PEER GROUP PRESSURE
It was as if I was Dr. Jekyll at one moment and Mr. Hyde
the next. I was spending the summer teaching a group of college students how to
live a disciplined Christian life. One moment I was the model of self-control
and compassion. The next, I was aggressive and forceful, caring only about
coming out on top. What caused the disturbing transformation? It was peer
pressure. The afternoon had been planned as a chance to relax and enjoy one
another as we played outdoor games. But as I observed others driving their
athletic abilities, intent on winning, I began to try to prove myself as well.
I found my competitive spirit becoming my master as I gave in to the influence
of those about me. Whatever they did, I wanted to do one step better. In the
process, I offended friends and tainted my witness. As I have looked back on
that summer I have seen how easy it is for all of us to fall victim to the
pressures of those around us. Sometimes the pressure is overt: “What’s the matter with you? Why don’t you
go to R-rated movies?” Other times it can be far more subtle. When a whole
group laughs at an off-color joke, it’s difficult not to compromise and join
in. We may unwittingly give into society’s influence in how we think about our
standard of living. What once seemed like a comfortable income can begin to
seem inadequate when we look at our neighbor’s. It is easy to make decisions
based on the values that surround us rather than on God’s Word. The opposite of
courage is not cowardice but conformity. Romans
12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Christ condemned the leaders of
Israel who “loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God” (Jn. 12:43). How do we avoid the natural
inclination to conform to the pressures the world puts on us? I have found seven guiding principles that
will keep us from caving in under group pressure.
Joshua told the Israelites, “…But as for me and my
household, we will serve the Lord” (Josh.
24:15). Life is a series of choices. Whether we are aware of it or not, we
choose before the fact whether we will be victorious or suffer defeat. When we
do not decide how we will respond to temptation before it occurs, we are
choosing defeat by default. I once worked for a company in which the union of truck drivers were known for violence. The union
employees were eager to walk out and a meeting was called to discuss a possible
strike. I knew that my conscience would not allow me to strike regardless of
what everyone else chose to do. When the issue came to a vote that night in the
union hall, all in favor of a strike were asked to stand. A wave of hot fear
swept over me as I realized I was the only one in the hall who had remained
seated. But I really had no choice. I made the decision before I entered the
hall. When the pressure was on, I could respond properly. Think through the
various situations in which you might be called upon to compromise and decide
an appropriate response before you face them:
How will you respond to unwelcome
advances on a date? Will you ask to be taken home? Will you explain your
convictions? If your boss pressures you
to be unethical in reporting certain business expenses, what will you do? Will
you refuse and quit? Will you appeal to your supervisor and try to reason with
him? If someone pours you a drink at a
party and you feel that it is wrong for you to drink, how will you react? What
will you say? Decide your position
on these issues before the heat of
the moment. Otherwise you might begin to bend a little to avoid offending
someone. There is a fact of life I call the temptation curve. It works like
this. Imagine a graph with horizontal
and vertical axes. The horizontal axis represents time and the vertical is
victory or power in the Christian life. The line of resistance starts high on
the vertical axis but drops very quickly with time. This illustration
represents the fact that if a decision to resist sin or peer
pressure is not made almost immediately the chances of being victorious drop to
nil in no time.
Christians often assume a defensive stance when they go
against the grain of society. But consider a principle hidden in Mk. 6:20: “…Herod feared John and protected
him, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man.” When we are righteous and
obedient as John was, those around us develop a “fear” as we identify with Christ. We need never feel awkward or
apologetic when we deviate from the norm. Others should be more afraid of us
than we are of social rejection. We don’t have to explain ourselves when we
take a stand for righteousness. If Satan can get us to believe that we must
account for ourselves in the midst of resisting pressure from others, we will
focus on our excuses instead of standing strong and we will lose our
confidence. If we need to explain our convictions in order to help someone
else, it is best to do so at a later time, away from the pressure of the
moment. The immediate issue is resistance. Explanation or persuasion is
secondary.
We must base our decisions not on convenience but on what
the Scriptures say. I will not be able to resist peer pressure consistently if
I don’t have scriptural convictions. The strength to resist is drawn from the
grace God makes available through obedience. “…God opposes the proud but gives
grace to the humble” (1 Pet. 5:5).
Many mistake cultural or personal preferences for convictions. I don’t like it
when people smoke around me. But when I am honest, I have to say that my
aversion does not come from convictions based on Scripture. I just don’t like
smoke in my face. Convictions come through knowledge. therefore
we must regularly spend time studying the Bible to develop those convictions. It’s
very simple. A person may have many opinions, but apart from consistent time in
the Bible, he will always be bankrupt of true convictions. Convictions become
an anchor in the hurricanes of peer pressure.
