Title: Lucky Wants

Rating: PG?

Author: Kat/Yuppiekat

Disclaimer: I own nothing, etc…

Summary: (Approx. 1196 words)Lucky/Elizabeth/Jason “She throws her jacket over her shoulders because she can no longer fit it over her swelled belly, but she likes the way the soft leather feels against her bare arms and the way the collar tickles her neck.”

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It’s three in the morning and Elizabeth can’t sleep. She watches Lucky’s breathing. His chest rises with his even breathes and she smiles sorrowfully.

She checks on Cameron in his big-boy bed. He looks so innocent and content and she can’t take that away from him.

Dressing in the dark isn’t that hard. She throws her jacket over her shoulders because she can no longer fit it over her swelled belly, but she likes the way the soft leather feels against her bare arms and the way the collar tickles her neck.

The pier is the place she goes to think and because she knows Lucky’s sleeping and he won’t wake up until the alarm goes off, she knows he won’t look for her for hours. He’ll even hit the snooze button a few times before the day starts. So she isn’t worried.

Not about Lucky.

She’s given Lucky every excuse, but she’s running out of time. Sooner or later… They’re married for God’s sake! It’s what married couples do.

But she can’t.

The pier reminds her of Jason. It reminds her of goodbyes and reunions and heartbreak.

She doesn’t expect to see him, but when she gets there he’s sitting on one of the benches. His head is bent and she thinks, if she’s real quiet, he won’t notice if she slinks away.

But he does notice.

He always does.

“Elizabeth?” He turns to look at her.

She tries to wipe away her tears before he sees, but his eyes are too intense and she knows she’s busted.

“Hi.” She takes the steps carefully. Before she can stop him, he’s at her side, guiding her down the last one and walking her over to the bench he just occupied.

“It’s late.” His voice comes out in a whisper.

She wonders if he has business and whether or not it’s safe for her to be here. But he doesn’t look worried, so she relaxes. “I know. I just… I needed some fresh air.”

“Does Lucky know you’re here?”

She shakes her head and bites her lip. It’s all she can do to stop herself from trembling. His hand is still resting on her back, just below her shoulder blade and she can feel the strength of his fingers.

“Elizabeth?” His hand is moving, his fingers massaging the ache in her lower back.

And how does he always know the right thing to do? Sometimes she hates him for that. For always doing the right thing, even if she didn’t know it was the right thing until it happened. Or when she asks him to do what’s best even if it isn’t best for him. He always does it for her. One day she’s going to ask him why. Why he does the things he does for her. Why he puts up with her crap. But, for now, she’s too afraid to hear the answer.

“Lucky,” she says and let’s out a breath, “My husband’s at home.”

She has to say it out loud to remind herself. Lucky is her husband. Lucky.

Jason’s hand stops moving. She feels him pull away and she shivers. It’s cold on the pier after dark. She can feel it now seeping into her bones.

Jason’s looking at her. Waiting. Waiting to listen, like he always does. But she doesn’t know how to start. And his eyes are so concerned that she has to look away.

She moves the hair out of her eyes and stares out at the water. It’s so calm. So calm and still while the world around it spins out of focus.

“You can talk to me.”

And there it is again, that thing that Jason does. He makes it okay for her to live in her skin. To live with her decisions--bad or good. And she shouldn’t have to lean on him like this. But he’s Jason and no one else gets what that means to her.

She takes a deep breath and her chest tightens and it hurts so much to be sitting here with him. It hurts sometimes to even look at him and to know what she asked him to do. That he would sacrifice himself for her happiness. She wishes she was that strong. That she could do the same for him.

But lucky. It always comes back to Lucky. He needs her. She’s afraid he’ll do something crazy without her. She can’t live with that on her conscience.

“Lucky wants…and I should… I mean, we’re married. B-but I can’t.” She’s crying now. She can’t wipe the tears away fast enough. He sees. She knows he does because his eyes catch the moonlight and there’s her reflection staring right back at her. “He doesn’t even know,” she says and she tries to stop the gasp when his hands frame her face, wiping her cheeks with his strong fingers, “And it’s not fair.”

“You’re not making much sense.” He looks at her.

Not like she’s crazy, but like he knows her. Like he knows, deep down in his gut, that she’s not happy.

“I know. I know I’m not. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he says, in that whispery whimsical voice.

So gentle it hurts.

He removes his hands from her face, skirting them down her arms, narrowly missing the bump of her belly. And he looks at his hands, turning them over in the dim light, like he can’t quite figure out how they got there in the first place.

“Jason.” She lets his name hang in the air like a warning. If he gets too close, she’ll crumble.

“What? What is it?”

“I’m married to Lucky. I’m married to him.”

“Okay.”

“But I can’t be a wife to him. Not right now.”

He’s confused. “I-I’m not sure I follow.”

“See, the thing is I keep coming up with the same…problem…excuses….I don’t even know any more. I married him and I agreed to love him and honor him and everything. And I meant it. But I can’t. I can’t be with him while I’m carrying your baby.”

He sits back against the wood of the bench like the wind’s been knocked out of him.

Elizabeth’s chest feels just as heavy. She’s convinced herself that it’s all true. That she didn’t just marry Lucky out of pity. Only that’s not fair. She doesn’t pity him. But she does feel a sense of obligation. That the love she had for him when she was a teenager should still be there. Maybe she’s not lying about that part. But it was so young and so pure. And she’s not that girl anymore.

They’re both silent. Silent for so long Elizabeth thinks she might not be able to hear even if one of them did make a sound.

They watch the sun come up, ladled in silence.

She doesn’t feel it. Not at first. But then the baby moves in her womb and her eyes drift to her stomach and focus on Jason’s hand.

She swears to herself things will be better once the baby is born. She’ll be free to love and make love to her husband.

And she won’t think of Jason.

She won’t.

-END-