Sailor Moon does Star Wars: Cast call. This is the result of a deprived Star Wars adict who was dissapointed with The Phantom Menance. Due to her twisted mind she combined two of her favourite things to re-write the original series. The characters are basically that from the first season although others do pop in quite frequently. On the fact that the villians play fairly large parts - blame that on George Lucas, 99% of the roles in S.W are males, and the scouts are all females! Without further ado : _____________________________________ Sailor Moon does Star Wars: cast call. In a galaxy far far away ...(ie: alternative universe) Cairnsy: Welcome everyone!I'd first like to thank-you all for your auditions. Nephrite: What auditions? We got a note saying that if we came we'd be given the imperium crystal. Cairnsy: *tugs at collar* Hehe, well, ANYWAY, as I was saying the roles for the Cairnsy and Co production of Star Wars has been decided and it is my pleasure to announce the lead roles. The role of Luke Skywalker goes to .... Jedeite of the Dark Kingdom! Sailor Scouts: What?! Jedeite: What?! Raye: You must be joking! Luke is one of the good guys - Jedeite can't play him! Jedeite: I get to be the stupid blond who gets absolutely no characterisation what_so_ever in any of the films?! Zoisite: I suddenly see the intelligence behind Cairnsy's thinking. *backs away slightly at the look from Jedeite* Cairnsy: No, no - Jedeite gets the role because he's the most suited for the part. Mina: You mean stupid AND blond? Jedeite: look who's talking - the walking bimbo herself. Cairnsy: *steps between the two annoyed blonds* No - he's gotta be Luke because he's JEDI-te - get it?! Everyone: *groan* Cairnsy: hahaha *looks around and notices no-one is laughing* Anyway, besides that and the physical simularities - although Jeddy is of course MUCH cuter ... Serena: Jeddy? Kunzite: Jeddy? Jedeite: Jeddy?!! Cairnsy: ... He also has powers most simular to that of a Jedi - the power of the mind - illusions and such. Jedeite: I suppose that makes sense. Cairnsy: PLUS he did get about as much charactisation as you did Jeddy, It's sad but true, an absolute waste of a kawaii bishioun. Jedeite: Quit it with the 'Jeddy' already! I have to have the worst role though - I mean, the series covers what, three years? And in that time he don't get laid - not once! Nephrite: *leers* I could always help you change that Jeddy Jedeite: *backs away from an advancing Nephrite, desperatly looking for a place to hide* Ah - sorry Nef, I just remembered - Jedi's take a vow of celibracy - yeah, that's right. Cairnsy: *flicks through the novel, a confused look on her face* Nephrite: Damn. Jedeite: And stop calling me JEDDY!!!!!!! Cairnsy: *sweatdrop* Anyway, onto the next role, that of Princess leia, Lukes twin sister, Originally the role went to Serena. Serena: *jumps around, tripping over people as she goes* Yeah! I get be the princess! I always wanted to be a princess! Raye: Baka! You are one! Serena: Oh yeah, I knew that. Cairnsy: *coughs* As I said - WAS. Jedeite: *mutters* thank god. Serena: What?! Cairnsy: However, we couldn't quite imagine Darian as Han Solo - I mean Solo is the best character and Darian is - well ... wimpy. Darian: Wimpy?! Cairnsy: You throw FLOWERS rose boy! I mean, come on! And you are'nt even that cute - not like SApphire anyway, *mutters* how anyone can think you two look alike ... Serena: So I lose the role because of Wimpy - bo... I mean Darian? *WWWWWWhhhhhhhhaaaaaa!