragement. She was finally calming down when she felt another little pair of arms wrapping around her heck and the warm lips of her daughter kissing her tear streaked cheek.

"Grandpa and grandma don’t want to see you crying, mommy. They will be sad if you’re sad too."

Roma released her hold on John and then held her little girl. "I’m not sad anymore, honey," she said kissing her forehead. "I will always be happy for having you and for having your uncle Johnnie."

"Ohana means family, mommy, and your family never leaves you and never forgets you. And we are a family, you, me, uncle Johnnie and auntie Della, aren’t we?"

"Yes, sweetie," John said blinking back some tears at the girl’s words. "We are a family and we’ll never forget each other."

The three stayed there holding each other for a couple of minutes more until Roma finally released them and got up. "Why don’t we go get and ice cream? There was a good place not too far from here and the other day we passed by I saw it was still open," she proposed trying to sound cheerful.

"Yes!" Reilly shouted and immediately took her mother’s hand.

John wrapped an arm around Roma’s shoulders again. He bent down to give her a light kiss, just what he felt he needed to seal his promise, and felt especially blessed when he saw her smiling. "Where did she learn that?" he asked referring to what Reilly had said about family.

Roma chuckled and wrapped an arm around his waist. "From Lilo & Stitch, silly."

"Oh, my!" he replied rolling his eyes. "I forgot I was talking about the biggest Disney’s fan."

****

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully, the three of them enjoying a big cup of ice cream and an animated chatting. They had decided to go to Joseph’s church and invite him to join them for lunch, so John and Roma were walking hand in hand while Reilly raced around not too far form them.

"Reilly, watch out!" Roma shouted when she saw her daughter about to crash into an old woman, but it was too late. The girl fell down and the woman was quick to help her to stand up again.

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed as soon as she saw Reilly’s face.

"I’m sorry, ma’am," Roma said coming closer. "Did she hurt you?"

The woman smiled and shook her head in surprise. "I’m having a vision of my past!"

"Beg your pardon?"

The woman pointed at Reilly. "You were that high when I first met you, Roma Downey."

Just then the young actress looked attentively at her. "Ms. Donovan?"

"That’s right."

"Oh, my!" she said hugging the woman. "The last thing I knew about you was that you had moved to England!"

"I did. Two years after I was your teacher. But I came back a couple of years ago, when I retired and my husband died."

"I can’t believe this..."

"I guess this is you daughter. She looks just like you..."

"Oh, yes, sorry. I didn’t introduce you. This is Reilly," the girl politely shook hands with the woman, "and this is John."

"Nice to meet you," he offered shaking hands too.

"Nice to meet you too. And what are you doing here? Last time I heard you were playing an angel in the US."

"Yeah, but the show is over now."

"Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t really watch TV... It’s your bother Joseph who normally informs me about your career, but I haven’t seen him recently."

"Actually we were on our way to see him. Would you like to join us for lunch?"

"I’d really like to, but I have another appointment. I’m so glad I saw you," the teacher said pinching her cheek lovingly as if Roma was still a little girl. "Take care and come visiting if you have time."

The young actress hugged her again. "Ok, we will."

Reilly kissed her and John shook hands with her again, and before they left, the old woman told Roma: "You have a very beautiful family, dear. Take good care of them and be happy."

Roma turned to face John briefly and smiled back at her former teacher. "I will, thank you."

****

"Guess who I saw today," Roma told her brother Joseph later that day. They were seated on the church’s front steps, looking at John, who was pushing Reilly on the swings. "Our old first grade teacher."

"Ms. Donovan? She moved back about 3 years ago. Sometimes she comes here."

"Yes, she told me. She was surprised to see Reilly, and you know what?"

"What?"

"I’m pretty sure she thinks John’s my husband. She told me I had a very beautiful family and that I should be happy."

"And don’t you?" Roma turned to see her brother with surprise written all over her face. "Don’t you have a beautiful family, Roma?" Joseph said pointing at John and Reilly.

