Backstreet Comedy
Backstreet Comedy
Here are some things I have found from other sites that are really funny and I thought I should share with all of you. Enjoy!
BSB on JEOPARDY
Alex: Good evening and welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy. Today our contestants are all members of the oh-so-popular boyband, Backstreet Boys. First is Nick Carter.
Nick: *drawing on that board thingy that you're supposed to use for Final Jeopardy with his tongue sticking out*
Alex: Nick?
Nick: *still drawing*
Alex: Nick!
Nick: *still drawing*
Alex: MR. CARTER!
Nick: *still drawing*
Alex: Dumb ass blonde!
Nick: *looks up* Oh. Were you saying something?
Alex: Yes! You're not supposed to write anything on the boards yet! Those are for Final Jeopardy!
Nick: *blinks* Wanna see my drawing of a doggy!?
Alex: No, I don't.
Nick: Meanie.
Alex: *sighs* Next is Kevin Richardson.
Kevin: Hi ... Alex. It's ... great to ... be here.
Alex: *looks at watch* Already I can tell this will be a long game. Ummm ... next is AJ McLean.
AJ: Wuzzup wuzzup, Alex? You know, you and I have the same first name! Ain't that fucked!?
Alex: Language Mr. McLean!
AJ: My language? Oh, it's English.
Alex: Moving right along, Howie Dorough!
Howie: *winks* Hi Alex! I'm like sooooooo excited to be on Jeopardy!
Alex: Good for you. And lastly is Brian Littrell.
Brian: You don't mind that I brought my dog, do you?
Alex: As long as it doesn't crap on my shoes. Let's get started and take a look at the categories. *funky music* And they are ... LETTERS OR NUMBERS, IS THIS A HAT, COLOURS THAT END IN "URPLE", THINGS NICK CARTER EATS, BOY BANDS, and lastly, FAMOUS MUPPET FROGS. And the answer to every question in that category ... is Kermit. Kevin, you won the coin toss so you get to go first.
Kevin: I'll take ... IS THIS ... A HAT for ... $100.
Alex: And the answer is ... That ugly leopard thing that AJ McLean always tend to wear. *buzz* Mr. Mclean.
AJ: My leopard print thong!
Alex: *looks disgusted* No!
AJ: Sorry. WHAT IS my leopard print thong?
Alex: No. Anyone else. *beep beep beep* The correct question is ... What is a hat? Which Mr. McLean is actually wearing right now.
AJ: Rigghhtt ... that's what YOU wanna think!
Alex: Kevin, it's still your board.
Kevin: All right ... I'll take ... THINGS NICK ... CARTER EATS ... for $500.
Alex: And the answer is ... This has a cream filling. *buzz* Nick.
Nick: WHAT HAS A CREAM FILLING!?
Alex: No, I'm asking you what has a cream filling.
Nick: And I'm asking you! I'm hungry!
Alex: *sighs* You have no idea what something that you eat is that has a cream filling in it!?
Nick: *blinks*
Alex: Moron. *beep beep beep* The correct question is ... What is an Oreo. Kevin, it's still your board.
Kevin: I'll take ... COLOURS ... THAT END ... IN ... "URPLE" ... for $200.
Alex: The answer is ... This colour, ends in "urple". *buzz* Howie.
Howie: What is *wink* light urple?
Alex: No. *buzz* Brian.
Brian: What is robin's egg urple?
Alex: No. *buzz* Brian, you already buzzed in.
Brian: But I know it now!
Alex: Fine. Since no one else probably knows it.
Brian: What is PURPLE!
Alex: OH MY GOD! HE GOT IT RIGHT!!!
Tyk: *barks happily*
Alex: Wow ... that's amazing. Umm, Brian, it's your turn.
Brian: I'll take BALLOONS for $800 if you please.
Alex: That's not a category.
Brian: My mistake. I'll choose BALLOONS for $600.
Alex: There's nothing up there about balloons!
Brian: *makes face* Oh.
Alex: *sighs* How about we just go with BOY BANDS for $500. The answer is ... This boy band consists of Justin, Chris, Lance, Joey and JC ... the last letters of each of their names form the bands name. *silence* They beat your record in sales for Millennium. *silence* They're album is called No Strings Attached. *silence* One of them is dating Britney Spears. *silence* They hate you. *buzz* FINALLY! Mr. Richardson!
Kevin: Who ... are ... The ... Offspring?
Alex: No! *buzz* Howie!
Howie: Who are *twitch* Boy Zone?
Alex: No! *buzz* AJ.
AJ: I'm not AJ! I'm Johnny No-Name!
Alex: Dear God ... *buzz* Brian.
Brian: Don't use the Lord's name in vein.
Alex: ARGH! *buzz* Nick?
Nick: WHAT IS AN OREO?
