Chapter Fifteen National Lampoons BSB Camping Trip March 25th 2003 “No way, there is no way you are getting me to do that.”  Exclaimed Howie. Vanessa sighed.  “Come on, I want to go camping.  I always go camping this time of year with my cousins.  Since she moved and isn’t coming until next week, I want to go camping with you.” “I’ve only been camping once in my life, and that was not my best experience.” “What are you two fighting about now?”  Asked Marshall as he walked into the room. “Vanessa wants to take me camping.” AJ laughed also walking into the room.  “Ha Ha, that’s so funny, Howie Dorough camping.” Howie glared at AJ.  “I’d like to see you camping Bone.  You get scared in a park.” It was AJ’s turn to glare at Howie. Vanessa just sat back and laughed. In the last week her and Howie had gotten really close.  They spent almost every hour possible together.  That was when he wasn’t busy in the studio and she wasn’t in school or working at the grade school.  Oh yeah and she was very strong on making sure he went home every night. No sleepovers, even if all they did was sleep.  There relationship was going fast in the sense they had grown extremely close in the last week, but not sexually. “Come on guys, why don’t we all go camping.  Just the five of us.  I bet I could get you guys to like it.”  Said Vanessa trying to get the guys to give in. “I’m four months pregnant. I don’t think camping is a good idea.”  Said AJ proud of himself for coming up with that excuse. “Sorry buddy but its not going to work.  My mom went camping when she was pregnant with my sisters and me. Everything was fine.  So you gota come up with something better then that.” AJ looked at Marshall and Marshall shrugged. “I think it might be kind of fun, Aje.  I’ve never actually been camping. What could it hurt?” ****@***** “Marshall, did you pack the toiletries in the car already?”  Yelled AJ from the bathroom. “Yeah, they are in the big suitcase.” AJ groaned.  “My pills were in that case, and I need them Marsh.” “Why in the world did you put them in there already?  You knew we weren’t leaving before you had to take your ten o’clock dose.”  This camping trip was already turning out to be a disaster, and they hadn’t even left the house yet. “I wasn’t thinking alright.  God you don’t have to yell at me.”  Exclaimed AJ marching out of the room. Marshall sighed and walked after AJ.  “Alex, come on don’t start off this trip all moody.” AJ glared at Marshall.  “I think you are the one being moody.” “Marshall, can you come down here and help me get the tent in the car?”  Came Vanessa’s voice from the bottom of the stairs. Marshall looked at AJ.  “You lucked out, with that last comment.” *****@***** “Slug bug, yellow.”  Called Hailie happily slugging Vanessa in the arm, as a yellow Volkswagen beetle drove down the highway. Vanessa laughed.  “You are way to good at this game.” AJ looked out the window and groaned. They were in the middle of nowhere.  Moving around in his seat he tired to get comfortable. Marshall looked at AJ out of the corner of his eye.  “Would you stop fidgeting around.” Howie looked at Vanessa, AJ and Marshall had been at each other’s throats since they left the house two hours ago. “What’s gotten into them?”  Whispered Vanessa.  “They are normally so happy.” Howie shrugged and looked back out the window. He was determined to catch up in the slug bug game. AJ moved around again.  “Marsh, I have to go to the bathroom.” Marshall shook his head.  “We just stopped less then half an hour ago. I’m not stopping again.” AJ looked at Marshall in shock.  “Excuse me?” “I said we are not stopping, you are a grown man you can hold it longer then twenty minutes.” “Marshall, he’s pregnant.”  Said Howie. “Yeah, Marsh, how would you like it if you had a little person standing on your bladder.”  Exclaimed Vanessa “OK, fine whatever, but we aren’t going to get to the camp site on time now.”  Said Marshall pulling over to the side of the road so AJ could get out. Vanessa giggled. “What the fuck is so funny?” She continued to laugh.  “You sure sound like a dad.” Marshall glared at her.  “I am a dad.” “Yeah, but not to AJ.  