| By Heart Maria sings for Alex |
| Author: Minnie Rating: PG Fandom: Roswell Category: Gen - Maria Disclaimer: I don't own them. The crew of Jason Katims etc do. No infringement intended. Notes: Please do not archive elsewhere without permission. Spoilers for Cry Your Name. This one's a songfic of sorts, set to Amazing Grace. Archive Date: 4/26/2001 I knew the words by heart. I sang it enough times. Muddled through it in church, practiced it with the choir in the park, even hummed a few offhand bars of it at school. I knew the words by heart. I didn't need a piece of paper telling me what line came up next. I just needed to clutch something in my hand to keep them steady, to keep them from burying themselves in my face. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know what they meant. All I knew was that I pushed them through my lips, shoved them into some coherent form to stop myself from wailing "Why?". I knew the words by heart. I didn't know what sounds came out of my mouth. I just wanted to coat them with enough resilient strength to keep my legs standing, to keep them from falling down with grief. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know if the words worked. But they kept me sane, shifting my focus away from the casket lying in the shallow earth. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know I'd be singing it for him. His father asked to me to do something special at the funeral. I looked at him with sightless eyes, bobbing my head in a random way that said neither yes nor no. But his father took it to mean 'yes' so I reached out blindly for something, anything. A song, any song. That song. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know the first time I sang it with him would be the last time. He told me it wasn't exactly garage band material. But he ran through it with me after band practice. Once, just once. Because he knew I loved it, loved singing it with muted tones of hope and joy. Once, just once, he played it with me. Because he was my friend. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know if I wanted to finish the song. I kept delaying it, prolonging it with cracks in my voice, hoping that in those split-seconds, the world would make sense again. The world would have my friend in it again. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know what to do after the words ended. Cry? Laugh at the injustice? Tear into someone, into that thing that now housed him? Collapse and be propped up by well-meaning hands? Be silent and pay a final tribute to him? Cry. And cry raggedly. I knew the words by heart. I didn't know anything else. I didn't feel anything else. All I knew was he was gone. Alex was gone. I knew that as surely as I knew the words by heart. -End- Amazing Grace Lyrics: Amazing grace How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see. 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far And grace will lead me home. The Lord has promised good to me His word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil, A life of joy and peace. When we've been there ten thousand years Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we've first begun. HOME ROSWELL FAN FICTION FAN FICTION |