"You won’t believe what Reilly said before. She asked me if John, Della, she and I weren’t a family."

"They are her family, honey. You can’t deny John is like her father."

"You can’t imagine how much she missed him when the show was over."

"See?"

"But he is not her father, Joseph."

"Roma, who sees her every afternoon and helps her with her homework when you’re away? Who goes with you two to the school when both fathers and mothers are needed? Who saw her talking for the first time and who walked behind her long hours until she learned how to walk all by herself?"

"But I promised David I would never tell Reilly something against him. I feel I’m looking for a substitute and the truth is that John could never substitute him," Roma leaned over and rested her head on his brother’s shoulder, almost feeling that this dilemma could bend her.

Joseph wrapped an arm around his little sister’s shoulder and pulled her close. "You’re not saying anything against David, baby. And John's not substituting him. I’m sure that when Reilly grows up, she will know who David is and who John is. And the truth is that John is a much stronger presence in her life than her father and that’s not your fault. God wanted John coming into your life and He certainly knew why. He sent him when you were still pregnant, he learned to love your daughter even before she was born, just as a real father does. And he’s been by your side ever since, you’ve told me that." Joseph felt her nodding against his shoulder and kept in silence for a little while. "Answer me just one question, ok?"

"Ok."

"Put away John’s relationship with Reilly... Tell me flatly, do you love him, as a man? Does he make you happy?"

Roma pulled away and met her brother’s eyes. She knew that by answering that question, she was not only giving an answer to her brother or to a priest, but to herself, and she hadn’t any chance to lie. "Yes, Joseph, I do. I love him."

"Then, my little sister, the only thing I can tell you is that this is a gift from God that you should accept and not risk to lose, and now..." he said standing up, "I’m sorry but I have to go back. It’s almost 4 o’clock and that’s the hour of confessions."

****

Joseph’s words and Reilly’s question kept on turning around Roma’s head the rest of the week. She had accepted to herself that she was deeply in love with her ex co-host and that these days with him and her daughter had been an unexpected but very pleasant vacation... More than once he had caught her looking at him with a contented smile in her lips and when he had asked what she was thinking about, she has just wrapped her arms around his neck and silenced his question with a kiss.

That afternoon hadn’t been the exception. Reilly was gone with Patty’s children to do some shopping with the promise that they would get a big ice cream right after. That had given John and Roma the chance to be all alone for a couple of hours, and they had gotten into the woods hand in hand, the young actress wanting to lead him to a near stream where she used to spend hours as a little child.

"There used to be a lot of fish here," she explained. "My brothers and I used to come fishing and my mom cleaned the fish while my dad started a fire outside and we had an early dinner. I think dinner never tasted better to me than when I had captured it myself." John was leaning against a trunk tree with Roma cuddled against his chest. She heard him chuckling at her comment and raised her head to look at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he said running a hand over her auburn hair. "I just keep imagining you, wondering how was this little woman I love so much when she was a naughty girl."

"Adorable," she grinned.

John couldn’t help but smile. "Just as she’s now," he murmured before he captured her mouth in a tender kiss. Roma placed a hand on his cheek and allowed herself to be lost in the moment.

Soon the kiss was not so tender but really passionate, and both felt their heartbeats racing wildly. John was struggling to control his emotions but it was rather a difficult task due to her eagerness to correspond his kissing. She let him laid her over the grass, never breaking the contact, and soon her hands were running the length of his arms to his neck and finally to tangle in his hair. He pulled apart briefly, gasping for breath, and the sight of Roma’s expression, closed eyes, lost in a powerful wave of sensations, made him go back to kiss her immediately again. He kissed her mouth and her cheeks to her neck and underneath her chin, her soft sighs filling his ears. "Oh, God, how I love you," he whispered before claming her lips once more. He got bolder and let one of his hands run under Roma’s blouse to caress her warm skin. He felt her shivering and moaning in pleasure, but when his questing hand reached one of her breasts, he felt her pushing him away.

"No, John, please," she said breaking his kiss.