You are supposed to be supportive of him Marsh.” Marshall just glared at Vanessa and looked out the window waiting for AJ to come back. *****@***** “Hold up a second guys, I’ve got something in my shoe.”  Called Howie before he sat down on a log on the side of the trail. Vanessa who as leading the way stopped causing Marshall and AJ to run into each other. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?”  Exclaimed AJ walking farther away from Marshall. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” “Would you two just shut up and stop acting like little kids.”  Said Howie walking up to where Vanessa was.  “How much father to where we are going to set up camp?” “We just need to make it to that clearing over there.” She said pointing to a clearing that looked to be only a few minutes away. “Well, lets get moving then.” *****@***** Hailie sat watching her adults put up the tents.  Vanessa and Howie were doing a great job.  But Marshall and AJ was a different story. “Would you stop pulling on the pole! I can’t stick it into the little hole if you are pulling on it.”  Said Marshall in exasperation. “If you would pull on the fabric of the tent a little more you could get it into the hole.”  AJ argued back. Marshall dropped his half of the tent.  “Fine, if you think you are so smart you can do it yourself.”  With that he stormed off towards the direction he knew the creek was. AJ flopped to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest.  Why was Marshall acting this way? He couldn’t help that he was moody, that he had to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes, and that he didn’t know how to put up a tent.  Slowly he let all his pent up emotions out.  Tears falling freely from his brown eyes. “AJ?” He looked up to see Howie staring down at him. Howie sat down next to AJ and pulled his crying friend into his arms.  “Shhh is ok.” AJ let out all his frustration on Howie’s shoulder. Finally after a few minutes he pulled back.  “Where did Marshall go?  He doesn’t know these woods, what if he gets lost?” Howie shook his head.  His friend is in love there is no doubt in that.  Only somebody really in love would think about the other person’s well being when he or she were mad at him or her. “Don’t worry, Vanessa went after him.” AJ smiled.  “She’s a great girl Howie. Howie nodded and smiled.  “I agree.” *****@***** Marshall was sitting on a rock looking out at the water when he heard somebody come walking towards him. “Its beautiful here isn’t it.”  Said Vanessa as she sat down next to Marshall. Marshall merely nodded and whipped the tears from his face.  “Why do I have to be such a fucking idiot all the time.” Vanessa put her arms around Marshall and hugged him.  “You’re not an idiot, you’re human.” Marshall turned to look at Vanessa.  “I know he can’t help being moody and stubborn and flat out weird sometimes. But I still let it get to me, when I really should just humor him.” “Marshall, I’m sure every expectant father has the same problems as you are having.  Maybe you should get together with Kevin and Nick, I’m sure they are having the same troubles.” Marshall smiled.  “That’s a good idea.” “I try.” Marshall got up off the rock and started to walk away.  Turning around he smiled again.  “Thanks a lot Vanessa.” *****@***** “Hey Hailie, do you wana go for a walk with me?”  Called Vanessa as she joined the rest of the guys back at the campsite.  She was happy to see that Marshall and AJ were sitting down talking, ok maybe talking wasn’t right, but they were making up. Hailie smiled and ran to Vanessa.  “Sure!” “Howie, I’m gunna go take Hailie for a walk. Can you stay here and make sure those two don’t kill each other.” She said pointing at the two kissing men sitting on the ground. Howie groaned.  “You mean I get to see them making out all afternoon?” Vanessa laughed.  “That, or you could help them set up their tent.” She said starting to walk down the path with Hailie.  Turning around she yelled.  “Oh yeah and could you guys start a fire, we’re gunna want to eat when we get back.” *****@***** Howie, Marshall, and AJ sat back to look at their handy work. “I can’t believe it guys but I think we got the tent set up.”  