Episode 4: Rocket in His Pocket

In the Continuing Story of Bill the Semi-Heroic and Slightly Unethical.

Bill was a fairly nice guy. He didnt like evil and preferred to stay away from drugs and stuff. He had a problem though and it was the constant threat of evil on Earth.

Bill knew a lot about weapons. Especially nukes, he had used one once before. But they were diffficult to come by. He often maintained a professional attitude on the exterior, but inside it was often panic during stressful times. Bill worked at the new nuclear power plant in Alaska, Texas. There one day something bad happened.

One day a new gauge appeared. It had no label and was digital. It read zero all the time. Bill was concerned but not by too much. Then the gauge started reading stuff. Symbols not commonly known of were seen. Then a bright flash. Suddenly the reactor output dropped off. There was no longer any reactor fuel!

Bill knew it would be his ass today if the fuel got stolen. So he scrambled up to the roof to see what the hell was going on. A lot happened on the roof. There he saw Mario and Luigi, those morons from Nintendo. He pulled out his Uzi and began firing. Bill had guns with him at the most inappropiate times, but he told himself it would pay off someday, even after all that jail time. He soon ran out of bullets, for he also used his gun at the most inappropiate times. (like shooting lights to turn them off.) But he killed Luigi, which is why he rarely appears in games anymore. Mario, who would later quit due to the ethical conflicts and because he simply wasnt as popular, dropped the fuel as he ran off, shouting "Nintendo will be back someday." That was 1994.

Y2K: Bill has had many hilarious adventures since killing Luigi, many of them revolving around his inappropiate use of guns. He still worked at the plant, keeping it fueled and well watered. Finally some guy fixed that one gauge (it was supposed to be an intruder alert) so when the baddies came he was prepared. Not waiting he scrambled up to the roof, where he expected to find Mario the Fatass. Maybe it was Sonic the Speed Addict. Maybe it was even Drunk Poetaetoe the Irishman (a failed P.R. plug for Ireland). In anycase, Bill still packed Uzi.

He found... Team Rocket. A new face. Hopefully they bring toys more fun than mushrooms and flowers (I think mario's on drugs, not sure.) like bazookas, AK-47's and Vodka. Bill was surprised. This was a radical new approach, clearly formulated for the 2K's: James, the transvestite homosexual (a regular on Jerry Springer), possibly having a love affair with: Meowth, the Garfield ripoff. Jesse, the prostitute trailer trash w/ breast implants and lipo' round the waist. Bill was going to watch himself, he had to be careful not to hit Jesse. Dead people arent particularly receptive to advances, as Bill found out in Night of The Turnip. Bill also learned himself about a bunch of laws concerning dead people.

"Prepare for-"

"Yeah ive heard your stupid motto before. Shut up, make your demands, an let me slaughter you."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Jesse

Uhoh, dont piss off Jesse too much. May reduc chances of success. thought Bill

"I meant brilliant! a brilliant piece of poetry, but I dont have time."

"Oh, thats better."

"What do you want?" demanded Bill

"Your plutonium." replied Jesse

"Do I get a date?"

"Well, James is booked throughout the week with Meowth..."

"I meant you"

Jesse was startled by this. Most people were too shy to even approach her cuz she was a scary lady (what with the paper fan and all... damn things hurt), but then again most men dont pack Uzis around. She figured what have I got to lose?

"OK, plutonium for three dates."

"Ill bring it up. You work out times."

The next day, Bill was visited at his house by Jesse. She was dressed in the usual uniform, but she brought vodka. They did have better toys. She also brought a purse, but it was closed.

After some heavy talk and small drinking (sorry, other way round), Jesse was drunk. Bill was more tolerant of alcohol, plus he had diluted his drink.

Jesse welcomed his advances. As they were intimate, Bill secretly worked a video camera. He wanted to remember this for a long time.

The next time Team Rocket came for plutonium, Bill said he wanted more dates. Jesse declined, saying she was pregnant. But then James (who seemed to be on drugs also) piped up: "No shes not, shes just using that as an excuse to quit having sex"

"But why?"

"Because i've found someone else."

"WHO?"

".....Meowth!"

"You lying two-timer!" shouted James

"It... it.... it was.. rape! yeah thats it!" protested Meowth

Just then Bill (who was upset) shot Meowth up real bad. Not much left of him. He turned to Jesse and said:"Meowth's gone. Want sex?"

"No!"

"Oh, too bad."

Bill shot them all up and violated those laws he learned about in Night of The Turnip. He taped that too.

Thus evil was postponed, but they just recloned Team Rocket. But they forgot about that particular plan so they didnt try it again. So I suppose this is the End of: Rocket in His Pocket.

Continued in Episode 5: Pik –achoo!

End