1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays
   outside in a specially built wooden compartment named,
   for very good reason, the dog house.
  
   2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for
   short visits or if his own house is under renovation.
  
   3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent
   basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard
   sale to a rookie dog owner.
  
   4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free
   and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.
  
   5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal
   along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog
   can go wherever he pleases.
  
   6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
  
   7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not
   the new furniture.
  
   8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until
   it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the
   whole works and buy new furniture...upon which the
   dog will most definitely not be allowed.
  
   9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
  
   10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
  
   11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not
   allowed under the covers.
  
   12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not
   with his head on the pillow.
  
   13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the
   covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores
   he's got to leave the room.
  
   14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have
   nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on
   the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping.
   That's just not fair.
  
   15. The dog never gets listed on the census
   questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.   
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