AJ had walked farther down the beach than he realized. He saw the hotel standing out against the darkness of the sky. He looked down at his feet, kicking the sand up as he walked. Glancing up, he noticed a lone figure sitting on the pier. He smiled softly to himself, heading in that direction.
Kyndall didn't even look up as the soft footsteps behind her stopped. She just continued to stare out across the water. She ignored the person sitting down next to her, drawing her legs up to her chest, making herself as small as possible.
"Hey," AJ greeted her.
Closing her eyes, Kyndall sighed. "Hello," she said softly.
"Where's D? Figured ya'll would still be out dancing or tearing up the town," he commented looking around. "Or wasn't he exciting enough for you?" Kyndall slowly turned to face him, and he noticed for the first time that she'd been crying. Cursing his quick tongue softly, AJ sighed. "Aww man," he said, reaching out to wipe the tears off her cheek. "What's the matter baby?"
"Nothing," she mumbled, looking away again.
"Oh you just cry spontaneously?" he asked, rolling his eyes. "Don't give me that, Kyn. Tell me what's wrong."
"You really want to know?" she asked softly.
"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't," he pointed out. Kyndall looked at him for a minute, silently debating whether or not to tell him. "Well?" AJ asked impatiently.
"Well?" she said, imitating his tone. Sighing, she looked back at the water. "I slept with-I mean, I almost slept with Howie," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Wha---what did you say?" he asked disbelieving his ears.
"I almost slept with Howie," she repeated, a little louder.
AJ shook his head. "I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you," he looked at her, his eyes narrowed. "Did you just say you almost slept with Howie?"
"You need me to draw you a picture?" Kyndall asked. "I'm sure there's a red crayon around here if that'll help."
"What the hell are you thinking? Howie?"
"What's wrong with Howie?"
"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with Howie," AJ shook his head. "I just…why the fuck would you sleep with him?"
"Why not?" When he didn't answer she rolled her eyes and looked away. "What the hell do you care what I do with Howie anyway?" she mumbled. "And it's not as if you have a lot of room to talk about who I'm sleeping with. You sure didn't mind when you were fucking Miranda in Europe."
"Miranda isn't your best friend," AJ snapped.
Kyndall's eyebrows raised in surprise, then her eyes narrowed to mere slits. "You're right. I don't have to worry about my friends stabbing me in the back, lying to me, using me."
"Yeah, well, you're too goody-goody to be her friend anyway," he said snidely.
Kyndall's eyes flashed. "What did you say?"
"You and your holier-than-thou attitude," he waved his hand at her. "You think you're better than the rest of the world. Think you're Miss Perfect and the rest of the world is fucked up. Can't accept that fact that maybe, just MAYBE you're the one with the problem," AJ said his voice raising slightly.
"I have a problem because I don't appreciate the fact that the man I'm in love with is fucking around with his ex-girlfriend while professing his undying love for me?" Kyndall's voice raising to match his. "Forgive me for having some sort of standards when it comes to relationships. Heaven forbid I believe in a monogamous relationship."
"You didn't even fucking give me a chance," AJ stated.
Her eyes widened in shock. "I…I didn't…I didn't give YOU a chance?" She laughed, stunned. "What the fuck have I BEEN doing? Excuse me, but I believe I have given you numerous chances. And every time you went running back to HER. Every fucking TIME. And then, when you sat there and told me that I was the only one you wanted to be with, that I was the only one you loved, you couldn't control yourself for a fucking week. You just had to fuck her."
"What are you talking about?"
"England you asshole. You taking her to your room," Kyndall explained.
"I didn't sleep with her."
"Yeah right," she said, not believing him.
"I didn't. How many times do I have to tell you that?" he asked, throwing his hands up in the air.
Kyndall sighed. "Ya know," she said, her voice dropping to just above a whisper. "I was just fine until you came along."
"What the fuck is that suppose to mean?" he asked, annoyed. "Catlyn said you were all messed up because you were obsessed with me and shit."
"You'd like to think that you were the only thing messing with my mind, wouldn't you?" she snapped. "It would be so much easier if I could just fall in love with Howie," she sighed. "He's never lied to me. Never been anything but wonderful to me. And the one and only time he hurt me was when he told me he couldn't make love to me because he loved me too much."
"What the fuck ever," AJ laughed.
"What are you laughing at? At least he could respect me enough not to toy with my heart and play on my vulnerability. If it wasn't for your sorry ass, I'd be in love with him. I'd be living happily ever after with him instead of toying with the sick fantasy that someday you're going to fall madly and deeply in love with me," she said shortly.
"Oh Howie. Mr. Sweetness himself. The angel from heaven, sent to take care of all your problems. The loving being swooping in to rescue your soul from the torment your love for me provides," he shook his head. "That my dear is poetic nonsense. Howie is no more perfect than the Pope."
"Well, that certainly puts him above you," Kyndall remarked dryly.
"This," he said pointing at her. "This is what I'm talking about. The whole fucking world knows that I screw up. It's on the headlines of every newspaper every time I do. But you," he shook his head. "You think that you are the epitome of perfection. You toy with me every chance you get. Popping in and out of my life, opening up and then closing yourself off. What the fuck am I suppose to think?"
"Umm…hello," she said, looking at him in disbelief. "You're the one that keeps locking me out of your life. Unless that is what you want. Something for you to play with in between fights with Miranda."
AJ sighed. "That isn't what I want. I walked away from her, Kyn. Why can't you believe me?" His eyes pleaded with her, his voice begged her to believe him. "I don't want her. I want you. I love you. I need you."
"You have a hell of a way of showing it," she mumbled looking away. "I can't live my life wondering from one minute to the next if you're messing around on me. I can't lay awake at night praying to God that you're being faithful and loving only me. Forgive me if I'm selfish in the respect that I require the full attention and full devotion of the man I'm with."
"There's nothing wrong with that, baby," he said, his voice softening. "Nothing at all."
"And that is why I can't be with you," she said standing up. "I love you Alexander McLean. More than I should. More than you deserve. I don't know that I'll ever be completely over you. I'm taking it one day at a time. And I pray that when I do eventually move on, that I'll be able to open up to him, the way that I did to you. But I'm really not sure that I have it in me," she said softly, turning and walking away.
"Kyndall, wait!" AJ called after her. She didn't turn around or even acknowledge him as she hurried back to the hotel. "Fuck!" AJ growled dropping his head in his hands. "That certainly didn't go very well," he groaned, shaking his head. "What am I doing?" he asked looking up at the sky. "I can't leave things like this," he mumbled. Standing up so quickly that he almost tumbled into the water, AJ broke out in a run trying to catch up with her.