Said AJ happily. Marshall smiled.  “It sure looks that way.”  Getting up off the ground he brushed off his pants.  “Now what else did Vanessa tell us to do?” “I think she said something about a fire.” Marshall groaned.  “Do any of you know how to make a fire?” AJ and Howie shook their heads. “Well this is just great.” *****@***** “Vanessa, do you love Howie?”  Asked Hailie Vanessa turned to the small girl.  How was she supposed to answer that question.  Part of her loved him the day they met, and the other part of her was still too scared to let her heart take over her brain.  Sighing she stopped and kneeled down next to Hailie so they were eye to eye. “I have strong feelings for Howie, but I’m not sure what those feeling are right now.” Hailie looked at Vanessa and smiled.  “You will love him, I know you will.” Vanessa shook her head and laughed.  “How come you are such an expert in love?” Hailie giggled.  “Daddy says I’m just good at reading people, whatever that means.” Taking Hailie’s hand.  “Well, your daddy’s right.  You are a special little girl Hailie. Now, what do you say that we go back to the campsite and make sure nobody killed each other?” Hailie’s face turned sad. “Do you think daddy and papa are still fighting?” Vanessa sighed and tried to smile.  She knew things weren’t perfect between Marshall and AJ.  But things are never easy when you are trying to adjust to something new.  “Do you remember when I told you how your daddy and papa are scared about the new baby?” Hailie nodded. “Well, sometimes when grown men get scared, they pretend they are mad at each other, and they both don’t want to admit they are wrong.” Hailie giggled.  “Daddy never thinks he’s wrong.” Vanessa laughed too.  “I don’t think that’s something your daddy wanted me to know about.” Both girls walked the rest of the way to the campsite in silence.  Both thinking about different things.  Hailie stopped walking and started to laugh.  Vanessa looked over to what Hailie was looking at and started to laugh too.  “What in the world are you guys doing?”  She said. Howie, Marshall and AJ all looked up with guilty expressions on their faces. “We were just doing what you told us to do.”  Said Howie. Vanessa looked down at the pile of twigs sitting on the ground, and Marshall who was still rubbing two larger sticks together.  “And what exactly did I tell you guys to do?” “Make a fire what does it look like?”  Said AJ getting all defensive. Vanessa couldn’t help it anymore and started to laugh uncontrollably. She couldn’t even stop when all the men turned to her with angry eyes.  “I’m…s…sorry…but…y…you guys…are…s…so…funny!”  She said through hiccups. AJ tried not to laugh himself as he looked down at the pile of twigs.  “Its not that funny.” Marshall smiled and started to laugh.  “Actually she’s right we must look like idiots.” Howie started laughing too.  “Hey, we’re musicians not outdoors men.” Vanessa finally got herself together and took a deep breath.  “Ok, could you guys at least try to explain to me how you were planning on making this into a fire?” “We’ve got the sticks.”  Said Howie. “Yeah, and Marshall was trying to make a spark by rubbing those other sticks together.”  Said AJ pointing at the sticks in Marshall’s hands. “You guys! We’re not in the Stone Age!  We packed matches for a reason you know.”  Exclaimed Vanessa hitting herself in the forehead for good measure.  “When you guys said you weren’t outdoorsmen you were right.” Howie walked over to Vanessa and put his arms around her waist. “You still like me though right.  Even though I don’t know how to make a fire or set up a tent.” Vanessa giggled. “I guess you will have to do.  You have to be good for something else.” *****@***** Later that night after dinner was cleaned up and it had gotten dark outside all five of them sat around the campfire telling stories. “Ok, Hai, it’s your turn to tell a story. And then it’s off to bed.”  Said Marshall. Hailie smiled.  “You mean I get to tell a story?” Marshall nodded. Hailie’s face scrunched up for a second showing the adults she was thinking really hard about what she was going to say. “Once upon a time, there lived this little girl named Amy.  