“Secrets”
Brian’s POV
I walk into the diner and notice everybody sitting down at our normal booth. Of course that doesn’t surprise me. My eyes glance to the counter, or more like what’s behind the counter. I try not to be obvious but I know to anybody watching they would know I was looking for him. Yeah I’m looking for Justin, the blonde twink who totally fucked up my life in so many ways. Part of me is glad he’s moved on with the fucking fiddler, shows me that he’s grown up and a part of growing up is leaving what’s comfortable for something you really want. But then there is the other part of me who is still so fucking pissed at him. There are nights when I’m alone in bed that I really miss him. Of course I would never admit that to anybody, but I’m sure if they were around me every second of they day they would see it. Sure, we’ve talked off and on over the last few months but the conversations are awkward. We don’t have much to say to each other anymore, and plus talking was never all that big in our fucked up relationship as it was. I sit down on the booth next to Michael and flip over my coffee mug. I'm ready for all their questions to start. It was a Monday morning and it seems like everybody always wants to know what the great Brian Kinney did over the weekend.
“Don’t you look bright and chipper this morning.” Ted says to me, smiling as he takes a sip of his coffee.
Emmett elbows him in the ribs and then turns to me with concern in his eyes. “Why the long face Brian. Didn’t get to fuck all the guys you wanted?”
I glare at them and take a sip of my coffee that I hadn’t even noticed Justin had come by and given to me. Fuck, I must be really out of it if I didn’t even notice Justin was that close to me. And no, it’s not because I had some great magnificent fuck last night, or any time over the weekend. I spent most of my time slaving over a campaign for toilet paper. Sounds pretty fucking special doesn’t it.
“Maybe he just had a bad night.” That’s Mikey talking now. Yeah, just like good old Mikey, ready to save the day. I look down at my watch and notice I have half an hour till I have to be at work and I’m fucking starving.
“Where the hell is the service in this place? I haven’t even ordered yet.” I exclaim looking around the diner.
Dan comes running over with confusion written all over his face. “What got your jock strap in a twist? You never order more then coffee on Monday mornings.”
Oh yeah I forgot about that one. Well, I can’t help it that I’m actually hungry for once, and not hung over. “Yeah well today I’m hungry so can I have two eggs scrambled, four pieces of bacon, hash browns and two pancakes?”
I turn to look around the table and see three mouths dropped open. “Guys, close your mouths before you let flies in.”
“Brian I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat so much.” Mikey exclaims looking at me with even more worried eyes then Emmett had earlier.
Shrugging I take another sip of my coffee. “I’m just hungry what’s the fucking deal?”
Justin’s POV
I watch him order all that food and seriously know something is up. I’ve seen Brian like that once. I had walked in on him PMSing like crazy. All he wanted to eat was sugar, so I sat there watching him eat a dozen donuts. It was actually pretty humorous at the time but not when he was puking it up later that night. Now here I am watching him pretty much scarf down this humungous breakfast in seconds flat with the rest of the gang watching with open mouths. I would be lying if I said my own wasn’t doing the same thing. I’m shaken out of my thoughts when Dan comes over and elbows me.
“What the fuck is going on with Brian.” He asks as if I knew, as if I still keep tabs on my ex boyfriend. Well, ok I kind of do but not enough to actually know what’s going on in his life. Hell, I don’t think I would of known that enough when I was fucking living with him.
So as an answer to his question I just shrug and go off to bust more tables. As I clean a table next to his I watch as he puts down money and gets up to leave. Taking a deep breath I throw my rag on the table and follow him out. I may not be his boyfriend anymore but I sure hope he could still see me has a friend. Practically running to catch up with him I put an arm on his shoulder.
“Bri, wait up.”
He turns around to look at me actually shocked to see me standing behind him.
“What do you want Justin. I’m late for work.”
Sighing I look down at my feet for a second. I really need to stop running up to people before I really know what I’m going to say.
“I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I saw you in there, and well I knew that wasn’t normal behavior.”
He rolls his eyes at me and keeps on walking. I know I shouldn’t follow but since when was I smart when it came to Brian Kinney?
“Brian come on talk to me please. Maybe now that we aren’t together anymore you’ll finally open up.”
I have to stop so quickly to not bump into him as he stops in the middle of the sidewalk. I’m a little scared when he turns around and looks at me.
“I’m fine…so leave me the fuck alone, and tell that to everybody else too.” With that he is walking quickly down the sidewalk and this time I don’t follow him.
I watch him go and mutter to myself. “You’re not getting away that easy Brian. I know something is up.”
Brian’s POV
I walk into the loft around 8pm. It has been a very long day. Had back-to-back meetings with clients and then after all that was finished I had to go shopping. Yes, you heard me right I said I HAD to go shopping. It’s just nothing I own fits me anymore. I’m wearing the only suit that I have that for some reason I got it a little too big. Sighing I throw the bag of clothes onto the bed and strip out of my suit. I wish I could just put on my favorite jeans and tank top but those don’t fit anymore either. So, instead I throw on a pair of baggy light gray sweats and a t-shirt before I start to put away the items I brought. Four suits with matching shirts, and of course ties to go with them. Once those are all put away I pull out what’s on the bottom a little baby sweater I saw that I just couldn’t pass up, defiantly too small for Gus now that he’s two, but just the right size….
