Chapter 15

He took her hand in his, lightly rubbing his thumb against her palm. "I don't hate you, Chloe. I just don't know how to be around you."

"You think this is easy for me? To have these feelings and not know what any of it means? You think you're the only one that can be torn?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. You treat me like crap. Like nothing I do or say matters."

"I don't mean to do that, Chloe. Honestly, I just can't control what I do or what I say. I'm just fucked up. The faster you learn that, the better."

"We're all fucked up, Brady. The world is full of fucked up people."

"Chloe, you don't want me."

"How do you know? Shouldn't I be able to judge for myself what I want?"

"I'm not the type of guy that's going to be in a relationship. If you want sex, that I can give you, but I can't give you love. Love doesn't exist."

"You don't believe that, and neither do I. So you've had a rough time. You can move past it."

"No. I can't. And I won't. Not for you, not for anyone."

"Black, what the hell do you have to be so self righteous for? Did I ask you to change? No, and I won't ask. All I want is for you to act on your instincts. Just once I don't want you to hold back from me."

Chloe's eyes were dark and heated when she looked at him. He responded by moving a stray hair from her face and gently pulling it behind her ear. Letting his fingers linger, he lightly caressed the side of her cheek. She leaned into his hand, lightly kissing his palm.

"Just once," she said again in a low whisper.

He moved closer to her, bridging the gap and replaced his lips where his fingers had been on her cheek. Immediately, she responded to his actions and pulled his body close to her own.

Running her fingers down his strong back, she kissed his neck, wanting this experience, needing it. "Brady, I..."

Brady moved his finger over her lips. "Shh, no talking."

He ran his finger along her jawbone. The heat emanating from his soft touch was killing her. Kissing her neck and nibbling her earlobes, he moved onto her shoulder. Lightly, he pushed the strap of her dress down, sealing the area with soft kisses, letting his tongue search and discover the curves and folds on her skin.

Chloe gripped his strong arms, needing to hold on for fear she might collapse from the torture of not being able to be close enough. Tugging and pulling in all directions, she finally succeeded in taking off his shirt. Tossing it across the room, she stared at the broad expanse of his chest. Running her hands over his flat chest and sculpted abs, she felt her hormones taking control of her better judgement. Tracing small patterns against his skin, she sampled it with her mouth, running her tongue along the ridges and planes of his stomach.

Their breathing seemed to become more strained as they struggled for control of their own bodies. Moving her lips over his collar bone, Chloe discovered she was halfway to her destination. She stared, mesmerized by his perfect full lips.

Brady stared down at her, watching her look at him. He saw the desire reflected in her eyes and wanted nothing more but to crush his lips against hers, giving them both what they wanted. Instead, he gently pulled her away from him. Still staring into her beautiful blue depths, he backed away from her. When Chloe looked like she was going to protest, he cut her off. "We can't do this. You're drunk, and in the morning you'll regret it, and you'll hate me for letting it happen. Despite what you think, I want this to work," he said slowly, compassionately.

"My whole life is full of regrets," she whispered under her breath so he couldn't hear.

"You're right. But I don't care," she said louder and settled back down on the bed, pulling him on top of her. The weight of him was a feeling she had longed for. The feel of their bodies plush against one another, the sound of his laboured breathing on top of her, that scent, that indescribable Brady scent, all of it, she wanted and needed. She felt him make a move to get up, but she held him against her.

He looked into her eyes and knew he was losing. If he stayed like that for minutes longer, all control would be lost. Her hands grazed along his back. She felt his muscles tense. Moving her hand up, she planted it in the soft tufts of hair on the back of his neck. Starting with his collarbone, then neck, and ear lobe, she kissed until she finally found his lips. She traced the contours with her index finger. So many times she had pictured kissing them. Thinking of what it would feel like, what he would taste like. Now the moment was upon her.

He had no idea what he was doing. He knew he shouldn't be letting it happen. But the feel of her under him was a comfort he had never known. Her curvy body relaxed into him while he shifted his weight. He couldn't help but think she was perfection as she nestled into him.

Chloe struggled under him needing to be closer, wanting to touch every part of him. Flipping him over, she straddled him, touching, tasting his skin. She crushed her lips against his for the first time. Forcefully and with an urgency she didn't realize, she searched for an entrance as she slid her tongue against his lips. She demanded and took from him everything she wanted. He obliged her request and let her invade the contours of his mouth. Their tongues collided together in heated unison. Her tongue was invasive and demanding. She wanted Brady like she wanted no other man. The feel of his sweaty skin against hers drove her insane with desire. She kissed and suckled on his bottom lip until it was swollen with warmth. She covered his mouth with her own at a fevered pace, fearing he would be taken away from her.