Amy was a pretty little girl with brown hair and brown eyes. One day Amy was walking her dog down the street when she noticed a little boy who was also walking his dog.  The dogs didn’t like each other very much so they ate each other.”  The adults all looked at each other. “What happens next?”  Asked Vanessa. Hailie shrugged her shoulders.  “That’s the end.  The dogs eat each other.” Marshall cleared his throat. Not exactly sure what to say about that.  “Alright, now it’s time for little story tellers to get into their sleeping bags.” Hailie giggled and ran towards the tent. AJ laughed.  “We need to get her a tent and sleeping bag in her room.  She seems to go to bed a lot faster.” Vanessa laughed and got up off the bench.  “Can I go make sure she gets in bed alright?” Marshall nodded.  “Sure go ahead.” Once Vanessa was gone AJ turned to Howie. “She’s a great girl D.” Howie smiled.  “I really like her guys.  I think I’m falling in love.” AJ laughed and started singing.  “Love is in the air.  Everywhere I look around.” “ Love is in the air.  With every sight and every sound.” Marshall finished. Howie covered his ears.  “AJ, make him stop!” AJ moved so he could place his lips over Marshall’s.  They shared a passionate kiss until they could hear somebody making gagging noises. Pulling away they turned to see Howie smiling at them. “I would rather hear Marshall sing, then see you two sucking face.” Hailie can running out of the tent in her pajamas.  “Daddy, papa I wanted to say goodnight.” Marshall and AJ smiled.  “Come here big girl.” They said at the same time. Hailie giggled and ran to her parents giving them each a big hug and a kiss, before running back to the tent. *****@***** Ten minute later Vanessa walked quietly back to the campfire. “Is she asleep?” Vanessa nodded.  “She’s exhausted.  It’s been a busy day.” AJ yawned which caused everybody to laugh. “I think little AJ is ready for bed too.”  Said Marshall rubbing AJ’s back and shoulders. AJ shook his head.  “I’m not going to bed until we tell a scary story.  I mean all these stories about princesses and knights in shining armor are good for Hailie, but I’m in the mood for a scary story.” “I think the one about the two dogs eating each other was pretty scary.”  Laughed Howie. Marshall groaned.  “I have no idea where she got that from.” Vanessa laughed.  “Don’t worry about it Marsh.  I’ve learned in my development classes that when you are Hailie’s age its normal to be thinking about death and stuff.” “That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” “Come on guys let’s tell scary stories.”  Said AJ jumping so he was sitting on Marshall’s lap. Marshall groaned.  “And you have to sit on my lap to tell a story for what reason?” AJ smirked.  “I don’t need to sit on your lap to tell the story, I just thought it would be fun to torture you.”  He said moving around on Marshall’s lap to make a point. This time Marshall moaned. AJ jumped up out of his seat and looked down at Marshall.  “On second thought, I don’t think I like that seat after all.  There is this really annoying thing that keeps poking me in the butt.” Vanessa and Howie busted up laughing at the look Marshall was giving AJ. “Ok, AJ if you are going to tell this story, do it now before I fall asleep.”  Said Vanessa with a yawn. “Alright, Alright.  But it’s never good to rush a story teller.” “Would you just tell the stupid story for crying out loud.”  Exclaimed Marshall, who was more then slightly aroused and extremely tired. AJ glared at Marshall.  “I don’t think I want to tell YOU anything.” “Marshall…” “Fine, don’t tell me the story, I’m going to go to our tent and go to sleep.”  Said Marshall getting up off the bench and stopping towards the tent. “Marshall you don’t have the…” “FUCK!” “Flashlight.”  Sighed Howie. AJ jumped off the log and ran towards where he heard Marshall yell. And sure enough there was Marshall on the ground holding his ankle. “My god, what happened?” Marshall looked up at AJ with tears in his eyes.  “It hurts.” “Vanessa, Howie! Get the first aid kit.”  Yelled AJ before he looked back to Marshall.  “What hurts baby?” “My fucking ankle. I twisted it on that rock.”  