"I’m sorry, Roma," he offered quickly sitting up and helping her. "It’s just that... You make me feel so many things sometimes I can’t control myself..."

"No, John. I’m the one who’s sorry..." she said looking away from him and blinking back the tears that were stinging in her eyes.

He pulled her to his chest and held her tightly. "Please, no. It’s ok."

Roma wanted to talk, to excuse herself or explain her sudden fear, but she just couldn’t find the words. After a few seconds she was about to speak when Patty’s voice coming from the woods made her stop. "John, Roma, we’re back! Where are you, kids?"

"Right over here, Patty!" John shouted back. "By the stream."

****

John and Roma spent the rest of the afternoon with Patty and her children, playing soccer and baseball. Yet, to Patty’s expert eyes there was something definitely wrong between the two ex ‘angels’. Yes, they were sharing gentle touching and smiles and tender glances, but she could say her sister was kind of ashamed and afraid. She asked Roma to help her with diner, but the chatting they usually shared was nothing but a few sentences. Finally, John brought the kids inside of the house and the three adults saw the laughing group rushing to the living room, Reilly following them. He stayed at the kitchen, leaning over the counter where Roma was chopping some cucumbers. He stole a slice and she gave him playful slap. "Ouch!" he said pretending to be hurting, and when he saw her smiling he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

The phone rang and interrupted the playful exchange. "I’ll go," Patty offered.

"Something is bothering you," John said when they were alone, "and I’m pretty sure what it is."

She turned to face him, her dark eyes showing all the worry in her heart. "I-I..." she stuttered.

"John, it’s for you," Patty said getting in again. The blond actor went out and the face of her young sister made her decided to ask, "What’s wrong? And don’t say ‘nothing’ ‘cause I know you and I can say there is something wrong between you and John."

"No," she lied. "Didn’t you see...?"

"Roma..."

The young actress sighed knowing she had lost the battle. "Ok... Today in the woods something happened between John and me... or almost happened to be accurate."

"Is it what I’m thinking about?" Patty said. Seeing her sister nod, she continued, "Oh, my! Don’t tell me! I got right in the moment...! I interrupted you...! Oh, no! He got angry! You had the perfect time and the perfect place and I...!"

"Patty," Roma tried to stop her assumptions. "Patty!" When her sister turned to see her, she said, "You were a little late... I..." the young actress blushed deeply, "I... had already made him stop."

"Why?" Patricia asked. "I mean... I know sometimes you can’t or you don’t want to, but..." She saw her sister remaining quiet and her worry grew up. "He didn’t try to force you to...!"

"Of course not!" Roma almost shouted. "John would never do something like that!"

"Then, what happened?"

"I... I got scared," the actress finally confessed.

"Scared? But, Roma, you love him... don’t you?"

"Yes, I do! I love him!"

"Then how could you be scared of him? I mean... I’ve hardly seem a guy so devoted to someone as he is to you. Man, he crossed an ocean just to wipe your tears away!"

"I know."

"So?"

"Patty, I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt so many things as I do with John... We haven’t made love yet but I only need to kiss him to feel my entire body bursting with happiness and love! But today in the woods..." Some tears had started to glisten in her eyes and now were making their way across her cheeks. "I wanted him so bad first, but all of a sudden I got scared! I felt afraid of losing him one day and I can’t, Patty, I can’t lose him! Not him, not John!" the older sister hugged her and subbed her back soothingly until she stopped sobbing.

"That’s not gonna happen, baby," she said. "He’s crazy for you."

Roma was about to answer but the sound of John’s steps coming back made her clean her eyes quickly and pretend she hasn’t cried, though she felt color draining from her face at the worried expression in his eyes. "What happened?" she asked him.

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders, burring his hands in his pants pockets. "It was Frank. I have to go back tomorrow. Either they start filming tomorrow or they lose the money of the budget."

New tears appeared in the actress’ eyes and for some seconds they remained in silent. "I’ll leave you alone," Patty said at the end. "You need to talk."

