| Bush: New British Intelligence Confirms Lunar WMD Program |
February 3, 2004 Cape Canaveral, Florida In a press conference on Tuesday, President George W. Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld were hounded by reporters, asking for justification for the billion-dollar plan for NASA's lunar space station program. "What positive benefits can it have for a country in economic despair?" asked Harry Furman, reporter/editor of local Tampa newspaper The Tampa (the rest of this title has been censored according to section 5 of the Patriot Act). Bush replied, "According to British intelligence, and damn good intellegence, very smart, I might add, a lot of evidence found imp...uh...imp-luh..uh..." After prompting from Rumsfeld, Bush continued his statement, "implicates little moonmen and Jupiterians as possible suppliers of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction." When asked if that implied that life existed on either the moon or Jupiter, Bush replied, "We can't take any chances." Unfortunately, at that point in the conference, the President was forced to leave after receiving a call from First Lady Laura Bush on his cell phone, leaving Rumsfeld to field the rest of the questions. Bush reportedly ran out screaming, "Jenna and Ashton Kutcher did what?!" After Bush's abrupt exit, Rumsfeld was pelted with questions like, "How can Jupiter have people on it?" and "How can you hide weapons of mass destruction on a planetary surface that is completely composed of gas?" Rumsfeld replied, "I never agreed to answer all your questions, so I'll only answer one of them. As for Jupiter being able to hide weapons of mass destruction, let me just say this. In my time as a general in the United States military, I learned to trust my intuitions. My intuitions tell me that the most inconspicuous place to hide nerve agents would be among other gaseous substances, and space travel is not something that I put past Al-Qaeda terrorists and Ba'ath Party thugs. I'm going home." White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, when asked for comment after the conference, turned into a bat and flew away. -BG |
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| 2/3/04. Rumsfeld, in a conference regarding lunar space station, ponders why reporters keep asking him questions. |
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| 2/3/04- Bush humbly asks, "Are you guys voting republican in the next election? You should!" |
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