* Cairnsy: *ignoring equaly wimpy moon princess* Instead, the role goes to *drum role* ... Zoisite! Zoisite: Cool! I get to wear a dress. Darian: But Zoisite is a male! Cairnsy: That's still is dispute, besides, he still looked beter in the sailor faku than Serena. Serena: Wha! Zoisite: Thank-you Cairnsy Lita: You just realise you just gave away the only lead female role to a male - that's not fair! Cairnsy: Sorry babe, take it up with Lucas - it's not my fault that he's sexist. Anyway, I suppose we can all guess who the adorable Han Solo is going to be now right? Darian: me? Cairnsy: Hasn't he been listning to a word ... for the love of ...! Kunzite: You mean me don't you Cairnsy love? Cairnsy: *swoon* Of corse Kunzy - you're not Harrison Ford but even I'm not brave enough to pair Zoi up with anyone else. Cairnsy: The next character is the ever loverable Chewebaka. Setsuna: You are actually apointing an actor to him? Why don't you just use special effects or something? Cairnsy: Cause this way is so much funner. Haruka: That's gotta be the worse character. Jedeite: Even worse than mine - unbeleivable as that is. Kunzite: Whose willing to bet she chose Rose -Boy? Jedeite: put 10 on him for me. Serena: Same here. Darian: Hey! Serena: hehe - just joking darling, really. Darian *sniff* Cairnsy: Actually the part didn't go to Darian, unfortuanatly. It went to the person who most, uh, resembled Chewe. Lita: One of us looks like chewe?! Cairnsy: Well, this person has the same colouring, kind of. It's ... Nephrite everyone: *silence* Kunzite: bwhahahahahaha! Nephrite: Kunzite ......! Kunzite: bwhahahahahaha! Zoisite: bwhahahahahaha! Nephrite: Both of you shut up or I'll .... Zoisite: *stops laughing for a sec* Or you'll what? choke on a hair ball? Kunzite and Zoisite: Bwhahahaha! Jedeite: bwhahahaha! Nephrite: Well, at least I know how to shut YOU up Jedeite. *locks lips with Jedeite, kissing him deeply and in the process indeed shutting him up :)* Kunzite and Zoisite: Bwhaha ... ha? *stop and look at the couple with interest* Nephrite: *pulls away looking satisfied and sated - for the moment. Jedeite just looks dazed* Cairnsy: Ah ... ok, as I was saying Nef's hair colour matches pretty well to that of Chewebaka's hair *glares around room as muffled laughs are heard* Cairnsy: Onto the next part - that of 3PO. This had to go to the annoying intelligent member of Sailor Moon. Sailor Scouts: Ami Ami: *blush* Cairnsy: and the second half to the robotnic duo is: *looks down at script* Oh you have got to be joking! Duo to lack of resources R2D2 will be played bt Ami's little computer thingy - the one that looks like one of those high tec diaries. *mutters* What is this world coming to? computer thingy: beep de bop bopbe? (sounding rather like R2D2) Ami: Alfred want's to know how he will be able to move around? Cairnsy: Alfred? You named your computer Alfred?! Alfred: Bepbo dep! Ami: I agree, it's a very nice name Alfred. Cairnsy: *rolls eyes* we are attaching wheels to Alfred - these budget cuts are hitting us badly. Cairnsy: Anyway. The part of Jabba the Hutt was a hard roll to chose - basically because has there ever been an ugly, let alone fat super hero/villian in sailor moon? In the end he decided to give the role to the biggest slug of them all - Darian! Darian: So I get to play one of the most powerful and dominating characters in the trilogy - not bad. Cairnsy: Ah, that to I suppose. The role of Jabba's side kick - you know the one with the curly things on the side of his head, goes to ... Serena. Serena: That means I don't really do much do I - that doesn't sound fair! Cairnsy: You're the strong silent type. Serena: Oh, ok! Cairnsy: Boba Fett, who is one kick-ass villian in this fans mind goes to the kick-ass sailor scout - Lita! Lita: Hey cool - he gets that jetpack and everything as well right Cairnsy? Cairnsy: Yep - he's the alround cool bad guy. Nephrite: I don't beleive it - Cairnsy actually gave a good character to one of the scouts - Wanna swap? Lita: With you furboy? Dream on. Nephrite: *grrr* Jedeite: Getting into your part already Neffy? Lita: Neffy? What's with the nick names between you two? Nephrite: You're wildest fantasy's babe Jedeite: And Nephrite's too - absolutely nothing is going on, despite Nephrite's wish of the contry. Molly: *pops in* Hey everyone! Hey Neffy! *glomps onto Nephrite* Jedeite: *growls* what is she doing here Cairnsy? Cairnsy: Molly got the part of one of the dancers at Jabba's palace - you know, one of those scantly dressed ones? Nephrite: *looking deeply into Molly's eyes* I'm sure