Episode Six: Snowball’s Chance In Hell

In the Continuationing Series of Bill the Semi-Heroic and Slightly Unethical

I think so, Brain, but where will we find a duck and a hose at this hour?

Bill was having one of those “days”. He was sick. So he stayed home and watched TV. He was sick of watching Campy’s Hour, a hilariously psychotic show about talking ducks and drunken pigs, so he decided to watch the news; which was often a hilariously psychotic show about drunken ducks and talking pigs. Instead something else was on.

“This is Snowball the Hamster. You may recognize me as a guest star on Pinky and The Brain, and also as your briefly world dictator. I am once again making my bid for world domination. If you care about any of the following things, please send your vote for me as world dictator to the United Nations, where they have agreed to give me world power if at least five billion people vote for me. These are the things:

Money, The Internet, Education for your Children…”

This was incredible. Nearly every popular cause was on here. Snowball was sure to get the votes. Bill decided he should at least try to convince Snowball to stop. But he didn’t think it would be so bad if he ruled the world. Bill eventually decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

Snowball won with over 34 billion votes, proving some cheating was involved in the process. Bill didn’t see any changes. He had heard something about a new prison systam, but he didn’t know what that was about. He decided to go and ask Snowball.

“Rather simply, I have created a little pocket of Hell on Earth. Instead of going to expensive prisons, you get to go to my Hell which is self supporting through farming, and all other sorts of stuff.”

“Do you have to stay there forever?”

“Oh no, just normal prison terms.”

“What about non-religious people?”

“Hell is an equal opputunity employer and punisher.”

Bill didn’t see anything wrong with this so he went home.

The next day, Bill was arrested for being too ‘educated’. He was taken to Hell, but they didn’t do a very good job of keeping him wrapped up. He pulled out his Uzi and began blasting up the guards. Unfortunately, they were immortal demons, on temp service.

“Well you sure don’t look like a happy camper. Got his Uzi and what-not, eh?”

“I just wanted to get out…”

“Aw, poor little thing. Well since he tried so hard, let’s let him go, OK?”

HM, the other grunted.

“You’re free to go.”

“Thanks.”

(This dialogue paid for by the Coalition to Stop Demonization of Demons.)

Bill went home, and started watching TV again. He saw the news.

“Snowball, our previously supreme dictator of Earth, has fallen. We suspect treachery from his underlings…”

Bill knew that it was Pinky and The Brain at work. He decided they would make good world dictators. He continued to watch the TV.

(damn we blew the budget on Hell. Uh, run something else…)

The series will continue on in Episode 7: Evil Bill

But for now, we will run some filler due to the special FX budget going way too over.

Shirt slogans we need…

· A cigar in the bush is worth two in the mouth.

· Sticking with fooling some of the people all of the time guarantees you a steady income.

· Men must come from monkeys because many of us are still obsessed with our bananas. However, women must come from parrots because many of them are still screeching all of the time.

· If it’s a crime to have intelligence, I probably deserve the electric chair. You, on the other hand, have nothing to worry about.

· No evidence, no witnesses, no crime.

· If you think it’s easy being intelligent, you’re either too lazy or too stupid.

· When did you escape from jail?

· You know you’re a redneck when you cant count to your IQ, but you have enough fingers for the job.

· You look like you could use a global dictator.

· You know you’re a redneck if you shot Santa Claus, and Pa’s been gone ever since…