"I-I wanted to stay for a while," Roma said when they were alone.

"I’m not asking you to come with me," he replied and immediately regretted the slightly bitter tone as he saw her eyes growing a little wider. "I know you want to stay. Reilly is really happy and you haven’t seen your bothers in a while. Stay here, all the time you want to."

Roma lowered her head and bite her lips trying to control herself. She felt he was angry, he was disappointed... This was a good way to say good bye and no more explanations would be done afterwards. He would simply go back to his normal life before she and Reilly had crossed his path. Her biggest fear, her worst nightmare had become true: she was losing him.

John was so lost in thought that he couldn’t read in her face all this worries until he heard the sob that finally escaped her. "Roma?" he looked at her and didn’t spend another second in holding her tightly. He felt her crying desperately and had some problems to understand what she was saying.

"Please, John, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry! I love you! I promise I will show you! I don’t want to lose you!" she whispered through her tears.

John felt her words as a punch directly to his stomach. "What?!" he asked abruptly, pulling apart and holding her head to make her look at him. "Baby, what are you saying...?"

"I don’t want to lose you, Johnnie! I don’t know how to live without you! Please, forgive me!"

"Roma, no, baby. I have nothing to forgive you," he assured her looking for her eyes. "This has nothing to do with what happened today. How can you expect me to stop loving you in a day if I’ve been in love with you the last eight years?" He cupped her face and kissed her, the sweet taste of her lips mixed with her salty tears. "I won’t leave you, sweetie, not now not ever."

"I love you, John. I love you so much..." she said holding him as if to dear life.

"I love you more than you can imagine, Roma. I’d give anything to erase your doubts... If not going back is what it takes, I won’t go back."

"You can’t stay," she murmured regaining herself. "It’s Frank. Not any other producer but one of your best friends." He remained silent, her words just the reflect of the conflict in his heart. "I know you’d like to stay and so do I, but this time it’s not possible."

"But I can’t go knowing you’re doubting..." She looked at his green eyes, so full of love... She silenced him with a deep kiss that spoke a lot about her own heart. He responded her with the same intensity, wanting to convince her with his kiss of what he had failed with his words. "I’ll be waiting for you, forever," he said when they parted.

"And I always go back to you, John. I promise."

****

Much on the contrary since the blond actor had arrived, dinner that night was quiet and rather sad. Roma helped him to prepare his suitcase and they had decided he would talk to Reilly after dinner. When the little girl started to yawn, John looked at Roma and she nodded in understanding.

"Time for bed for someone," he announced. "Come on, princess, I’ll tuck you in."

"Mommy, will you come kiss me good night?"

"Of course, sweetheart. I’ll be there in a minute."

Patty and Roma washed the dishes and then the actress headed to her daughter’s room. She found the door ajar and she stood there, watching Reilly already dressed in her pink pajamas and cuddled in her uncle’s arms. He was seated on her bed, and from Roma was standing she could hear their conversation.

"But why do you have to go back, uncle Johnnie?"

"Because if I don’t go, your uncle Frank will be in serious trouble, poppet. That’s why I have to go."

"But if you are gone, mommy will be all sad again..."

Roma swallowed at her daughter’s words. True, she’d be sad, she’d be missing him all the time.

John kissed the girl’s forehead. "I know, Reilly, I know," he was having a harder time to explain his departure than he had expected. "I’ll ask you a favor, baby, will you do it?"

Reilly sit up to listen to him as if she was getting a death or life assignment. "I cross my heart."

John smiled moved by her sweet attitude and then told her, "If you see your mommy sad, will you remind her that I love her very, very much?"

"I will," the girl said wrapping her arms around his neck.

Roma felt a tear escaping her eye and cleaned it before she opened the door. "Is my little mermaid ready to sleep?" she asked.

"Yes," Reilly murmured. It was pretty obvious for them that she was very sad as she hardly replied to their ‘good nights’.

The two actors walked along the corridor to Roma’s room in a silence that wasn’t broken until they reached the door. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "I feel as sad as Reilly. I will miss you so much, Johnnie." He kissed the top of her head and said nothing, knowing that if he spoke he’d say he was not going.