Said Marshall through gritted teeth. “I’m so sorry baby, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.  Then you wouldn’t have ran over here without the flashlight, and you wouldn’t be hurt.”  Said AJ now crying too. “God, what happened to you guys?  Are you hurt too AJ?”  Asked Howie in disbelief as him and Vanessa brought the first aid kit. AJ shook his head.  “I’m not hurt.  It’s just all my fault.” Marshall turned AJ to look at him.  “I’m the one that’s been being stupid on this whole trip, so this isn’t your fault at all.” Vanessa bent down to look at Marshall’s ankle.  “Does this hurt?” “FUCK! Yes that hurts.” “Well, I don’t think it’s broken, but I do need to wrap it.” Said Vanessa getting out a bandage out of the first aid kit. “Is that gunna hurt?” “Probably.” *****@***** Fifteen minutes later everybody was back around the campfire.  Marshall insisted he was fine, and that AJ was going to tell his scary story even if everybody fell asleep when doing so. “Go on AJ, tell the story.”  Said Marshall wrapping his arm around his fiancé. AJ smiled and took a deep breath.  “It started about ten years ago…” *****@***** “And they still don’t know where he went. They say he’s been moving around with the heads of he people he killed in a suitcase. Its been said that he is still living in these very mountains.”  Finished AJ, pretty proud of himself. Vanessa sat clinging to Howie’s arm like it was a lifeline. “I think you scared Vanessa to death AJ.” Said Howie looking angrily at his friend. AJ looked at Vanessa and sighed.  “I’m sorry.” Vanessa shook her head.  “I’m not scared. It’s just getting cold out here.” Howie looked at Vanessa, having a feeling she wasn’t telling the truth, but didn’t want to say anything about it.  “Why don’t we get going to bed?” Vanessa nodded.  “Yeah, Hailie is probably getting cold in there by herself anyway.” “Yeah, she needs her daddy and papa to warm her up.”  Said Howie walking to the tent. “You haven’t told him?” Vanessa shook her head.  “He’ll find out in a second.” “THERE IS AN ANIMAL IN OUR TENT!”  Yelled Howie running out of the tent and hiding behind a tree. Vanessa took on look at Marshall and AJ before they all started to bust up laughing. Howie looked at his three friends.  “Well, isn’t one of you going to go kill it?” Vanessa shook his head.  “I think Marshall would miss her if we killed her.” Howie looked at Vanessa in confusion.  “Why in gods name would he care about the ANIMAL IN OUR TENT!” Vanessa was on the ground laughing by this point.  “Because…that…isn’t an animal Howie…Its Hailie.” “You mean that’s Hailie in our tent?” Vanessa nodded. “Well, why in the world is Hailie in OUR tent.” Marshall cleared his throat.  “I would stop yelling if I was you if we don’t want said little animal coming out wondering what is going on.” Howie sighed.  “Why is Hailie in our tent?” “Vanessa asked us to have her sleep with you guys because she felt uncomfortable sleeping alone in the same tent with you.”  Said AJ. Howie looked at Vanessa with hurt in his eyes.  “Is this true?” Vanessa looked down at her shoes and nodded. “I can’t believe you think that low on me Vanessa.  Yeah, we’ve only known each other for a week, but you have made it very clear how you feel about sex before marriage.  I thought you understood that I agreed with you on that.  But I guess not.”  Said Howie sadly before he stomped off to the tent, this time not freaking out when he saw the little girl sleeping in the tent. “Ahh Hell!”  Exclaimed Vanessa stomping the ground “Don’t worry about him Nessa.  He’s just hurt.” Said AJ putting an arm around her shoulders. Vanessa sighed.  “Well, I’ve been though worse I’m just going to head to bed.  I guess Hailie is in our tent for a different purpose.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, she will make it so Howie wont yell at me.”  With that she walked off to tent. *****@***** Howie laid in bed fast asleep dreaming about chocolate birthday cake when all of a sudden he felt Vanessa moving around in the sleeping bag next to his.  Opening his eyes he could see her moving her arms and legs around like she was fighting off some invisible foe.  