Alex: *pulling on hair* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *beep beep beep* YOU'RE ALL MORONS! *coughs* Ummmm ... the correct question was ... Who are *N SYNC.
BSB: Who?
Alex: *blinks* Let's go to Final Jeopardy. *looks at card* This is DEFINATELY too hard for you guys.
Kevin: What ... does ... it say?
Alex: PLACES IN EUROPE. *buzz* Mr. Carter, I didn't even ask anything yet!
Nick: Norway is in Sweden!
Alex: What?
Nick: I resign in Florida!
Alex: Huh?
Nick: My brother's name is Aaron.
Alex: Someone smack him.
AJ: *walks over and smacks Nick*
Nick: OWIES! I'M TELLING ON YOU!
AJ: Shut up. *goes back to his booth*
Nick: *sniffles*
Alex: Oh please! Anyway, since that category is too hard for you, here's the new one for Final Jeopardy. Write down the name of the show! *Jeopardy music comes on* What is the name of the show you are on right now? You'd have to be THE dumbest people in the world not to get this! *ding* All right, let's take a look at your answers. Nick, you seem rather proud.
Nick: *blinks*
Alex: Right. Anyway, you answered ... a drawing of a dog.
Nick: I tried to show you before the game started! But nooooooooo! You didn't wanna see it!
Alex: Never come back here again. Kevin, you wrote ... What is Je ... ummmmm ... how come you couldn't write the name of the show? I gave you lots of time!
Kevin: I ... wrote it ... as fast ... as I could.
Alex: You poor soul. Ummmm ... next is AJ. And you wrote ... Who is Johnny No-Name? I'm sorry, but that's incorrect.
AJ: No really. Who is Johnny No-Name. People keep telling me about him, and saying he looks like me!
Alex: It's unbelievable that you have not yet been admitted.
AJ: What did I admit?
Brian: That you sniff crack! Which is a sin!
AJ: Huh?
Alex: Argh ... moving right along ... Mr. Dorough!
Howie: Hi Alex. *winks*
Alex: Let's see what you wrote ... nothing. Why?
Howie: It was hard! *twitch*
Alex: Unbelievable. Brian ...
Brian: I think I did good!
Alex: *looks* I'm sorry ... but TYK is not the answer.
Tyk: *growls*
Brian: Well, make it the right answer or else he'll crap on your leg.
Alex: *rolls eyes* This game is over. *buzz* Nick, the game is over. *buzz* Nick ...
Nick: But I know the answer!
Alex: Nick ... *buzz* Mr. Carter, I hate you.
Nick: Meanie.
Alex: I quit!
AJ: WHO'S JOHNNY NO-NAME!?!?!
Parody to Chris Rock's "There's No Sex in the Champagne Room"
Originally from GrabNick'sBootieAndPinch Yahoo! Group
Ladies and little girls of the teeny bopper class of 1999, I have one piece of advice for you: No matter what they tell you, there is no sex on a Backstreet Boys tour bus, none. Oh there's Backstreet Boys on a Backstreet tour bus, but you want sex, there's no sex on a Backstreet tour bus. Don't go to after-parties ready to give ass, sure AJ, Howie, Kevin, Brian, or Nick's inside but you're not the only one trying to get your freak on. There's professional hoochies tryin' too. If a boy acts black and talks black, but is white, he's an oreo. If a man acts 16, and looks 16, but he tells you he's 27, he's having a mid-life crisis. Get rid of that stupid ass cowboy hat AJ. Nick Carter couldn't have possibly done all the
"whoo's", Brian Littrell was doin' some of that shit. Young men, if she loves to hold your dog--then let
her! Why spend the next 30 days in juvenille retention because some jock stole your candy. Aaron
Carter; there ain't nothin' wrong with that. No matter what you think of what I'm saying remember this,
there is no sex on a Backstreet tour bus. If a famous person is bitchy, they won't be famous that long.
They're too bitchy to realize they're askin' for a beat down. If a girl bares her mid-drift, she'll probably
suck your dick. If a guy looks like Ronald McDonald, he'll probably suck your dick. Here's a horoscope for everyone: Aquarius-you're gonna die, Leo-you're gonna die, Taurus-you're gonna die, Libra-you're gonna die, AJ-you're gonna die fuckin'. No girl goes to a Backstreet Boys concert for their singing. If you've been dating a man for four months and you travel with his four best friends, you are a groupie. Some of these things I've said may not apply to you, some of these things I've said may have offended you. But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing: No matter what a bodyguard says, there is no sex on a Backstreet tour bus, none.