They spent hours just holding in the dark of Roma’s room until he finally drifted off to sleep. Still, the young actress’ eyes refused to close and she saw him sleeping. This time his head was over her chest and his arms were circling her small waist pulling her closer to him. She let her hand running monotonously over his short hair and drank in his handsome features. She let her mind fly back to the time they were doing the show. How handsome he had always looked in a tuxedo or in the perfect white suits he had wore as Andrew. Something in his dream made him squeeze his eyes, and the memories of the last episode of the show came back to her: Andrew giving Monica his golden watch, Andrew hugging the new supervisor, and John refusing to release his hold, but especially John wiping his tears unashamedly after the order of ‘cut!’ and she hugging him tightly, lovingly. Her other hand traced the line of his lips barely touching them, and she remembered the first time they had kissed, not after a date but as part of a rehearsal. ‘Netherlands’... she couldn’t watch that episode without replacing in her mind the face of Jeff Yagher for John’s face, his green shinning eyes coming closer to her, his warm lips over hers softly making her tremble inside. Actors play kisses, but she had FELT that one, not as Monica the angel, but as the woman she was, as the woman that had thought she would never felt that way again. After that episode things had changed between them... or maybe even before. Some time ago they had started to look for any casual contact that Andrew and Monica could share, either if it was holding hands or simply stand by each other close together. Most of the time that was not in the script, but any director had complained about it...

Minutes became hours and at some point she got sleep as well, lost in the memories of eight years spent by his side.

****

Roma was sure the clock was working faster that day as the hour John would go to the airport was coming closer. They had looked for every second to be together and so had Reilly. She had seated on her uncle’s lap to have breakfast and had been around him all morning. Even playing with her cousins didn’t interest her that day.

Joseph arrived by midday to say good bye and the sad expression on her sister’s face was nothing but what he had expected. Finally at 1:00 p.m. a taxi stopped by the gate and the blond actor had to take leave of everyone. Shaking hands with Joseph and hugging Patty was the easy part; Roma and Reilly were the hardest ones. The Irish actress’ eyes were bright with tears when their gazes met. "Enjoy these days, ok?" he asked stroking her cheek. "I’ll call you when I arrive home."

"Please, take care," she murmured though the lump in her throat. "I love you."

"I love you too, very much," he said and leaned down to kiss her.

He then knelt to hug Reilly. The little girl wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Bye, bye, baby doll. I’ll see you soon," he said.

"Don’t go, uncle Johnnie," Reilly begged starting to whimper.

"Honey, we talk about this. I can’t stay," he replied trying to free himself from her hug.

"Then I want to go with you!" she shouted struggling to keep on holding him. "Please, I want to go with you!"

"But, baby, you will stay with your mommy."

"Please, mommy, let’s go with uncle Johnnie!" Reilly turned to see her mother through her teary eyes.

"Reilly, I thought you were happy here," Roma said crouching beside her daughter. "We’re staying some days more."

"I don’t want to!! I want to go back with uncle Johnnie!!!" she cried still holding him tightly.

"Come on, baby doll, I’ll see you in some days," John offered standing up at the same time than Roma and handling her the crying girl.

"No!!!! Don’t go, please!!!" she shouted as he started to walk.

"Shh... Reilly, please, don’t cry!" Roma tried to calm her daughter down though she was crying too. It broke her heart to see her baby suffering just as much as it broke John’s heart, who still turned to look at them before getting into the taxi.

"Don’t go!!! Uncle Johnnie, don’t go!!!" she still shouted when the car started to go.

"Reilly, baby, calm down!" Roma kept on asking her daughter. "We’ll see him soon!"

"Why did you let him go?!" the girl asked angrily to her mother and struggled to be released from her hold.

"Reilly..."

"You said we’re a family and your family never leaves you!!!" she yelled running into the house.

"Reilly!" Roma said. She turned to see her brother and sister with tears in her eyes.

