Author: Steph
E-mail: cwlystep@aol.com
Date: 11/15/03
Rating: PG-13
Category: Song Fic
Disclaimer: I don’t know anybody that has to do with Showtime or this show. The characters (not their fake names) are not mine they belong to Cowlip productions and I’m not trying to steel them. This story is for your reading and my writing enjoyment.
Summary: its three months after the “Rage” party and Brian is hiding something that Justin is determined to find out.
Perfect
I will always remember the day you found out my secret. You insisted it was just a faze and that I was going to grow out of it. I tried to make you understand that it wasn’t and this was who I grew up to be. You told me my lifestyle was disgusting and that I was wasting my time. But how in the world were you supposed to really understand? Why did you have to place judgment when you just didn’t understand?
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
A few months later I almost do something stupid. I almost gave up my dream of going to Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts because I thought it would save us. I had just found out you and mom were getting a divorce. Things had been perfect up until you found out I was gay, so it was my fault right? I almost went to Dartmouth because I thought it would make you proud. You wanted me to be a business man like you were. But once again you just didn’t understand, I’m not like you and you can’t change me…I don’t want you to change me.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I stood up for you so many times. Tried to love you no matter what. You’re my father; I’m supposed to love you. Brian tired to tell me I was being stupid, when I couldn’t get over what you had done. We used to do so much together; you used to be so proud of me. How can one thing change what we had? You were my hero, but so quickly how things can change. Those happy times are so far away. I’m not your son anymore.
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
I can’t fight anymore; I don’t have anything left in me. It’s been almost twenty years since you found out, and you haven’t said more then a few words to me. Why did things have to turn out like this? Why can’t you understand how so badly I want to be your son? I’m never going to be good enough for you and at this point in time I never expect to be. I’m no longer your son, and you’re no longer my father.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Mom says you want to talk to me, but it’s been too long. How can you expect things to change? Nothing is going to make what you did to me right again. You turned your back on me years ago, and there is no going back. How did it become so hard to talk to you? Why wouldn’t you just try to understand?
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I will go to my grave and still I won’t forgive you. You were my father and you turned your back on me. A father doesn’t do that to his son, no matter what. Who gives a fuck I’m not what you wanted me to be. I will always be your queer son no matter how hard you try, so why don’t you get over it already? Would it hurt your perfect reputation so much to love your own son? I’m not sorry I’m Gay, but I am damn sorry you don’t see me as being perfect.
Song: Simple Plan “Perfect”
