What are Roswell-isms? They are terms I've created which can be used in lieu of regular words/adjectives. Note: People don't use these terms but I thought they were fun.
Tabasco-free - not a Roswell fan (yikes)
Unlike you and me, my mother is Tabasco-free.
Michael - unpredictable
Gosh, the weather's so Michael today.
285 South - road trip
We're going on a long 285 South this weekend.
Max to the Max - dual personality
I don't know what's up with John. He's kinda Max to the Max today. One minute he's nice, the next minute he's a jerk.
Maria talk - discussion about relationship
Uh-oh, I think my girlfriend wants to have a Maria talk.
Strawberries - foreplay
I need strawberries!
Shampooish - a funny, sometimes inappropriate, it-was-the-thought-that-counts type of gift
No, we're not getting him a pair of slippers that says "old fart" written on them -- that's so shampooish!
Max/Liz - soulmates
Yes, they're been married for over 20 years ... they must have this Max/Liz thing going on.
Toy house - peace offering
We've been arguing a lot lately. I think it's time I gave her a toy house.
FourSquare - something that makes you want to scream in total horror
Don't even mention the word cancellation to me or I will do a FourSquare!!!
Eraser room - place for making out
Her parents are going to be gone this weekend so her house is gonna be one big eraser room.
Combining Roswell-isms ...
My tabasco-free friend went Michael on me during our 285 South last weekend. I don't know why he did a Max to the Max but I think he wanted to have a Maria talk. (Translated: My 'non-Roswell fan' friend was so unpredictable during our road trip. I don't know why he was alternately nice and nasty but I think he was to have a serious talk about our relationship.)
Eraser activity - kissing
Do you think Michael and Maria are ever gonna go beyond eraser activity?
180 degrees farenheit - death
The doctor says there's nothing they can do for him - he's close to 180 degrees farenheit.
Saturn rings - an inferior substitution
No, I don't want no darn saturn rings, I want a diamond ring!
Max and Liz moment - two people staring soulfully into each other's eyes
Oh, look, they're having a Max and Liz moment.
MaxandLizing (verb) - uncontrollable bout of staring
Ok, stop MaxandLizing me, you're freakin' me out!
Sub-category of Roswell-isms - Tabasco-isms:
Tabasco-free - not a Roswell fan
Tabasco in the making - someone who's about to become a fan
Tabascoed - just converted to Roswell
Tabasco-ite - obssessed Roswell fan (the ite at the end of the word means "I Tell Everyone)
Mini-tabascos - Small kids of RosMoms and RosDads who have become inadvertently hooked on the show because of their parents
Tabasco brother/sister - what fellow Roswell fans call each other
Tabasco squad - Roswell fans that frequent crashdown.com bbs
These are my responses to lines uttered by any characters on the show. Note: These are strictly tongue-in-cheek, no offense is intended.
PILOT:
Liz to Max: Where are you from?
*Unfortunately the spaceship didn't leave a return address so I can't really say.
*Second galaxy on the left.
Maria to Liz: Cut a U-ie? Who are you?
*He-LLO! I'm Liz Parker. Haven't you been listening my journal entry voice-overs in the beginning of most episodes?
THE MORNING AFTER:
Kyle to Liz: A person should be on time, Liz.
*Yeah, well, you see, I got this new watch from a friend and I'm not supposed to wind it. I'm just supposed to go like this (shakes her wrist vigorously). How was I supposed to know that it would stop at 3:50 PM, make me late for my art history finals amd possibly miss out on a really cool internship ... oops, wrong show. What were you saying again, Kyle?
Max to Topolsky: Michael's not really into geometry.
*He's more into yelling, breaking and entering ... stuff like that.
*Yeah, Euclidean geometry isn't exactly the stuff that dreams are made of.
285 SOUTH:
Maria to Michael: If you're so smart, how come you fail every class in school?
*Those tests were rigged! Rigged, I tell ya!
*Not every class -- I got a D in art class for my modern abstract piece called "Stick Figures".
*Oh, yeah? You try talking calculus, quantum physics, molecular biology and golf and see how well you do!
Liz to Max & Isabel: You guys know exactly where we're going don't you?
*Nah, we thought we'd just drive around until we found something interesting like, oh, say, a dead body on the side of the road with a silver hand print on its chest.
*Barely. SOMEONE didn't want to stop for directions at the last stop and we almost got lost!
RIVERDOG
Isabel to Max: Close your eyes and try to draw it.
*Um, Max, you’re supposed to draw on the pad, not on my hand.
Well, you DID ask me to close my eyes.
Liz to Max: If you don’t give it to me, I’ll just draw it.
*OK, but don’t draw it on Isabel’s hand! She’s real sensitive about that!
Stevens to Topolsky: I think I have a piece of my bagel permanently lodged in my esophagus!
*And this is bad, how?
Milton to Sheriff: That’s anyone’s guess … disappeared.
Sheriff to Milton: Disappeared?
Milton to Sheriff: Vanished off the face of the earth.