"I’m sorry, Roma," Patty said, "but I agree with her. Why did you let him go?"

"I never thought she’d take it so bad."

"What did you expect?" Joseph interrupted her. "She sees John as her father and for her, her father has just run away from her."

"But we’ll be seeing him in a few days..."

"When exactly?" the priest asked.

"I don’t know..."

"Why did you stay, Roma?"

"Joseph!"

"I agree with him," Patty said. "Why did you stay?"

"I thought you were happy to see me..."

"Don’t misunderstand us. Of course we’re happy to see you, but my guess is that you stayed because you’re afraid."

"Patty!"

"You told me you were afraid of losing him, but you’re also afraid of having him!"

"Your daughter has just told you: you’re a family. We’ll always be your brothers and sister, but you’ve gotten another family too, your own family," Joseph added. "I’m sorry to say it this way but you have nothing to do here when that man that loves you so much needs you by his side. Ireland is not going anywhere and you can come on vacation any time."

"That’s right," Patty agreed. "Your rooms will always be ready and waiting... Though I think next time I’ll only prepare one for you and John," she blinked an eye and chuckled when she saw her little sister blushing. "He loves you, baby," the older woman said wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "he’s been there for you all these years, it’s more than fair that you stay there for him this time."

Roma remained quiet for some seconds and then met her brother’s eyes. "I’ll take you to the airport," he said.

****

Reilly was still crying when Roma got to her room. She walked towards the bed, took a seat and started to com her daughter’s hair. "You were right, Reilly," she said in a calm voice, "we should’ve not let uncle Johnnie go back alone."

"I want to go with him," the girl replied, her face still buried in her pillow.

"I know, baby, and that’s what we’re doing."

Reilly sit up quickly and looked at her mother still surprised. "Really?"

The young actress smiled and nodded. "Yes, sweetheart, as soon as you get all your things ready."

****

It took them barely 15 min. to get ready, say good bye and go to the airport. Reilly’s eyes were bright with joy once more when about an hour later, she hugged her uncle. "Bye, sweetheart, I hope you’ll be back soon."

"Bye, uncle Joseph. Will you go visit us sometime?"

"I’ll do, baby doll," he said kissing her head. "But while I go, take care of your mom, ok?"

"Ok."

Joseph hugged his sister tightly. "Go, Roma, be happy," he told her simply.

"I will, ‘father brother’, thank you," she answered, her eyes bright with happy tears.

Roma and Reilly walked to the waiting room of the gate where they were supposed to take the plane. The actress looked around trying to find John but he was nowhere in sight. She sighed and thought that maybe he had chosen another air line to go home. Anyway they were going to California and in case they didn’t find him here, it wouldn’t take more than one hour by car to arrive to the set where he’d be. Suddenly, Reilly’s yell made her turn. "Uncle Johnnie!!" the girl said running to the surprised actor.

"Reilly! What’s happening? Why are you here...?" but he then lifted his eyes and saw what he hadn’t even dared to imagine. He walked slowly as his smile grew wider. He saw her opening her arms and wasted no time in holding her tightly. "What are you doing here?" he murmured, his face buried in her sweet smelling hair.

"We’re a family," she said, "and your family doesn’t leave you when you need them the most."

"But you wanted to stay," he argued caressing her cheek tenderly. "You don’t have to sacrifice for me, baby, I’ll be all right and I’ll be waiting..."

"I would sacrifice myself if I stayed without you. I love you," she said placing a hand over his and leaning over his touch.

"I love you too," he replied kissing her tenderly.

"Yay!!" Reilly shouted when she saw them kissing.

Both actors chuckled at her joy. John crouched to take her in his arms. "Let’s go home, uncle Johnnie," the little girl said.

John smiled and then leaned down again to kiss Roma. "You’re right, sweetheart, let’s go home," he agreed and taking his girlfriend’s hand, they started to walk as a voice in the sound system announced: "Passengers to Los Angeles, California airport, in the United States, please come in to board to gate number six..."