you'll look darling Molly. Molly: hehehe - you're so nice Maxwe - I mean Nephrite. Jedeite: Hmph *teleports somewhere else* Lita: nothing going on indeed. Cairnsy: Onto the cast call - the part of Lando Calrissian, another neat role goes to the other cool, or should I say hot, sailor scout - Raye! Raye: So I'm the sexy, suave character - I can deal with that. Darian: Others might say you're the double crossing, back stabbing one. Raye: At least I'm not a big slug! Cairnsy: *sigh* At least we didn't choose characters from Gundam Wing - they would have shot each other by now. Duo: *pops in* How could you do a fic with out me in it Cairnsy?! *points gun at Cairnsy's head* Cairnsy: *sweatdrop* Ah, heheh, well you see ... you are in it! Duo: I am? *reads script* I am! I knew you liked me too much to that Cairnsy! *glomps onto Cairnsy briefly* Anyway - now that I know you still love me, gotta go - Heero's waiting for me! *pops out* Cairnsy: *mutters* Damn Gundam pilots - they get so jealous. The lead rogue squadron Pilot goes (by default) to the last Scout - Mina. Zoisite: Are you sure that's a good idea Cairnsy? Kunzite: Yeah - she's more of a blond than Jedeite Jedeite: *pops back in from wherever he went* That's not fair Kunzite - at least we know mine's natural. Mina: *looks confused* Nephrite: you're back Jedeite! Molly: Yeah! Where did you go? Jedeite: *looks at Nephrite, then Molly, then back to Nephrite again* Where I'm going back to now - loose the girl Nephrite, you look like a cradle snatcher. *pops out again* Raye: WHAT is up his nose? Zoisite: Jedeite jealous - who would have thought, especially after all the times he's rejected you Nephrite. Nephrite: he doesn't reject me! He's ... just not ready for a relationship, that's all. Molly: What is this about you and Jedeite Neffy?! Nephrite: *bats eyes* Nothing that you need to concern yourself with darling. Molly: *swoon* already Neffy - what ever you say. Cairnsy: *rolls eyes* typical female human. We have now come to our two last main characters. Darth Vader will not be played by anyone from season one, simply because we ran out of characters. Instead, the character will be played by the master of DArkness himself - Diamond! Diamond: Thank-you everyone, Since I am of course the greatest villian of all time I feel I easily deserve this role. Cairnsy: Ah, right - Yoiu actually got it cause I think you're pretty cute - and have a kawaii brother, who will of course be playing Obi-one Kenobi!! Sapphire: I thought you wern't going to give me a proper role? Cairnsy: I wasn't but for some reason I totally forgot about Obi, and I thought you would fulful the role best. Sapphire: But that would mean that my brother would be responsible for my death - that could never happen. Cairnsy: *sweatdrop* Of course not Saph - if that's what you want to believe. The role of Yoda - who I somehow also managed to forget, goes to Luna. She's always dishing out advice that no one listens to, so it's a perfect match. Luna: I have to advise the enemy?! Kunzite: If Jedeite was here i think he'd be as happy as you Luna Molly: I don't think Jedeite likes me Cairnsy: *Rolls eyes for the hundredth time it seems in this fic* He does like you, really Molly, just don't go near him when he's got a lightsaber in his hand ok? Cairnsy: Everybody else will have cameo's - there are lots of extras so everyone will get ago Serena: Hang on - you haven't announced who is going to play the Emperor. Cairnsy: Oh, that is going to be a surprise - but let me assure you that it will be played by the most evil, nasty person in the world! Bwhahahah - *cough* *splutter* Damn, the evil villians always make those laughs seem so easy in anime. Anyway, join us all next time for Sailor Moon does Star Wars - part one! fini phew - that was a bit longer than I thought it would be! send all comments to either the list or my email at cairnsynz@yahoo.com . May the force be with you Cairnsy __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Bid and sell for free at http://auctions.yahoo.com