Guilt over past failures can be deadly in breaking down
resistance to peer pressure. If a person has compromised in the past, guilt can
spell defeat in the future. Confession and restitution resolve that guilt.
Before I was a Christian, I did many things that were wrong. Even after my
conversion several habit patterns took a long time to be broken. I realized
that I needed to go back to certain people whom God brought to mind and make
restitution. I asked forgiveness from those I had hurt. I computed the value of
things I had taken and paid back the people I had stolen from. That had several
effects. First, it cleared my conscience. Second, it gave me an opportunity to
share my new-found faith in Christ. But it also strengthened me for the future.
No longer would I have to feel weak when I spoke to others about the areas in
which I had fallen. When placed in the same situations again, I had power to
resist because I had a clear conscience. I don’t believe a person is bound to
go back and right every wrong he ever committed. But there are times when God
will continually bring to a person’s attention a specific name and incident. It
is those incidents that require restitution – otherwise a Christian may
continue to feel weak in those areas until he finally agrees with God to clear
his conscience. Paul strove to keep his conscience clear before God and man (Acts 24:16).
When I was a police officer, I often had to stop suspects
on the street at night. As I called a name into headquarters for a records
check, occasionally the radio operator would say, “He’s a rabbit.” That was police terminology for a suspect who had
a history of running when stopped by the police. Good Christians should be “rabbits.” When we feel the temptation
to compromise rising within us, we should move quickly away from the situation
or place that is weakening us. “But you, man of God, flee from all this...” (1 Tim. 6:11). A. J. Gordon said, “Avoiding temptation is next in importance
to resisting temptation.” Some temptations are best resisted with our
heels. Because of my past, I have decided that I can’t go near certain areas in
San Diego. To visit some sites would be to invite sin into my life. It is
important for us to know ourselves and our patterns of weakness so we can be
prudent and avoid being caught with our guards down.
Once we give into pressure from others a cycle of defeat
is set up. As Francis Schaeffer said, “Accommodation
leads to accommodation which leads to accommodation.” Sin always starts small
and grows. A minimum lethal dose of botulism bacillus is .00003 micrograms per
kilogram of body weight. That is almost the equivalent of a flea derailing a
100-mile freight train. If we yield to pressure in small areas, it can
eventually derail us in big areas. When I replaced the starter motor on my car
last week, I used a ratchet wrench to remove the old motor. A ratchet wrench
only works in one direction. As pressure is applied, the wrench locks itself to
keep it from rotating backwards. Once it is set it stays there. When we fall in
a particular area and don’t confess it and make restitution when necessary, we
get locked into failure. Apart from God’s grace we will continue our path fixed
in the wrong direction. We need to recognize that if we begin to bend in some
gray areas, before too long we will be broken in areas that are not so gray.
Anyone who has committed adultery – or given into any sin – compromised in a
little area first. That weakness multiplied like a deadly germ and ultimately
brought about defeat. Compromise kills.
One of the greatest assets in helping to resist the
world’s pressure is good fellowship. None of us has enough power on his own to
stand firm day after day. God wants us to draw strength from those we have
chosen to spend time with. In one sense our victory is determined by our
friends. “He who walks with the wise grows wise…” (Prov. 13:20). It might also be said that he who walks with the
strong grows strong. An important element in our walk has to be the wise choice
of friends. “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Cor. 15:33). Even Solomon, who
Scripture says was the wisest king on earth, sinned against God under the
influence of people close to him. In later life his foreign wives “turned his
heart after other gods” (1 Kings 11:4)
and he built altars to their abominable gods. But as the wrong friends can
steer us toward evil, godly companions can help us stay on the right path. Good
friends will keep us turned towards God. One student I know was going to attend
an important dance on campus and knew that he might give into temptation there.
Aware of his potential weakness, he told me before he went to hold him
accountable and ask him afterwards how he behaved. He knew that the mere
prospect of my questions after the dance would strengthen him to resist the
pressure to give into sin. Resistance to peer pressure is not an individual
effort. It is a team effort. “Two are better than one, because they have a good
return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up!” (Eccl. 4:9,10).
Everywhere we turn we will be subjected to some form of peer pressure. The
subtle influence of an ungodly world can easily nudge us off the course of
obedience to Christ. Only as we understand our weaknesses and appropriate the
power of God at work within us can we expect any degree of victory. Victory is
more than a feeble hope, it is a promise. “No, in all these things we are more
than conquerors through him who loved us”
(Rom. 8:37).