Howie knocked on the door, louder than he really meant to. "What?" a muffled voice called from inside.
"Cat? It's Howie. Is Kyndall there?"
"What?" Catlyn asked peeking out from the crack the barely opened door made. "Howie? What do you want?"
"Is Kyndall here?" he asked trying to see into the dark room.
Running a hand across her eyes sleepily, she opened the door allowing him to come in. Turning on the light, she walked back over to her bed. Howie followed her inside, shutting the door behind him. "No. I don't know where she's at. Haven't seen her since I left to go hang out with…" she cringed as the events from that night came flooding back to her memory, "Nick," she finished softly.
"You okay?" he asked looking at her, concerned.
"Huh?" she asked looking up at him. "Oh yeah," she smiled waving a hand at him. "I'm fine. So, what'cha need Kyn for?" Yawning suddenly, she clamped a hand over her mouth in surprise. "Sorry about that. I was…sleeping."
Howie chuckled. "It's okay hon. I uh…I actually didn't come here to see Kyndall. I needed to talk to you."
Blinking in confusion, Catlyn's brows came together. "Me? Why?"
Howie sighed. "Well, some stuff happened, and I…I just needed someone to talk to."
"So why not find Kyndall? I mean, she is your best friend. Next to AJ and all."
"Well, this kind of has to do with Kyndall. And AJ," he said softly. Taking a deep breath, he told Catlyn of everything that had happened from the moment he had bumped into Kyndall and AJ at "The Wave".
"You let her go?" Catlyn asked in shock.
"Yeah," he sighed. "It wasn't me she wanted. It was him."
"But, it could have changed. It might have changed. She could have fell for you instead," Catlyn argued.
"Cat," Howie said looking at her. "It doesn't work that way. You know it, I know it. Besides. I want to be with her when it's ME that she's with, not some memory of AJ." The look on his face tore at Catlyn's heart.
She moved to the other bed and sat next to him. Pulling him into a hug, she held him close. "I'm so sorry darlin. I wish that I could change her feelings. Lord knows that you are everything she needs."
"No. I'm not. AJ is. And I know that," he whispered, holding on to Catlyn tightly as the tears fell. "I just…sometimes, I think about what it might be like, and sometimes those thoughts take me away." He pulled away and wiped at his eyes.
"Oh D," Catlyn said reaching up to catch a tear as it fell. "And people wonder why I don't get involved with anyone."
"Why is it Cat? Are you afraid of loving and not being loved back?" Howie asked, his eyes searching hers for answers.
Catlyn shrugged and looked away. "Something like that I guess. Love hurts too much. Emotions hurt too much. Feelings hurt too much. Needing hurts too much," she turned back to face him, surprising him by the emptiness in her eyes. "I don't like hurting," she stated simply.
Nick tossed the controller across the room. Well, as far as it could go with the cord still attached. Running his hands across his face roughly, he stared at the empty room. Empty except for various articles of clothing thrown haphazardly here and there. But they were his. Crystal's were no longer mixed in. Not that he really minded. He knew that their relationship was over a long time ago. The only regret that he had was that he didn't end it sooner. That he had wasted time better spent elsewhere.
His thoughts kept drifting back to Catlyn, the way she had felt in his arms. The things that she made him think. The things that she made him feel. He wasn't sure what to think or feel about any of it. She confused him, she intrigued him, she irritated him.
He got up and walked to the window. Moving the blinds aside a bit, he stared out across the ocean. He could smell Catlyn's shampoo and soap. The faint scent of it clung to his clothing. Why did she push him away? Was there something wrong with him that made her not want anything to do with him? There were times that he was so sure she felt for him the things he felt for her. Although he wasn't real sure what it was exactly that he was feeling. He knew he loved hanging out with her. She let him relax and be himself. She accepted everything about him. Nick knew that he enjoyed talking with her, finding it completely intriguing that a girl could hold the same interests as him. Catlyn was everything he had ever dreamed of in a woman. She was perfection personified. Something he never thought could actually happen. Something he thought that he'd have to spend his whole life searching for and dreaming of, settling for second best in reality. "And now that I've found her, I still have to settle for second best," he murmured walking away from the window and throwing himself down on the bed.