He was just about to shake her when she all of a sudden got up out of her sleeping bag and unzipped the door of the tent and ran out into the night. “What the hell?”  He said before he got up out of bed himself.  What he saw when he got out of the tent was a different story.  Vanessa was standing in the middle between both the tents kickboxing.  He walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder.  “Nessa?” Vanessa screamed and without knowing it was Howie and not the person in her dream he moved her knee up and got Howie right in the crotch. Howie screamed and fell to the ground holding himself. Marshall, AJ, and Hailie ran out of the tents. “What the fuck is going on here?”  Asked Marshall looking at a dazed Vanessa and Howie lying on the ground. Vanessa shook her head and looked around. Seeing everybody looking at her and Howie she looked down.  “Oh my god, Howie what happened?” Howie looked up at Vanessa with big eyes.  “You kicked me!” Vanessa looked at him confused and laughed.  “Why in the world would I kick you?” “I have no idea, but you kicked me right in the balls.” AJ laughed.  “That would explain why you’re talking funny.” Howie glared at AJ.  “Oh shut up.” Vanessa thought for a second and gasped.  “I did kick him. But I didn’t think it was him.  I was having a dream about that dude AJ talked about last night.  And I was fighting him right when Howie came up and touched my shoulder. I must have thought he was the bad guy and kicked him right in the crotch.” Marshall laughed.  “Yeah, I have a feeling you got him really good too.” Howie moaned. Vanessa bent down next to next to her boyfriend.  “I’m sorry baby, do you think you can walk?” Howie nodded and let Vanessa help him to his feet. “You can forget about ever having kids D.” Laughed AJ. Howie glared at him.  “You can shut up now AJ.” “I’m sorry Howie really I am. What can I do to make it up to you?” “Can I have a kiss?” Vanessa smiled and moved her lips so they were on Howie’s Hailie looked at Vanessa and made a face.  “Daddy Vanessa…” Hailie looked at her parents and made a face.  “Would you guys get a fucking room!”  Exclaimed Hailie before she stomped back to the tent. All four adults pulled apart from their kiss and turned to see Hailie leaving.  “HAILIE!”  They yelled. *****@***** The next morning Marshall was getting breakfast ready with Hailie while Vanessa and Howie got the fire started. “Where’s AJ?”  Asked Howie as he bent down to pick up a stick. “He went into the woods to piss.”  Said Marshall pointing in the direction AJ had gone. Howie laughed.  “I should have guessed.” “So, what do we have planned for today?”  Asked Marshall looking at Vanessa.” Vanessa didn’t get a chance to respond before AJ came screaming into the campsite. Marshall turned to see AJ running towards them with his hand holding his face. “What happened AJ?” “Peeing…lump on the ground…loud noise…bugs…sting…ouch.”  Exclaimed AJ walking around in circles. “Alex sit down for crying out loud.  You’re making me dizzy.”  Said Marshall hopping over to where a hysterical AJ was finally sitting down.  “Now, tell me again what happened?” AJ shook his head and continued to cry holding his face. “I think he said that he was peeing on a hornets next and they got mad and they stung him.”  Said Vanessa walking over to the first aid kid. She had been camping at least once a year for her whole life and she had never once used the first aid kit as much as she had this trip. “Is that what happened baby?” AJ nodded. “Where did it sting you?”  Asked Vanessa walking over with tweezers and an ice pack. “My cweek.” Said AJ through his swelling jaw. Vanessa moved AJ’s hand away and looked at the puffy skin.  “Well, you’re lucky the stinger came out already.  You just need to keep ice on it so it will go down.” AJ nodded and took the ice from Vanessa.  Wincing as he put it on his face. “Um, honey, I hate to bring this up.  But I think it might be a good idea if we pack up early.  I don’t think any of us are in the right physical state to keep camping.”  Said Howie. Vanessa laughed.  “Oh, I’m not mad about leaving early.  I was just thinking the same thing myself.  You’re right you guys are not camping people.”