*Ah, you mean, he pulled a Kyle! One minute he was in the show, the next minute, we’re lucky just to see a photo of him!
Milton to Sheriff: Legend had it that he was abducted by aliens.
*Well, that explains it then! The truth has been revealed … Kyle’s disappearance in the show was due to an alien abduction! Where’s Mulder and Scully when you need them?
Eddie to Liz: I’m Eddie.
*I’m Liz Parker and five days ago I died. (“Cut!” yells the assistant director. “Alright, who’s the wise guy who gave her the wrong script? We filmed that episode already!”)
Max to Michael: We can’t go anywhere right now.
*Bob’s not taking us anywhere. He’s sulking because Liz called him “an open air vehicle that probably shouldn’t be allowed on the road to begin with.”
Liz to Max: She’ll be here! Don’t worry!
Max to Liz: I’m not worried.
*See this look? This is my "not worried" look. If I was worried, I'd have this look (frowns fiercely) or maybe this look (opens his eye really wide). But I don't. Because I'm not worried, see? Really, I'm not.
Topolsky to Sheriff: You always chase cars when you’re off duty?
Sheriff to Topolosky: Only when they blow 3 red lights, 2 stop signs and do 70 in a 30-mile-an-hour zone.
*But, but, Sheriff, I HAD to do it. I was already running late and I wanted to get home in time to watch Roswell on TV. I didn’t want to miss one single second of it.
Eddie: There’ll be a test.
*Please tell me it doesn’t involve hitting a little round ball into a tin cup hole! I’m really bad at golf! Especially putting.
Eddie: If you pass it, Riverdog will answer all your questions.
*Oh, yeah? What’s his handicap?
Eddie: Are you coming?
*Fine. But I get to bring a caddy, okay? Liz, help me take my new Callaways out of the trunk, will ya?
Liz: Um, Eddie, how much further is it?
*(huffing and puffing) To the green, I mean?
Eddie: Very close.
*Max, she may not be the best caddy for you. She tires easily.
Liz: I don’t think this is a good idea. We’ve been walking for too long.
* We should have gotten a golf cart!
Liz: Eddie, um, where exactly are you taking us?
*Yeah, where ARE you taking us? I mean, the green is that way! You’re leading us into the woods! Isn’t that out of bounds?
Eddie: We’re here.
*Here where? I don’t see a green, do you, Liz?
Eddie: Good luck (hands Liz a flashlight)
*He expects me to putt on a non-existent green , in the middle of the woods, at night, with just a flashlight to guide me by. Who does he think I am, Tiger Woods? I doubt even Tiger could hit anything here!
Liz: No, Eddie, you can’t just leave us here.
*I’m too tired to walk back. I need a golf cart. Could you send somebody over with one?
Liz: What are we going to do? (panicked)
*Well, I could always practice my putting! I bought a new putter you know! (looks around and finds his clubs are missing) Oh damn, did he take it?
Max: Frickin’ Eddie!
*You were supposed to be watching my clubs, Liz! You’re my caddy, that’s what you’re supposed to do!
Liz: I cannot believe this!
*You’re blaming ME? I have to carry YOUR heavy clubs, tramp into the woods and stumble around in the dark while you and Eddie are shooting the breeze about greens and handicaps! And you’re bitching at ME?
Liz: No, Max, Max, look!
*Liz points to golf clubs propped up inside a cave. They go inside the cave to get them. Suddenly Liz screams as darkness falls around them. Oh my it’s Tiger Dog!
Isabel to Michael and Maria: Are you two flirting?
*No, actually, we were discussing the political ramifications of the Crimean War. Duh, what does it look like we’re doing?
Isabel to Michael and Maria: Could my life get any worse?
*Yes! You could be stuck saying the same lines over and over again!
BLOOD BROTHERS:
Liz to herself: Have you ever had a moment where you're with the one person in the world you want to be with, and the wind is blowing in your hair, and the song that describes your entire soul happens to come on and that person you happen to want to be with happens to like the same song?
*Huh?
*Uh, no ...
*OK, you lost me after the first 'happen'.
Liz to Alex: Alex, I need you to do me a huge favor. Liz leans in to tell Alex something.
*I think you're a stud.
*What?
*Oh, um, I meant to say, I need your blood.
Michael to Max: Stick a fork in us Maxwell, we're done!
*Ow! Max, that was just a line, Max! I didn't mean it literally ...
Max to Liz: Now laugh like I just said something funny. Liz laughs.
*Uh, Liz, I said, laugh, not screech like a trapped parrot.
Kyle to Alex: You really think I'm going to believe that Liz didn't let you in on her little secret?
*You mean, she admitted to you that she was secretly in love with Isabel? And she was seeing Maria on the side?
THE BALANCE
Liz to Maria: Max likes cherry cola. What does Michael like?
*Yelling comes to mind.
*Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.
*Apparently really hideous looking sweaters.
BLIND DATE:
Kyle to Max: We’re a couple of big, fat losers, Evans!
*Who are you calling fat?
HEATWAVE
Liz to Max: I'm just trying to get these stupid slugs to mate.