Their skin scorched with un-quenched desire. The temperature rose, and their bodies slipped together in a sultry dance. She broke their contact for a split second to get rid of her confining dress. Over her head, she pulled it off and threw it to the floor, rejoining Brady's lips in a blistering game of tug of war. Gently, she bit down, then added tiny pecks. Taking his hand, she placed it against her breast, wanting him to feel her, to want her.

He touched her with ease and the grace of an expert, but with trembling hands and powerful emotions. Sitting up, he eased her closer to his lap, showing her how much he wanted her. Lightly, he grazed the thin material of her bra, thumbing the clasp before undoing it and throwing it to the ground. Not caring where it went as long as it was gone from her body. He touched her then, skin to skin, hand to heart. He had never felt so complete, so a part of something, in his life.

She had waited for this moment for so long, and she was taking control, hoping to God he wouldn't let it end. Before she had a chance to think, to rationalize, she began to unzip his pants. He groaned under her as she slid the zipper slowly down. She could feel him under her, hard, willing, ready. It just encouraged her as she gorged on his lips once again. He could feel her pressing into him, and he thrust upwards while he rolled her on her back. She thought she was finally going to be rewarded for her efforts as he moved against her, but then she realized he was moving off of her.

"Not like this," he said, standing, zipping his pants back up. "Chloe, you're drunk. God knows if you'll even remember this in the morning. I just----we can't."

"Brady?" she stammered.

"We just can't."

"I know," she said in a low whisper.

"Why don't I get you something to sleep in?" Brady suggested, turning his back from her and rummaging through his drawers, looking for something appropriate.

Chloe didn't even answer him. She knew it wasn't important. He was going to do it, whether she wanted him to or not. She replaced her dress but kept her bra off. She couldn't be bothered to look for it. She was already humiliated enough. She watched him as he went through the drawers.

Chloe surveyed the interior of the room. It was a nice room. The furniture was all made out of fine wood, and the walls were painted a rich blue. Of course, it could use a good cleaning, but other than that, it was a nice space. She opened the drawer beside his bed and picked through some papers and notes. At the bottom, there was a frame turned upside down. Chloe took it out. She studied the frame, tracing her fingers over the intricate designs that outlined the beautiful woman in the picture in Brady's arms. His smile was so bright that Chloe barely recognized him as the same guy in the room just three feet away.

"Is this her?"

"What? Who?" Brady said, turning to see what it was she was looking at.

"Lisa. Is this her?"

"Give that to me!" he demanded, his voice harsh and cold.

"No. Why? I want to know. Tell me about her, Brady."

"Look, Chloe, just give me the picture, and leave me the hell alone!"

"No. Not until you tell me about her. About how you were back then. You look so happy. I want to know what she did to you."

"God, Chloe, why don't you just mind your own damn business?"

"It is my business. It's Lisa that's keeping you away from me. She's pretty. More than that even...gorgeous." Chloe looked again into the greyish-blue eyes of the girl in the picture. The one that had ruined Brady.

"Chloe, just shut up and give me the picture!" he seethed.

Chloe had never seen him so angry. Oddly enough, she wasn't afraid. Brady was a lot of things, but he would never hit a woman, and they both knew it. "Fine, here." She handed him the picture frame, grabbing his wrist and pulling him down on the bed next to her. She whispered into his ear, "Someday when you're ready, Brady, I want you to tell me. About her, about you, about your life together."

He whispered back, pain coating his voice, "I don't think I'll ever be ready."

He made a move to get up, but Chloe held onto him tight. She pulled him close to her and rubbed his back tenderly. He rested his head in her lap, and she stroked his blonde mane. "One day you will, Brady."

He closed his eyes before he forced himself to get up and leave her lying there alone. "Night," je said, turning off the light and not looking back, for fear he would want to stay.

"Goodnight, Brady," she whispered in the darkness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He sat on the roof top, bundled in a warm fleece sweater. Taking a relaxing puff from a joint, he slowly exhaled. His breath misted in the cold night air while he stared at the vast dark sky littered with stars. It was all happening again. So many nights he went to sleep thinking about Chloe, and he hated himself for it. Through his childhood and even now, he had realized that you couldn't count on anybody in this world but yourself. Now, here he was getting all misty-eyed over words Chloe Lane spoke. She forced him to confront his past. She brought up issues with him that he would rather forget. So he sat alone on a rooftop getting high, because he wanted to escape so badly. Sometimes it even hurt him to be in his skin, and he just wanted to escape it.