A knock on the door distracts me and I throw the sweater back in the bag. Looking over my appearance I groan. There is no way to hide the evadable. I make my way to the door and pull it open. There on the other side is the last person I wanted to see.
“Justin what are you doing here?”
He looks me right in the eye, and then pushes past me into the loft. “I came to talk to you, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
I stand still in front of the door for a second before I turn around to see Justin walking around the loft, looking at everything as if trying to find some sort of sign to why I’ve been acting so weird. He’s looking everywhere but the place he should be looking, which is right at me. He finally lands on the couch and turns around to look at me.
“Please Brian, come talk to me.”
There is that pleading tone in his voice that I could never resist before and still can’t. I walk over to the couch and sit down on the opposite end, praying to god he will leave before he takes a good look at me, or my fucked up body does something to give me away.
“Justin, I told you before nothing is wrong. I was just hungry this morning, since when was that a crime?”
He starts to think about that for a second and sighs. “It isn’t.”
I close my eyes and feel my resolve slipping. I can’t help but have feelings for the blonde young man.
“Thank you for being worried, but I’m really alright. You can go home to the fiddle player now and have your happy little life.” I say with a bit more hurt and pain in my voice then I would have liked.
It’s his turn to look down cast and I automatically know something has happened even before he says it.
“Ethan and I are no more.” He says it so quietly I’m sure I heard him wrong. He looks so sad, and that makes me mad. What did the little fucker do to him? How could anybody hurt him like that?
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
He turns and looks at me for the first time, I suck in a deep breath, this isn’t good. He needs to stop looking at me before he finds out.
“You’re not sorry. You wanted things to get fucked up from the beginning. You wanted to prove to me I was being stupid, running to him when I had you to begin with.” He exclaims and stands up, tears forming in his eyes.
Oh fuck me dead! This isn’t good at all. Please don’t have him cry. My hormones are fucked up enough as it is. I know for a fact I can’t stand here and watch him cry without doing the same. Hell watching the Snuggle fabric softener commercial gets me into hysterical sobs. Taking another deep breath I stand up and move closer to him.
“That isn’t what I wanted and you know it. Sure, having you here with me would have been great but I’ve NEVER wanted you to be unhappy.” I yell back as tears come falling down my cheeks, before his fell, yeah, just great the day that Justin Taylor finally figures out how to hold in his emotions mine fucking spill over.
Justin’s POV
What the hell is going on? Brian is fucking crying. He tries to tell me nothing is wrong but now I know for a fact something is. I step back and look at him. I mean really look at him. That’s when I notice the very unBrian like clothes. I don’t remember a time when Brian wore anything baggy. Everything had to fit to perfection, but now here he is dressed in baggy sweats and a normal t-shirt that I never knew he owned. But that isn’t the part that gets me, makes me wonder. Under that baggy shirt I can still see his stomach touch the top.
“What the fuck is going on here!” Ok, did I just say that out loud? I know I must have by the look of pure terror he got on his face. Ok Justin seriously you have got to calm down before he runs out of his own home because you scared him to death. That idea alone is weird, knowing that I have to be careful or Brian will run away, but that’s exactly how he looks right now. Taking a deep breath I try that again.
“Brian, please tell me what’s going on. Why are you wearing those clothes? Why are you crying? What the hell are you hiding from me?”
He sucks in a deep breath and looks down at his feet. Oh great he’s crying again. I’m not sure I can handle a crying Brian Kinney. But even though I don’t think I can I walk to him and lift his chin to look at me. “Please Brian.”
The look of fear that he gives me is heartbreaking. I move my hands to his shoulders and rub them softly. Why is Brian acting this way? I ask myself for the hundredth time since I’ve been in the loft.
His hands move between us and for some reason I back away as if I thought he was going to touch me in a sexual way, but instead he does something I wasn’t expecting. His hands go and rest on his stomach. The way he rubs it, is like he’s trying to sooth it. Was he acting this way because of a stomachache? But then it all hits me full in the face. Holy fucking shit. I look at him with pure shock on my face. “Are you? I mean…” I can’t even say it.
Brian smiles big and I can’t help but actually smile back as he nods at me. He knew what I was trying to say.
“God Damn Brian. I never would have though.” I say laughing.
He laughs back and shrugs. “Neither did I.”
“How far along are you?”
“Five months.”
The happiness from my face vanishes just like that. Five months? That can’t be right we were still together five months ago. Yeah sure I knew he was out fucking around, but he never let anybody fuck him. He even told me that once. Nobody but me had been inside. What a fucking liar!
“You lied to me!” I scream at him and back up towards the door.
His eyes go wide in confusion. “I what?”
“You told me you never let anybody fuck you, but obviously you did. So you lied to me!”
He smiles at me and I’m sure I glare back at him. “Don’t smile at me; Why the fuck are you smiling?”
Then he laughs, which really makes me mad.
“Would you just stop and listen to yourself for fuck sake. I’m telling you that I didn’t lie, which means I didn’t let anybody else fuck me, but yeah here I am standing in front of you obviously pregnant. Would you stop being such a stupid fuck and think for a second.”
I didn’t do what he said until I rushed to the door, when I reached the sliding door that is when it hit me, this time right in the gut. “Holy shit.” I whisper and turn around to look at Brian who is now standing right behind me. “You mean?”
He nods and bits his bottom lip. “Yeah, you did this to me you little twat.” He said pointing at his stomach.
That was the last thing I remember before the world went black.