*The slug to Liz: Hey, who you callin' stupid? I'll have you know I have a very impressive IQ of 2!
Max to Liz: Maybe one of them's gay.
*Pot, meet the kettle.
INTO THE WOODS
What Michael would have said if he saw Maria's white fluffy boots:
*Yep, it's official. Beatrice and Priscilla are dead.
*You going hiking in Alaska or something?
*Oh, I thought those were searchlights.
*Those boots would be good ... if they were roasted over a fire and tasted like marshmellows.
What Maria would have said back to him:
*You should talk. Where do you get those horrible sweaters of yours? The bargain basement of Hell-no-I-wouldn't-be-caught-wearing-those-things-even-if-you-dragged-into-the-White-Room-and-tortured-me-Mart?
SEXUAL HEALING
Liz's voice-over at the beginning of the show: But the thing is, these feelings are strong ... It's like I have no choice. It's like chemical.
*Prrrrrrrt! Liz lets a big fart fly.
Liz to Max: Max, people do a lot of dumb things when they're drunk.
*You're telling me ... a few months ago, one of the WB execs had one too many margaritas and almost cancelled the show!
Maria to Liz: You do not look normal.
*Would that be alien normal or just plain we're-the-subject-of-an-FBI-manhunt normal? (Sorry, stole the line from Crazy)
*Oh my God, do I have something in my teeth?
*(cross-eyed) What ever do you mean, Maria?
Liz to Maria: I saw things, Maria. Did you see things when you and Michael kissed?
*Yes, I saw things. I saw into the depths of his soul and found a little boy who wanted to belong. I saw his excitement that day he was adopted, thinking now he'd have a family. I saw his disappointment when he discovered his foster dad didn't know the meaning of love. I saw him watch from afar all the times Max and Iz played ball with their parents, all the wishing he could join in.
Chemistry teacher to class: OK, people, hydrogen, oxygen, carbon ...
*Plutonium, uranium, magnesium ... what? I thought we were supposed to recite the periodic table of elements.
Liz to chemistry teacher: Yeah, what is this? pointing to poster on wall
*Uh, duh, Liz, that's a poster, Liz. I better rethink that A+ grade I gave you.
Teacher to Liz: It's the Whirlwind galaxy.
*Damn, lost that bet to Tess. I thought for sure it was the Andromeda galaxy!
Isabel to the fridge: Oh, not even baking soda's gonna help with that!
*Have you tried vinegar and water? I heard that takes out most odors. You just mix three parts vinegar with one part water, wipe down the walls of the fridge, making sure you scrub the high traffic areas like the veggie crisper and dairy shelf ... and ... what? I watch Martha Stewart, okay?
CRAZY:
Michael to Maria: If I'm such a loser, then why do you want to be with me?
*Gotta be the hair!
*Because underneath that weird, poorly bathed exterior, there's this deeply wounded, vulnerable guy. (OK, so I borrowed that line from the Riverdog ep)
*Because I'm in love with you, you idiot! Don't you see that? Have I not been totally obvious?I I know they say love is blind, but they never said anything about it being rude and hard headed!
TESS, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE:
Max to the gang: And we're not going to panic.
*Michael: No, I say we panic. I look much cuter when I'm panicking. Plus I get to say really clever lines.
Liz to the gang: You know that box? It's full of pictures. Pictures of Max!
*Aaaah, they have got pictures of Max than I do!
*Aaaah, they stole my stash of pictures of Max!
*Geez, what'd you think it would contain ... a recording from Max and Isabel's real mother telling them that their destinies are with other people and they need to save their home planet from evil aliens? Get real!
Liz to the gang: Oh my God!
*She's wearing my blouse! Why is she wearing my blouse? Hello, wardrobe people!
MAX TO THE MAX:
Nasedo Max to Liz: Pick one!
*Uh, Nasedo, I think that's really gross of you to ask me that!
Nasedo Max to Liz again: Pick one!
*Ok, you asked for it. There, I picked your booger. Happy now?
WHITE ROOM:
Pierce to Max: What is the name of your home planet?
*Is this going to be on the test?
*Go to the end of the Milky Way and take a left, then you’ll find out.
*Hmmmm, let me take a stab at this ... could it be ... ummmmmm ... Earth?
*HE-LLO! You still don't know its name? They named this planet 'Earth' like over 500 years ago! Where have you been?
*You mean, you don't know? Aren't you supposed to be with the FBI, emphasis on "I" as in "investigation"? It's Earth, you dummy! That's it, I want my taxes back!
DESTINY:
Isabel to Michael: So you did this in front of Valenti?
*Michael: No, I did it in front of Barney, the singing purple dinosaur. OF COURSE, I did it in front of Valenti!
Valenti to Max: Man ...
*(What he really said was) Duh, where have I been?
Iz to Max: Max, it's our mother!
*Aaaaaah, I'm blind! That light! I can't see anything! Uh, could someone turn off the light, please? Before I go permanently blind?
Max to Tess: What happens now, Max?
*Everybody ... macarena!
HOME ROSWELL