Lisa. A name that gave him more problems than he would ever let on. In the beginning, everything was perfect. Well, perfect in that altruistic sense. They both felt so much love for each other that nothing ever seemed wrong. Unfortunately, it clouded Brady's better judgement. He put up with more lies and deceit than anyone should ever have to. It tore him apart inside every time he forgave her. All he ever wanted was to feel loved. All his life, there had been so much pain, and so part of him felt that it was normal. He felt that he didn't deserve to ever be completely happy. So when Lisa cheated on him time and time again, he took her back because the thought of being without that love drove him insane. But everyone had their limits, and he finally reached his when he caught Lisa with Tyler, another one of his close friends.

Chloe snuck up behind him. The scuffling sounds of the sand, stones, and dirt gave her away as she neared Brady. "What are you doing up here alone?"

"I came here to think."

"Oh, do you do that often?"

"Sometimes, when I'm thinking about..."

"About Lisa?"

"Yeah. I guess you're feeling better."

"Brady, I'm sorry about before. I just want you to open up to me. You can't go through everything alone."

"It's worked for me so far."

"Has it, Brady? Has it really?"

Brady turned his gaze from her and took another drag. He offered her the blunt. She accepted it and took a long drag herself, to Brady's surprise. He took it back from her, taking one last drag, then flicking it off the roof. "I guess not. I'm just sick of doing this."

"Doing what?""

"This. I can't take it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

Brady stood up and dusted off his jeans. He neared the edge of the balcony on the roof. In one quick motion, he mounted it, so he was on the ledge. "Maybe I should just end it all now? What do you think, Chloe?"

"Very funny, Brady. Now come down," Chloe said, her voice slightly shaky, fearing he might actually decide to jump.

"How far do you think it is to the bottom?"

"Pretty far. Now come down. We'll go inside. I'm freezing."

"You go ahead. I'm going to stay out here for a while."

"Don't be stupid, Brady!"

Brady walked on the ledge, peering down, not listening to a word Chloe said.

"Brady, do you hear me? Don't be a fuckin' idiot. Get your ass down, now!"

"It's nice up here. You can see the whole city."

"Brady, this isn't funny anymore."

"It's not meant to be funny, Lane. Don't overreact!"

"Overreact? Fuck you, Black! This is serious."

"You know what's funny about that word overreact?"

"What's that?" Chloe said, watching Brady teetering over the ledge.

"Lisa used to say that to me all the time. She used to say 'Don't overreact, Brade. He meant nothing to me. It was just sex.' Just fuckin' sex! Isn't that fuckin' hilarious?"

"I...I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You know she used to screw around on me all the time, and I was always faithful. I never could see myself with anyone but her."

"That's pretty commendable."

"Fuck it!" he cursed, crouching down on the cold paved roof. "Fuck everything!"

"Okay, come down now. Okay?" Finally, Chloe thought he was going to come down. The pace of her heart began to slow until he stood back up and began to pace again.

"You know why I kept that picture?"

"No," she answered quietly.

"I kept the fuckin' thing as a reminder of everything I would never have again."

"You don't know that, Brady. Someday..."

"No, I know," he said, facing her and cutting off her words. "You know how I know, Chloe?"

"How?"

"Because tonight, what happened between us. I couldn't be with you. You deserve better, Chloe. So much more than I can give you."

"I don't need much."

"Yes, you do." Brady dropped down from the roof, hitting the rooftop hard and turning up the dirt. He stood next to Chloe, closer than he intended. She let out a sigh of relief. "Come on, Chloe. You didn't really think I was going to kill myself, did you?"

Without warning, Chloe hit him hard in the stomach. "That's what I think of you, Black!"

"What the hell was that for?"

"For scaring the shit out of me, you moron," Chloe said, turning away from him.

Brady was actually stunned. Maybe for the first time, he realized that she did care what happened to him. He also realized how beautiful she was when she was angry. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Promise me you'll never do that again." She turned to face him then and was confused when she saw the smile spread on his lips. "Promise me!" she yelled.

"Okay, I promise."

"Look!"

"What?"

"The sun's coming up."

"Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it?" he said, joining her, watching the sun rise.

"I've never seen anything like it before. It's amazing from up here. How 'bout you?"

"I've seen the sun rise so many times from up here, it's incredible. I used to think nothing was as beautiful."

"And now?"

"Now I know there are things that are so much more. Things that take your breath away," Brady responded, letting his gaze fall on her. Her hair gently swayed against the wind as she turned to meet his eyes.

"I think I know what you mean," she responded quietly.

They watched the sun take over the sky until their stomachs ached from hunger. Finally satisfied, they walked back into the apartment complex.