Finding True Worth

I’m cooler, smarter, prettier, and better than all of you. Well, this was my mentality before I became a Christian. I was rarely blamed for anything by my family, and in school, I was thought of as, “the good girl.” I walked around with a big head thinking that I was better than most people. I acted like I didn’t care about what others thought of me because I wanted to look cooler than everyone. But inwardly, I did care about what others thought of me due to my pride and insecurity. I even believed I was better than God since I was convinced that I could get along fine without Him. I thought that I could do anything and everything on my own. But the older I got, the more I realized how desperately I needed God. One Sunday, when I was about 10 years old, the preacher’s wife asked me if I had trusted in Christ as my Savior. I told her that I hadn’t, so she asked me if I wanted to. With a heavy heart, I told her that I didn’t want to. I was afraid of what others might think, and I just couldn’t put my pride down enough to admit that I needed Jesus. I told myself that my parents and everyone else were all wrong and that they didn’t know what they were talking about. But the more I tried to tell myself that Jesus wasn’t real, the more I couldn’t explain why I was so convicted about accepting Christ as my Savior. There was a war going on inside of me. I didn’t want to put my pride down, but at the same time, I could no longer ignore God. I knew I would go to hell one day without Christ because my sins were not forgiven. I went to bed and that night and prayed to the Lord telling Him that I wanted to accept His free gift of salvation because I knew that trusting in Christ as my Savior was the only way I could go to heaven.

Right after becoming a Christian there were no drastic changes, but rather my life and behavior slowly began to change. I started to really enjoy learning about the Bible but my pride didn’t magically vanish. Unfortunately as time passed, I could never seem to stay close to God. My spiritual life would go up and down like a roller coaster. Finally, during my first semester at college, I went to a Bible study where I started to learn what it meant to be a true follower or disciple of Christ. I also learned how to live in a consistent harmonious relationship with God by confessing my sins right away after committing them. I knew this was where God wanted me to be. However, there were other areas of my life that I did not want to submit to Him, so I left the Bible study to pursue my own selfish desires and ambitions. I was completely out of God’s will at this time and did not want to submit to the Lord.

So, God chose to humble me and draw me back to Himself. Since then, I have been growing more deeply in love with Christ. He has opened my eyes to more and more truths of the Bible, including what a disgusting sin pride is. He has also shown me my purpose in life, which is to evangelize the spiritually lost, build up believers spiritually, and become more Christ-like in character myself. I am now more fulfilled than I ever could imagine. In spite of all my pride and my sins, the Lord has abundantly poured out His favor upon me that I don’t deserve. Because of this, I’m motivated to live for Him with “all” my heart and give Him all the credit for the new person He’s molding me into. Just as Christ said in John 15:5, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in Him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

D.D.P.