Nicky Got Back
I like Nick's butt and I cannot lie,
You other groupies can't deny,
When Nick walks in with the ittie bittie waist and that round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna put on a front
But you noticed that butt was stuffed,
Deep in the jeans he's wearing,
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring,
Oh Nicky I wanna get witcha and take that picture,
The bodyguards tried to warn me,
But that butt you got make me SO HORNY
Oh rump of smooth skin,
I said I wanna get in your Benz,
Well use me, use me,
Cause I ain't that average groupie,
I seen him dancing to hell with romancing,
I'm sweat, wet, he got it going like a turbo jet,
I'm tired of magazines
Saying JUSTIN is the thing,
Take the average black fan and ask her that,
NICK gotta pack much back!
SO ladies (YEAH) ladies (YEAH), has Nicky got the butt?
HELL YEAH!
Tell him to shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt,
Nicky got back,
CHORUS
Nicky got back
Tampa face with Orlando booty,
Nicky got back,
Tampa face with Orlando booty,
I like it round and big,
And when he's doing a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm acting like an animal,
Now here's my scandal,
I wanna get him home and huh, double up huh huh,
Ain't talkin bout playgirl,
Just shake that booty for the world,
I want them real thick and juicy,
So find that juicy double,
Now feesha's in trouble,
Begging for a piece of that bubble,
So I'm looking at Nsync videos,
Afro boys running from hoes,
You can keep those fro's
I take my man like Nick though,
A word from this thick soul sista,
I wanna get witcha,
I won't cuss or hit ya,
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *sigh*
To the break of dawn,
Nicky got it going on,
Little girls won't like this song,
Cause they take a pic and quit,
But I rather stay and wait,
I wait long and strong,
Cause I'm down to get the friction on,
So ladies (YEAH) ladies (YEAH),
You roll in his Mercedes?
(HELL YEAH),
Tell him turn around,
Stick it out,
Even white girlz got to shout,
NICKY GOT BACK!!!
Yeah Nicky, when it comes to you males,
Teen Beat ain't got nothing to do with my selection,
40-36-40, huh only if he's six feet!!
So Mandah rolls a Honda,
Doing workout tapes by Fonda,
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda,
And you know we kinda don't want none if unless you got buns hun!
You could do bench press or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt,
Other girlz wanna play that hard role and tell you that butt ain't gold,
So they toss, they leave it and I pull up quick to retrieve it,
So Teen Beat says you're fat,
Well we ain't down with that,
Cause your hair is cute and your butt is kickin,
And you're probably good at stickin,
As for the other guyz in that magazine,
We ain't missing a thing,
Give me BOOTYLICIOUS, yes NICK CARTER,
If it ain't him I won't bother,
Nsync done tried to diss,
Just mad cause they ain't on my list,
Nick ain't got game, and Mandah hit him,
But I still wanna get wit him,
So ladies since the butt is round,
And we wanna triple x throw down,
Dial 1-900-BACKSTREET BUTT,
And talk just like a slut,
NICKY GOT BACK!!!
Cooking With BSB
~Author Unknown~
Kevin: Hello, I'm Kevin Richardson, and we're the Backstreet Boys
Brian: Today we're going to show you how to make a chocolate cake from scratch.
Nick: Scratch? So you mean if I scratch myself a certain way I'll get a chocolate cake? *Scratches himself*
AJ: Nick! Just be quiet and let us make the damn cake!
Nick: ok...I was just asking
Kevin: First we take the flour and pour it in the bowl
Howie: Then we take some sugar and pour it in
Brian: Then some cheddar cheese and pour it in
Kevin: Cheese?
Howie: This isn't a cheesecake Brian!
Brian: Yeah but... we can make a chocolate cheese cake
Kevin: Well... Ok I guess... But we can't use cheddar cheese.
Brian: And why not?
Kevin: Uhh...cuz
Brian: *puts the cheese in the bowl* too late
Kevin: ugh! Next we add some eggs *Pours in the eggs*
AJ: And now we add some *special* Leaves
Kevin: Nooo way!
Howie: AJ!
AJ: If Brian can add cheddar cheese then I can add some *special* Leaves
Kevin: But...
AJ: *Pours the *special* Leaves in* OOPS too late
Kevin: Well...now we add the oil *pours the oil in*
(Silence)
Kevin: *nudges Nick*
Nick: *has chocolate all over his face* what?
AJ: Put the chocolate in!
Nick: uhh I ate it
Howie: Wut!
Nick: It was so sweet and delicious looking, besides you guys didn't really need it anyway
Brian: Nick! The whole purpose of a chocolate cake is the chocolate!
Nick: But you guys said you were going to make it from scratch... So... Just scratch yourself
AJ: Yeah, Kevin you're an expert at that *nudges Kevin*
Kevin: *Punches AJ in the arm*
AJ: Damn you Kevin! *Holding his arm runs off stage*
Nick: *laughing*
Kevin: And this is for eating all the chocolate! *Smacks Nick*
Nick: *Runs off stage crying*
Howie: Kevin wut the hell is your problem!
Kevin: I'm tired of you damn idiots screwing up all the time!
Howie: *Yells at him in a Puerto Rican accent and goes off stage*
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